Page 77 of Love Redesigned
The past week and a half leading up to the Compassion Experiment had been fraught with more tension and awkwardness than I’d ever experienced before. Alex had been polite, gentle, perfectly respectful. But it had almost made things worse. He was acting on the assumption that I had stopped the kiss and sent him away because I didn’twanthim. Which was the furthest thing from the truth. It had taken every ounce of my willpower not to scoot over and pull him right down beside me.
But wanting him physically wasn’t the same thing asneedinghim. And as sure as I was that we still had chemistry, that I still cared about him, maybe even still loved him, I was too afraid to talk about it, too afraid of what loving him meant. Alex had made it clear he liked the Charleston version of himself much more than the New York version—that he’d never loved his life in the city.
If I decided to go back to New York, to find a new job, would he go with me? Or would loving him mean giving it up? The flicker of a dream I’d imagined once before passed through my mind—a Charleston version of my future self that had stirred so much longing. I looked over at Alex, wishing I had the courage to take his hand, admit what I was feeling, admit how terrifying it all was.
There were still too many questions, too many uncertainties tainting every one of my thoughts. I couldn’t make sense of anything without immediately second-guessing my certainty and starting the whole vicious cycle of doubt all over again.
Of course, I couldn’t overlook Alex’s motives.
Darius had suggested that Alex was helping me get Paige’s dress back because he still cared about me. But Alex’s relationship with the LeFrancs was even more complex than his relationship with me. His need to prove to Alicio that he’d been right about Sasha all along was intense, too intense to assume this entire shenanigan was only a grand gesture of love. It had never been that simple.
I had to wait.
Get through the wedding.
See where everything fell after, well, after everything.
The venue was a large warehouse space in Brooklyn, with tall ceilings and huge windows and a great view of the Statue of Liberty. The decorations felt like Christmas, but not in the cheesy Hallmark movie kind of way. No poinsettia. No mistletoe or fake fireplaces. Instead, it was a little more modern, a little more dressed down.
The Christmas trees lining the stage were full of tiny white lights but didn’t have any ornaments on them. They really only served as a backdrop for the words. Oversized posters filled the venue, all displaying quotes about kindness and love and reaching out to others.
Center stage, a huge wall of video screens displayed the Compassion Experiment logo and hashtag. Later, when the scavenger hunt was going on, the screens would show multiple live streams of the teams as they moved through the tasks on their list, racing to be the first one back to the party.
It was pretty incredible to see it all shaping up the way Isaac and Alex had envisioned. Pride swelled in my chest and tears filled my eyes. I suddenly understood the Isaac thathe’dalways wanted to be. He’d always been brilliant, but I’d been stupid to think he could only use that brilliance one way. For the first time in a very long time, I was genuinely, intensely proud of all that my brother had accomplished.
I crossed the street to the hotel where we’d stayed the past couple of nights and headed for the elevator. I pressed the button and waited, filling the time by pulling out my phone to make sure, for the billionth time, that the soundcheck with the band was going okay.
Yesterday afternoon Alex had kept Isaac busy long enough for me to grab an Uber and take the jackets to Reggie’s apartment, where the entire band had gathered for a rehearsal. The jackets all fit as well as I had hoped, and they’d been genuinely pleased to receive them. Even so, I couldn’t shake my worry that something might still go wrong. I wanted to surprise Isaac almost more than I wanted to get back Paige’s dress. Somethingcouldn’tgo wrong.
I’d ended up having to pull Vinnie and Tyler in on the surprise in order to make the soundcheck happen without Isaac finding out. On my own, I never would have gotten Isaac out of the venue long enough to get Red Renegade in. But then Vinnie had needed to buy some sort of splicing cable that the A/V company didn’t have and had roped Isaac into going with him. His performance was practically Oscar-worthy.
Just before the elevator dinged, a text came in from Tyler letting me know that the band had completed their soundcheck and was sequestered in their private green room where they would remain until it was time for their performance. Isaac, he’d said, was on his way to the hotel to change. I breathed out a sigh. Everything was actually going according to plan.
After my late-night conversation with Mom when she’d challenged me to consider Isaac with a new perspective, I’d spent some time thinking about the things she’d said. It hadn’t taken long for me to come up with my own list of the small ways I’d seen him bring joy to other people, his YouTube show notwithstanding. He was ridiculous in so many ways. And his fashion sense was completely nonexistent. And sometimes his inability to tone down the silliness left me completely exhausted. But I’d never given Isaac enough credit. He deserved for tonight to be a win in every way it possibly could be.
The elevator doors dinged open as I slid my phone back into my purse. Alex stepped off the elevator.
“Hey,” he said, the Southern lilt to his voice evident enough to turn the heads of the women waiting next to me.
“Hi. I’m just going up to change.” I looked him up and down, trying not to dwell too long on his perfectly fitted suit or the intentional stubble lining his jawline. Maybethat’swhat had caught the attention of the women standing next to me. I swallowed. “You look really nice.”
“Thanks. Is everything set with the band?”
I nodded. “Soundcheck is done and they’re in the green room.”
Alex smiled. “You did good, Dani.”
“I’m still nervous. You don’t think Isaac has figured it out, do you?”
“I’m positive he hasn’t,” Alex said. “I’m not proud of how many lies I’ve told to keep him in the dark, but he doesn’t have a clue. He might be a little disappointed we don’t actually have Harris Town booked, but I think he’ll forgive me once he sees whoisgoing to close the show.”
The elevator had come and gone and then arrived again since we’d started talking. When the door slid open a second time, I stepped inside. “Going up,” I said awkwardly.Going up?I fought to keep a straight face despite my stupid comment.
Alex nodded. “I’ll see you shortly.” He held my gaze with an intensity that nearly made my knees weak until the doors closed, cutting me off from view.
A low moan escaped from somewhere behind me and I turned to find an older woman standing in the corner of the elevator, her handbag clutched to her chest. “To have a man look at me like that,” she said when we made eye contact. “I’d hold on to him.”
I managed a smile. I’d tried that once before. Was it possible I wanted to try again?
