Page 60 of Love Redesigned
Mom chuckled. “You were hand-stitching that zipper in seconds before your date showed up.”
“I had forgotten how much he helped me that day.”
“It might do you some good to remember, Dani. I know his jokes can hurt, but he loves you.”
“I know. Thanks, Mom.”
“How hasit been with Alex around?”
I sighed. “It’s fine, I guess. On the surface, anyway. But being around him so much reminds me of all the things I loved about him. That part’s hard.”
“Do you still love him?”
I pulled the blankets up closer, noting the softness of the sheets. Isaac hadn’t skimped. “Sometimes I think I do. But I can’t stop remembering how desperate I felt after he left. When I think of the messages I sent him, the voicemails, it’s embarrassing. And all that time he was down here with Isaac, ignoring everything I sent.”
“Why would you feel embarrassed?” Mom asked. “You think he was seeing your messages and judging you? Laughing at you?”
“No,” I said quickly. “Except, maybe yes. Otherwise, he would have responded.”
“Dani, if thirty years of marriage has taught me anything, it’s that everything isn’t always about me. Sometimes your father will go silent and I’ll assume it’s because I’ve said something or done something that made him mad. And every once in a while, itdoeshave something to do with me. But you know why he’s usually silent?”
“Why?”
“Because he’s frustrated withhimself. He’s processing, internalizing. Don’t be so quick to assume that Alex’s silence only had to do withyouractions. He was surely going through something too.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s true.”
“Have you talked about it yet?”
I shifted, pulling the covers closer to my chin. “Not really. I mean, he apologized, which is good. I’m just having a hard time understanding why he had to run away.” I thought of the explanation he’d offered—that he legally couldn’t talk to me. Surely whatever legal order he was under hadn’t demanded wordless abandonment.
“People make mistakes, Dani.”
“Yeah, I know.” I thought about our hug in the kitchen this afternoon and a fresh wave of embarrassment swept over me. It had felt amazing in the moment, but thinking back, I wasn’t so sure about it. It had taken Alex a long time to hug me back and when he had, it had only been halfway. I’d probably made him so uncomfortable.
“Hang in there, sweetie,” Mom said. “It’ll all work out.”
“Tell Dad I said hi,” I told her. “And I love you both.”
Before going to sleep, and with Mom’s advice fresh in my brain, I keyed out a message to Alex.I’m sorry if I made things weird with the hug.
His response came through only seconds later.The hug was nice. I didn’t mind.
My heart rate spiked as I read his words. Nice? What did that mean? Feeling bold, I typed out,Steven asked me out. But not until he asked me if there was something going on between me and you.
Oh,he texted back.Okay.
I told him no.Why did I feel like I needed to explain?To the date,I quickly amended.Also to the thing about us.
Okay,Alex texted again.
I pressed my phone to my forehead. Why had I even started this conversation? I chewed on my lip as I considered what to say next. My hands trembled as I keyed out my next message.I think I’m ready to talk.
Right now? About... us?
I closed my eyes. He thought there was an us?About LeFranc.
Right. That makes more sense.
