Page 1 of My Lovely Tragedy
PROLOGUE
It’sstrange how in this particular moment, I find myself more alone than I ever have been, by design.
It’s all by design. Every choice made, whether with intent or otherwise, has its consequences. Actions and reactions. Cause and effect.
Life and death.
And this is mine.
My decisions have brought me to this point—one past any hope of repair. But I cannot bring myself to regret a moment, even when the hollows of loneliness set in—and they have. Far deeper and faster than I ever could have anticipated.
That is what he did to me…
But what I did was incomprehensible. Unforgivable. I cannot place blame on anyone but myself. And I will gladly carry this burden—and the pain it brings. I will welcome it all with open arms.
Because I had him. And having him was lovely. Transcendent and beautiful. Filled with agony and desire and despair. Hopelessness and defeat. Need and craving. Loss and resentment.
Uncontrollable sensations that went past any barrier of suffocation and menial survival.
I had him.
I lost him.
But with this story…Our story…I will ensure I never forget a moment shared between us. Every hot, wet breath that fanned across my face, still damp from the dense flakes fluttering chaotically from the sky.
The way his hand, meatier than mine and filled with callouses, enclosed around my wrist, fingers tightening to the point I feared he would snap my bones in two if he twisted the right way. Silver to my throat, beautiful confusion.
Long, golden hair. How it shone red when the sun’s rays peaked through the curtains. An angel of darkness.
His smile. Crooked and forced. How infrequent I saw it, or how infrequently he chose to give it. But every time was like the first. It stole the very breath from my lungs—and I never wished to breathe again if I could not see that every day for the rest of my life.
But I think, most of all, I will miss his mind. His talent. His unexplainable beauty for melodies and knowledge. His acceptance of the unorthodox and unrestrained.
I have met many intelligent people in my life. Far more than I can remember, and none of them particularly remarkable. Buthim…his soul was unlike any other.
Wired utterly different. Unique and bold. Strangled with the ties of an illness he couldn’t control. But he wore his ache like a badge of honor—to the point of anger. So filled with it, it devoured him.
But he let me see… and for that, I can never repay him, for I am consumed with everything he gave me.
For the first time, I am content with my loneliness, knowing it is deserving as I follow the path of fate righteously.
I am full, and I amready.
My lovely tragedy…
Please forgive me.
CHAPTERONE
TOBIAS
Voices buzzfrom all directions like bees in a hive. Loud and wired, working tirelessly and endlessly.
I watch the bustle with quiet amusement as I meander through the city, no particular destination in mind—an opportunity that doesn’t come up much anymore as I spend most of my time at the cabin with my fingers glued to keys. My mind is elsewhere, lost in another dimension of fiction or melodies, both of which are created entirely inside my own psyche. Somewhere that belongs solely to me—and it’s the only place I wish to be anymore. Though, this is nice. The distinct air of the city, the chatter of human activity. Evidence of life.
Simply being around others gives me something to think about, pulling me out of the trenches of my own mind. Cool rooms, darkened clouds. Charlie staring back at me with pity. Stella much of the same, along with every other person I have come into contact with today.
I feel as if I shouldn’t have ever left home.
