Page 92 of Charmless
Not in the way my father had adored my mother, but I told Em gently, “I believe that Papa cared for you a great deal and he would want you to be happy. Just as I do.”
Em gave a relieved sigh and enveloped me in her arms. As I returned her hug, I thought that my stepmother could not be nearly as relieved as I was. My stepmother’s betrothal to a wealthy aristocrat would have been welcome news even under ordinary circumstances. Now, no matter what happened to me, I knew my family would be taken care of and that eased a great burden of guilt from my shoulders. It was as though for once, the fates had aligned in my favor. Surely that had to be a good omen for the success of my dangerous mission tonight. At least that was what I sought to convince myself.
When we joined my stepsisters in the kitchen, I was surprised to discover that Amy had done the marketing in my absence. She proudly displayed the supper she had prepared, consisting mostly of pastries, tarts, fairy cakes, chocolates, and a bottle of cherry wine.
My habit of keeping strict track of every penny spent had become so ingrained that I nearly cried out against the impracticality and the extravagance of such a meal. I swallowed my protest, realizing that Em’s betrothal made my frugality unnecessary. Taking my place at the table, I tried to join in the merriment over what Amy called our celebratory feast.
But I couldn’t help thinking that if my attempt to rescue Mal failed, this could be the last meal I ever shared with my family, the last time I ever saw them. I did my best to suppress this terrible notion. My pasted-on smiles fooled my stepmother and Amy, but more than once I caught Netta giving me a puzzled look.
I was glad when the time came for everyone to retire for the night. When I was sure that Em, Amy and Netta were settled in their bedchambers, I crept back downstairs to retrieve the satchel I had tucked beneath the hall table.
I had darted half-way back up the stairs when I froze. Netta awaited me at the top, a ghost-like figure in her white nightgown. Holding a candle aloft, she peered down at me.
“Ella? What are you doing?” She came down a couple steps, her eyes alight with curiosity. “What’s in the parcel?”
“Um, er.” My brain scrambled to come up with a convincing lie. “It’s only some garments that need mending. You know how I fret over our lack of funds. I thought I would earn some extra income by taking in sewing. But of course, after Em’s good news, that will no longer be necessary.”
“So that is where you were all day, trying to find sewing customers?”
I nodded. “Now you should scamper back to bed.”
“But I have something else to tell you. I forgot because of all the excitement of Mama’s engagement. Commander Crushington called here this afternoon.”
“Oh?” I tried to sound casual, although my heart missed a beat. “What did he want?”
“You, of course. He seemed most distressed and displeased to find you were not at home.”
I winced, well able to imagine how worried Horatio would have been, perhaps even a trifle vexed with me. Twice in one day, I had ignored orders he had given for my own protection. I hadthought about stopping by the Scutcheon barracks on my way home. There was so much I had learned from Withypole that I needed to tell Horatio, along with my suspicions that Florian might be poisoning his father. I was also worried about how Mercato had reacted when Horatio had returned without the orb.
More than all of that, I longed to cast myself into Horatio’s embrace, feel the warm, reassuring strength of his arm about me. But I had been too afraid that I might weaken, blurt out how Florian was using Mal to coerce me to marry him. Horatio would tell me to go home, allow him to deal with the prince, but I did not see how he could without putting himself in danger.
Netta’s worried voice pulled me out of my thoughts. “What is really going on Ella? I keep feeling like there is something you are not telling me.”
“Nonsense.” My denial came out a shade too hearty. I feigned a deep yawn. “It has just been a very eventful day and I am so tired. We can talk more in the morning.”
“But—”
“Goodnight, my dear.” I linked my arm through hers and hustled my sister up the stairs toward her bedchamber. “Sweet dreams.”
Before she could ask any more questions, I bolted to my own room.Sweet dreams?I cringed. Never in my life had I cooed such words. My odd un-Ella-like behavior would only fuel Netta’s sense that something was not right with me. But I had no time to waste worrying about what my sister might be thinking. I intended to wait until I was sure that everyone was asleep before sneaking out of the house. In the meantime, I had much to do.
Moonlight spilled through my bedchamber window, enabling me to find the tinder box. I dumped Delphine’s parcel upon my bed and proceeded to light several candles. Before I unwrapped the package, I had a far more important task. Facedwith the very real prospect that I might never return from my mission, I owed my family some explanation for why I had vanished.
Sitting down at my small writing desk, I dipped my pen in the inkwell and started to compose a letter to Em, only to think better of it. If my stepmother awoke to discover me missing tomorrow morning, she would likely dissolve into hysterics. As for Amy and Netta, I still thought of them as my little sisters, whom I had striven for most of my life to protect. They were far too young to have any notion how to handle my disappearance.
I needed someone older, possessed of calm and good sense, to take charge of my distraught family. What little I had seen of Lord Redmond convinced me I should address my letter to him. But how to begin? Dear Chuffy? Although he had once asked me to call him that, it seemed far too impertinent. Dear step-papa? Too presumptuous. I settled upon a more formal tone.
Dear Lord Redmond,
If you are reading this, the worst has happened. I have either been arrested or possibly killed in my attempt to free my dearest friend Malcolm Hawkridge from King’s Royal Prison.
I kept my explanation succinct, leaving out any references to the stolen orb or the League of the Missing Heir. The less Chuffy or my family knew about that, the better for their own safety. I described Mal’s arrest as being the unreasonable result of Prince Florian’s jealousy and his attempt to coerce me into marriage. I knew how much Lord Redmond disliked the prince. He would sympathize with my wish to avoid wedding Florian, even if Chuffy would not approve of my dangerous plan.
I concluded my letter by expressing my joy over Chuffy’s betrothal to my stepmother. In the event I was unable to ever return, I begged his lordship to look out for my family and to tell them how sorry I was and how much I loved them.
I blinked hard as I sealed the letter. I was near to tears and that had been the easy one to write. Drawing in a deep breath, I reached for another piece of parchment and began my letter to Horatio. I held my pen suspended over the paper for a long time, dripping blots of ink as I struggled to find the words. Above all else, I needed him to understand how much I would always love him. But I feared I could fill the pages with passionate protestations of my devotion and Horatio would still doubt me.
He had become convinced that I did not know my own heart, that it was Mal I loved. Risking my freedom, even my very life to save Mal would only confirm Horatio in that belief. It would seem like I was choosing Mal over him and perhaps in a way I was.
