Page 85 of Fragmented Illusions
“Fallon,” she sobs my name out. She jumps off of the bed and into my father’s arms. I glance at them for a brief second to see him wrapping his arms around her as she sobs into his black overcoat. He runs his hand down her red hair as he soothes her. As if she’s the one he should be taking care of.
I swallow down the jealousy and hatred filled lump that has settled at the base of my throat. All I have ever wanted was to be accepted by them and all they did was push me away. Locked me in a hospital until the doctors said I was “better.” Forced therapist after therapist down my throat so I could stay “normal.” They pushed off every word I said as my “sickness” got the better of me. Then came more pills, more doctors, more therapy.
All I have ever been to them was their sick daughter in need of help. I could never be left alone to my own devices. I could never be free.
But then I saw something I shouldn’t have. Something that ended up being the best thing I could have ever done. Because I met two men who accept me. They accept who I truly am because they are the same. They have shown me there is nothing wrong with me.
They have given me the freedom I have always craved, and now that I have had it, I realize how trapped I have been. My entire life has been an illusion with my mind in fragments.
“Fallon Dahlia,” my father booms out, and I jump at the thundering voice. I fold into myself, feeling like a child being reprimanded.
He steps closer to me while my mother stands off to the side with her arms wrapped around herself as she sniffles. Her eyes are rimmed red along with the tip of her nose, and the smallest inkling of guilt begins to slither in.
My father sits on the edge of the mattress and rests his elbows on his knees. He stares at the polished white floor for a minute before he speaks. “Do you know what happened?”
“Nothing has happened!” I screech. “Everything has been just fine up until right now!”
“Don’t yell at me, Fallon. I’m trying to have anadultconversation with you.” He says the word adult in an almost mocking tone, and I bite down on the inside of my cheek as tears burn my eyes at his insinuation.
I hate they still affect me this way, but I can’t help it. I have always only ever wanted their approval. For them to love me without wanting to constantly “fix me.”
I just wanted to be me.
Fallon.
TherealFallon.
But they have never seen me that way. And they never will.
“Your friend Natalie called us,” Mother informs me. My eyes widen in shock and my head jerks up to inspect my mother. Her arms are still crossed across her torso, but her chin is jutted out as she tries to act strong.
“What—what do you mean Natalie called you? How?Why?” I ask. My mind is reeling. What are they talking about?What is going on?
I was with Nat last night. We went to the movies, and everything was fine.
Until you stormed off.
You know what’s happening.
They turned on you.
They are going to try to keep you here.
Forever.
You have to escape, Fallon.
Find them.
They will protect you.
Bile shoots up my throat and I throw my hand over my mouth to keep it from spewing out. I swallow the bitter acid taste and breathe deeply through my nose for a few seconds.
“She called us because of your strange behavior. You have been acting differently, she said. Out of it. You have been absent lately. Never home, not keeping in contact with anyone. She said when you are around, you’re fidgety and paranoid. She even told us what happened at the restaurant when you all went to lunch,” Father tells me.
“Why didn’t you tell us what happened, Dahlia?” Mother asks, but before I can answer, she continues. “This is the type of behavior we need to be on the look out for! These are the signs the doctor gave us. Why didn’t you tell us? Have you been taking your meds? You haven’t, have you? Fallon! Tell me why you haven’t been taking your medication. You know you need it!
“Without it, you will do dangerous things. You will hurt yourself, or worse! You could hurt someone else. What were you thinking, Dahlia! I thought we were past this. I thought you were normal again! I thought you were our perfect little girl again!” She wails deeply and the sound grates heavily on my nerves.
