Page 28 of Beautifully Shattered
She points out the window before reaching down to give my hand a squeeze, the simple gesture nearly breaking me.
“You still have friends. You still have a little sister who needs you. There’s a whole world waiting for you… if you’d just let it in.”
Shit.
She’s right. I know she is, yet I can’t make myself admit that out loud.
Tahli still needs me. She’s not safe with my parents. Not in that church. Not with Maggie so brainwashed, determined to sacrifice everything for the cult.
I’ve got Lexi, and Jared, and Marcus. And the other guys, too.
I have new friends I never expected. Like Jols, standing right here, refusing to let me hide.
And then there’s Ringo.
He’s something else entirely.
“Where did Ringo sleep last night?” I ask instead of admitting my feelings, and her brows shoot up. “Because after he lost it, I didn’t see him again. Did he leave? Go somewhere?”
Her face falls. “JD and Vender took him to Griffin’s. A few houses down.”
“He hates me now,” I whisper, my eyes dropping to my feet like maybe the floor will swallow me whole.
“No, he doesn’t. He’s not avoiding you because he hates you,” she says softly. “He’s avoiding you because he thinkshe failed you. He blames himself for not protecting you. For putting the club first.”
My eyes flick back up to hers.
“He didn’t know what was going to happen.”
“No, but it doesn’t make him blame himself any less.” She reaches out and gives my shoulder a squeeze.
“You two need to talk. I think you’ll find you’re actually both on the same page.”
Is she right?
Are we on the same page?
Does he still… care for me?
A few days ago, I would have said it didn’t matter if he did or not. I was too far gone after waking up to learn about Bobbi’s death. Too far gone when I switched something off inside me and killed a man.
But seeing him flip out yesterday, and having this conversation with Jols… well, now I’m not sure about anything I thought I knew.
When Jols excuses herself and heads outside to join the guys, I consider following. Just walking out there and pretending I’m part of their world again… but my feet won’t move in that direction.
There’s music and chatter and laughter, and I just can’t be around happiness right now.
What is there to be happy about?
Why is the world still turning when my version of it has stopped, frozen in time, caught in the vicious loop of memories I can’t outrun?
Holding my little girl… and then being told she is dead.
It’s a never-ending reel in my head.
Not able to deal with anything else right now, I go upstairs and sleep most of the day. It’s easier than sitting in silence, trapped in my own thoughts.
I want to go on a killing spree and tear the world apart. But I know I’m not ready.
