Page 56 of Love Redesigned
But then Steven sat up, his posture stiffened, and he turned to me with obvious intention. “Is there something going on between you and Alex?” he blurted.
That...was not what I’d been expecting. “Um, what?”
“Sorry. I was just thinking I’d like to ask you to dinner. But I didn’t want to if something was going on between you two.”
Why would he think there was something going on between me and Alex? Had Alex said something? Done something? Or had I? Was I being too obvious? Staring at him too much? Was he staring at me? Even as my brain raced through the possibilities, I realized how ridiculous they were. Did IwantAlex to be staring at me? It was like my life was one giant game of Hot or Cold. One minute I hated him with my entire soul. The next, I was feeling the feels, trying not to swoon over some charming thing he’d said or done.
“Sorry,” Steven said. “Was it wrong to ask? You’ve got this—” He raised a finger and motioned to the deep crease between my brows. “So serious.”
I relaxed my face. “I was just thinking. Why did you think there was something going on with me and Alex?”
“Because he watches your every move,” Steven said. “And he nearly punched Mushroom when he said something about your—”
I held up my hands. “Please don’t finish that sentence. I don’t want to know.”
Steven shrugged. “He seems into you. And I’m not that guy that’s going to infringe on that. If there’s something there, I completely respect it.”
“Why didn’t you askhimthis question?”
Steven didn’t even miss a beat. “Because I’m strangely and inexplicably intimidated by the dapper businessman with his fancy car and cuff links. I mean, I know he’s a nice guy. But...” He shrugged. “You felt a little more approachable.”
I shot Steven a look. “The dapper businessman? Is that really how you guys see him?”
“Oh, come on. Southern accent aside, you don’t think he seems like he walked out of a Jane Austen novel? He’s just so polished.”
“Wait, wait. You read Jane Austen?”
Steven rolled his eyes. “Why do women always ask that? I studied British Lit in grad school. I’ve read Austen, Bronte, Wolfe, Eliot. Why is everyone so surprised?”
“Steven. You co-host a YouTube show that devoted an entire episode on the flavor profiles of toothpaste-filled donuts.”
He paused. “Fine. Fair point.”
I shook my head. Steven’s graduate degree was definitely worth another conversation, but hehadasked me on a date. And he deserved an answer.
“Alex and I are friends,” I said. I forced myself to meet Steven’s gaze. “But I can’t have dinner with you.”
“Okay,” he said slowly. “Can I ask why not?”
“It’s complicated. Wearejust friends, me and Alex. But, there’s history there. We were a thing, and now we’re...And I’m just not in a place mentally, you know? Where I can think about dating or, anything, really. I have a lot to figure out.”
“So you’re the ex that—oh.”
“Oh, what?” I asked. Had Alex talked about me?
“Nothing. Don’t worry about it,” Steven said. “Thanks for being honest with me.”
I smiled but didn’t say anything, struggling to let go of what he’d meant.
“Do you think you and Alex will get back together?” he asked, taking me by surprise.
“What? No.” Even I could hear the uncertainty in my voice.
Steven laughed. “Wow. Way to convince me.”
A blush crept up my cheeks. “It’s not that easy. We’re just so different, you know? And...” My words trailed off. Why was I telling him any of this anyway? “Like I said. It’s complicated.”
“Yeah, you already said that,” Steven said. “You guys clearly have something going on though. Everybody senses it. Maybe you need to stop thinking about it and see what can happen. Just jump in. Buck the plan, ignore the outline, trust your gut, and take life as it comes.”
