Page 1 of Charmless
One
The great royal ball that had caused such disruption in our kingdom was finally over and I, for one, was relieved. I had been threatened by a witch who could turn herself into a cat, fended off the lascivious advances of a pixified prince and nearly been caught stealing a magic orb from the king’s treasury room. Not the sort of romantic evening most girls dream about.
Unlike those other maidens, I had only attended the ball with the greatest reluctance and little expectation of finding my one true love. I sometimes wondered if a malevolent fairy presided over my birth and placed a curse on me. “Ella Upton, instead of living happily ever after, the misadventures of your life will continue until you draw your last breath.”Certainly, if I’d had any notion of the disaster awaiting me the day after the ball, I would have never gotten out of bed.
I did sleep far later than usual, but I was blissfully unaware of the dire events to come. When the sun kept trying to prod me awake, I burrowed deeper beneath the covers. I was exhausted, my feet sore from far too much dancing, but I was also experiencing the euphoria of a woman who had been thoroughly and soundly kissed.
Not by the prince, although Prince Florian had embraced me last night. I gagged at the thought of how His Highness had shoved his tongue so deep in my mouth it was as though he was trying to lick my tonsils. No, the lips that had reduced me to this state of remembered bliss belonged to the most unlikely man in the kingdom.
Horatio Samuel Edward Crushington, the stern and forbidding commander of the Midtown Royal Scutcheons. When Horatio had first arrived to take up his post several years ago, I had striven to avoid him, thinking him a harsh, humorless sort of man. But I discovered that beneath his rigid exterior, he could be gentle and kind with a touch of awkward shyness that I found endearing. When he had attended the royal ball and shaved off his thick dark beard, I also discovered he was an extremely handsome man, more so than Prince Florian or any of his four younger brothers.
When Horatio had met me in my back garden in the wee hours of this morning, I had not been prepared for him to confess his love in his usual forthright manner. At the age of seventeen, I had been cruelly deceived by a young minstrel named Harper who had sworn to love me forever and then simply vanished from my life. Seven years later, my heart had been so bruised I did not think I would ever be able to trust those words from any man again.
But I could not doubt Horatio’s sincerity when he had said to me,“I am a plain man, Ella. I tend to view things in black and white, occasionally shades of gray. But when I am with you, you make me see the world in vibrant color and - and it’s glorious.”
How could any woman fail to be moved by such a declaration? I certainly could not, especially when Horatio had followed it up with a kiss that left me tingling from head to toe.
“Horatio,” I sighed at the memory, hugging my pillow. I almost believed that I could find my lasting happiness with this brave, honest man.
There was only one problem. If Horatio ever found out what I had really been doing at the ball, I was not sure my upright commander’s love for me could weather the discovery that I had pilfered the royal treasury. I could argue that the orb I had taken rightfully belonged to my dearest friend, Malcolm Hawkridge, but I doubted Horatio would accept that excuse.
Horatio already suspected Mal of engaging in illegal enterprises, suspicions that unfortunately were all too correct. Realizing that Mal had persuaded me to commit burglary would not endear my friend to Horatio. I feared that Horatio might find a woman who was a liar and a thief a bittoocolorful for a Scutcheon commander sworn to uphold the king’s laws. If I was fortunate, perhaps Horatio would never discover what I had done, but could our love flourish while I harbored this guilty secret?
I squirmed, such reflections disturbing my state of drowsy bliss. Was it too much to ask for me to savor the prospect that there might be a happily ever after for me without any added complications? I hugged my pillow tighter, banishing these troubling doubts.
Rolling over in bed, I peered dreamily at the small bouquet of white roses upon my night table. Horatio had sent a young sergeant to deliver them to me before the ball. I struggled to an upright position and breathed in the delicate nosegay’s perfume. Yawning and stretching, I recalled a passage from one of the stories my stepmother Em used to tell me and my two stepsisters when we were children.
The virtuous young maiden awakened every morning to the sweet scent of roses and the sound of cheerful bluebirdstwittering. These magical little creatures would fetch the maiden’s royal robe and fly it to her bedside.
Regrettably, the only evidence of a bird in my bedchamber was the white droppings spattered on my windowpane and the only sound was the rumble of my stomach. I had never made it to the midnight supper at the palace and I had not eaten anything since yesterday afternoon.
I did not hear anything to indicate that anyone else in the house was stirring and that was just as well. I did not want my stepmother trying to fix breakfast. Em was a warm, affectionate woman with many wonderful qualities, but the ability to cook was not one of them.
Flinging back the covers, I eased out of bed, wincing when my sore foot hit the floor. My well-worn dancing slippers had rubbed quite a blister on my heel. I hobbled toward my washstand, nearly tripping over the elegant ball gown I had been too tired to put away last night.
It had been torn and soiled during my encounter with Prince Florian in the palace gardens. I wondered what all the other lovelorn maidens in Arcady would think if they realized I was the one Florian had chosen to be his bride. Me! The only woman in the kingdom who had no desire to wed that arrogant fool.
Florian had been in an inebriated state from snorting pixie dust and his proposal had been less than gentlemanly. He had tried to lift my skirt. When I kicked at him, he grabbed my foot. During the struggle my shoe had come off in his hands and the prince had stumbled backward and cracked his head on a tree root. He had passed out, allowing me to escape, but I had been unable to retrieve my shoe. That worried me.
The penalties for insulting or harming royalty were extremely severe, but Mal had assured me that I had nothing to fear. Apparently snorting pixie dust left one’s brain in quite a befuddled state. Mal insisted that when Florian awoke thismorning, the prince would have forgotten all about me. I hoped that my friend was right.
Pouring water from my ewer into the basin, I splashed cold water on my face to become more fully alert. As I toweled myself dry, I heard sounds that indicated that someone besides me was awake.
Lowering the towel, I listened intently and realized the sounds were coming from outside. I moved over to the window and tried to peer out, but my view was obscured by the bird droppings. I threw up the sash, letting in a warm summer breeze and a hum of voices.
Looking down at the lane that wound past my fence, I was astonished to see half of the neighborhood spilling out of their houses. Many of them must have slept in as late as I had because I spotted some older gentlemen still wearing their nightcaps. There was a great deal of excited chatter although I could not hear what was being said. Some were gesturing and pointing in the direction where our lane wound upward away from Midtown.
I leaned out the window as far as I dared, craning my neck to discover the source of this commotion. From my limited vantage point, I could not see anything, but I heard the distant blare of trumpets and the tattoo of drums. I froze, a terrifying thought seizing me.
The king’s guard is coming to arrest me!
Someone must have seen me kick Prince Florian. Or perhaps the theft of the orb had been discovered and traced back to me. I jerked inside the window, banging my head on the sash. As I rubbed my throbbing pate, I tried to still my racing pulse.
“Take hold of yourself, Ella Upton,” I scolded.
Arrests in our kingdom were conducted quietly, not accompanied by such fanfare. I was letting my guilty conscience get the best of me, causing my imagination to run wild. But Icould not be easy in my mind until I discovered what was going on.
Fetching my wrapper, I shrugged into the garment as I darted out of my room and down the stairs. My sore feet were forgotten as I hurried out of my front door and through the tangled mess of flowers and overgrown bushes that formed my garden. Trying to draw as little attention to myself as possible, I crouched behind an enormous weed near my fence. This strange plant seemed to be growing bigger every day, its stalk the thickness of a small tree, its leaves sprouting in every direction. I had allowed this weed to grow merely to tease my next-door neighbor and I had even nicknamed it Frank.
