Page 91 of Beautifully Shattered
“I’m not ready,” I whisper, and Ringo and Lexi tighten their grip on me, being my strength when mine has been torn from existence.
There are seats laid out, but when Ringo and Lexi try to steer me towards them, I shake my head, breaking free of their hands and dropping to my knees beside the glossy white casket.
I cry and sob, draping myself over the top like I can somehow shield her from this cruel world.
No one tries to move me. They leave me to my grief, everyone taking their seats as quiet sniffles and sobs float through the air around us.
“Hear that, my sweet baby girl? Those tears are for you,” I choke out. “For the love they never got to show you.”
Time passes slowly, and eventually, I feel a presence on the other side of the casket, and I peer up to see Ringo, sitting on the damp ground with me. He has one hand resting on Hope’s headstone, and the other on Bobbi’s casket, his head bowed in silent respect.
This man.
Thiswarrior,who has already endured so much.
God, I don’t deserve him, but I’ll never let him go.
Slowly sitting up, I cover his hand with mine, and he glances up, his whiskey eyes haunted by his own grief.
“I’m ready now,” I whisper, and he nods, tears spilling down his cheeks.
“Okay, Abs. Do you want to stand?”
I shake my head. “I just want to stay here.”
“Then stay here, Angel.”
Nodding, I straighten a little, reaching out as Ringo places the folded paper in my hand, holding the words I cried my way through writing last night.
“Lex,” I call softly to my friend, seated off to the side, reaching out for her.
She hurries over, sinking to her knees beside me on the damp grass, her hand moving to stroke my back as I brace myself for what I have to do.
Unfoldingthe piece of paper, I lay it carefully on top of the casket before clasping Ringo’s and Lexi’s hands, needing their strength to get through this.
Then, I clear my throat to begin.
“My sweet little Bobbi Cameron Musgrove. I never got to hear your laugh or see your eyes widen in excitement. I never got to learn what songs would make you dance, or how you liked your toast in the morning.” I take a deep breath, needing a moment to let myself cry before blinking away the tears enough that I can read the words on the paper.
“You were here for what feels like a single breath, and then you were gone. But I need you to know, you mattered.” I blow out a breath, taking another moment and feeling Ringo’s gentle squeeze of support around my hand. A silent reminder that I’m not alone.
“You were loved the moment you existed. It didn’t matter how you came to be. Not to me. And not to those who truly matter. And even though I’ll never get to see you blow out your birthday candles, or kiss your scraped knees after you tumble off your bike, you will always live in my heart. I will carry this love for you every single day for the rest of my life.”
A loud sob wrenches itself from me as the weight of those words sink in. I still don’t understand how I’m here burying her when she feels so alive in my heart.
“I don’t have stories to tell about your life,” I continue, pushing through. For Bobbi. For myself. “So I’ll tell the world who you were to me.”
Ringo’s hand tightens around mine, and I feel the way he’s suffering too, sitting here, right next to the daughter he lost only a few years ago. I bet he’s remembering the pain of that day.
“You were my daughter,” I choke, my next words meant not just for me, but for Ringo, too. “You weremyhope.”
His eyes meet mine, flooded with tears, his lips silently forming the words,‘I love you’, and I squeeze his hand this time, offering him the same strength he offered me.
“You were my little burst of sun who never got the chance to shine.” I don’t even need to read the paper anymore. I know what comes next.
“So today, we farewell you by wearingmyfavourite colour, yellow, and I gift you this blanket, so you’ll always be wrapped in something I love.”
Letting go of Ringo’s and Lexi’s hands, I slide the yellow baby blanket off my shoulders and drape it gently across the casket, lowering my head to it to take the moment I need.
