Page 45 of Fury
Nearly five years later, he is all I can think about, all my body gravitates towards, and I know I needed to push him away over the years, but a small part of me regrets it. Just like I regret not wanting to be in her life at the start.
For the first year of her life, I tried not to look at her, tried to keep my distance, but Mama wouldn’t allow it, knowing what was best for me, Nyx and Tate.
When I held her in the waiting room at the doctor's after her vaccines, when she settled instantly in my arms like she knew I was hers, I panicked. I thought maybe I was gaining an unhealthy bond with her because my body thought she was mine, the baby that I lost. She looked exactly like Nyx, even now she does, and I thought it was best to keep my distance, not just for him and her but also for my mental state.
I didn’t want to think of her as mine, but in a way, over the years, I’ve come to realize I wasn’t meant to carry a child then, to give birth, I was meant to be her Mama. Something I’m sure I wouldn’t have managed with another baby.
It just took me a while to realize it with Mama’s help.
I sigh, leaning my head against the curved archway between my living area and kitchen, watching Tate, and again, my stomach tightens, Nyx on my mind.
After I confessed to Nyx about losing our baby and getting that weight off my chest, I thought I’d never see him again, or this little girl. But instead, after crying myself to sleep, I woke up lying on his naked chest in shock. Not expecting him to be here despite him telling me he just needed a moment before he rolled us over and entered me in one thrust.
We didn’t speak about my confession, about our baby, instead he made love to me three times before he had to go to work, telling me he’d see me later and for the past two days I’ve gone to sleep alone, only to wake with him thrusting into me.
I don’t even know how he gets in…
I swallow hard and look down, his eyes haunting me again.
The pain that radiated from him when I told him I lost our baby... God, it killed me. Everything inside me felt like it was slowly dying, that my whole world was crumbling down which is one of the reasons why I didn’t want to tell him and now, we haven’t spoken about the miscarriage, not one word, and it feelslike a big elephant in the room, and I cannot concentrate on anything.
Not my organization, which Mama is currently running for me, and not my job, which is why Mama dropped Tate off with me this morning, knowing some Tate time would settle me. It has, kind of, though I don’t think Nyx is aware she’s here today although the man won’t have a leg to stand on if he complains, I haven’t seen her in four days.
Dammit, why hasn’t he mentioned the baby?
“Hey, Tate, do you want to go to the diner for dinner tonight?” I call, and she looks at me, her green eyes sparkling as she nods her head excitedly, and I grin at her.
No point hiding that I watch her now, and I know how much she likes the diner, and if I get really lucky, Brick and Blade will not be there.
A key being inserted in my door echoes, and I turn and look at the door with a frown because Mama shouldn’t be back just yet, but when the door opens, my mouth parts in shock.
“That is how you’ve been getting in at night? You copied my key?” I ask in shock, and Nyx looks my way with a sly grin, not at all sorry.
That little…
I push off the archway, place my hands on my hips, and snap, “Pretty sure I didn’t give you my key, Nyx!”
He chuckles, he flipping chuckles while shutting the door behind him, making me narrow my eyes, and he says, “I told you, precious, you’re mine, and I’m not letting you go again, meaning, I’m not sleeping without you in my arms again.”
Okay, so my heart may have flipped with his words, but I’m not about to let him know he’s melting me to him.
“Seriously? Just because you say you’re not letting me go doesn’t give you the right to take my keys and copy them,” I snap, “We are not together!”
The last bit may be a lie because it certainly does feel like we’re together again, but my head doesn’t want to believe that my heart has given in so quickly after spending nearly five years protecting itself from him, hating him.
I was just under a lot of stress.
“Hi, Daddy!” Tate says, gaining his attention and a little bit of confusion etches his features as he looks at her.
Okay, so he didn’t know she was here. Oh well.
“Hey, sugar plum,” he replies to her, and she continues to draw while he looks my way with a raised brow.
I look everywhere but at him, my ceiling becoming extremely interesting.
“So,” he says, and I look at him sheepishly. He tilts his head and murmurs, “I got your key copied so I can spend every night with you in my arms, and you have our daughter, who is supposed to be with Mama Lopez right now.”
My stomach flips at theour, and my heart races.
