Page 25 of Fragmented Illusions
She stares at me for a moment before her eyes drag down my body and back up again. They land on my head for a moment before dropping back to my eyes. She steps up to me and runs her fingers over my head, through my hair.
“What are—what are you doing?” I ask, and I cringe again at my stuttering words.
“I’m checking to see if you hit your head hard enough to leave a bump or something, but I’m not feeling anything other than your wound that is still healing from Halloween—which seems to be okay too. Thank god.” She sighs and steps back, still eyeing me warily.
“Are you sure you’re okay, Fal? You’ve seemed off all day and now you’ve fallen and—” she cuts herself off with a sigh. “I’m just worried about you. Do you know why you got dizzy?” She steps out of the bathroom and with one last glance at myself in the mirror, I adjust my purse on my shoulder and follow her out. I don’t look the best, but my little fiasco surprisingly didn’t mess up my mediocre appearance much, at least.
“I take medication for these migraines I get and when I don’t take them with food, they make me dizzy. I took them before lunch today and I guess I didn’t eat fast enough after taking them.” That’s not exactly a lie. It’s not the full truth, but it’s not a lie either.
“Ohhh. Okay, that makes sense.” She glances back at me as we make our way through the emptying restaurant. The lunch rush has passed and most of the people in here have either made their way out or are currently doing so.
“Where is everyone?” I ask as we make our way back to the table.
“They headed out, but I stayed to wait for you. Sophie left to meet up with Ian. Grace went to study at the library—she has a test tomorrow. And Sarah met up with… I don’t remember his name.” She laughs as she swings her purse over her shoulder. She grabs her jacket off the back of her chair and throws it over her forearm. With the table cleared, we both head outside and start the walk home.
“Ah, okay. Well, I’m sorry you felt the need to wait for me.”
“Don’t be. I’m glad I did.” She eyes me out of the corner of her eye. I can feel her gaze, but I keep mine locked on the sidewalk in front of us. I feel the heat travel to my cheeks as we walk side by side and the heat travels to my eyes the further my embarrassment travels.
“Don’t be embarrassed, Fal. Shit happens. I’m just glad you’re okay.” I feel Nat’s hand on my arm and my eyes fall to it—to her hand on me. Her touch feels foreign, cold. But comforting.
I force a smile on my face and feel my foundation crease. “Well, thank you, Nat. I really appreciate it. It hasn’t made me dizzy in a while, so I wasn’t worried, but I’m glad you were there to check on me.”
Lies…
You’re such a liar, Fallon.
I clench my teeth and Natalie squeezes my arm before letting go. “Of course. I love you, girl. Why don’t you head home and get some rest? I’ve gotta run to the store and then pick up some things I need for class, so we can talk later if you want?” She stops walking and I halt my steps as well. Our eyes lock and her deep, chocolate brown eyes are soft with love and concern and my heart does a little kick.
She really does care.
She wouldn’t if she knew the truth though.
“Yes. Sounds good. I’m exhausted and could definitely use a nap.” I laugh through the pain suddenly lancing through my chest at that thought and she smiles back. She takes a left at the intersection and waves back at me.
“Okay! See you later!” She yells as she walks in the opposite direction. I release the breath I was holding and start my short walk home.
I drag my heavy lids open as my alarm blares right next to my head. Everything feels heavy; from my limbs, to my head, and even my tongue. I force my tongue through my lips and run it along the seam. My lips are dry from sleeping so long and I desperately need a drink of water.
I roll to my side and slap my hand over the top of my alarm clock, silencing the blaring noise. I heave a sigh of relief at the stillness of the room. It’s four thirty in the morning—no one else is awake at this time. Only ever me.
When I got home from the restaurant early yesterday afternoon, I took a sleeping pill—which I haven’t done in a very long time, but after the events of yesterday I figured I desperately needed a dreamless rest. I fell into a deep, heavy sleep—but dreamless it was not, much to my dismay.
Sighing, I sit up, letting the blanket fall from my neck. It pools by my waist and my chest is exposed to the frigid air of my room. The rotating fan blows cool air across my skin and my nipples pebble. I shiver and pull the blanket back up, wanting to go back to sleep.
My brain feels foggy. Heavy.
This is why I never take those pills. Even sleeping for sixteen hours straight, they’re still affecting me, and the grogginess makes it hard for me to focus. I guess I’ll have to push through it today and maybe skip lunch to take a nap between classes.
I rub my eyes, pressing the heel of my hand into the sockets. Colorful lines and dots dance across my darkened vision, swirling and twisting. I drop my hands to my sides, and they flop against the blanket, causing it to puff up with air before settling again.
I blink a few times as my vision clears and force myself out of bed. I trudge around my room as I grab my clothes for the day before gradually making my way to the shower in the hall bathroom.
The hot water flows down, stinging my skin. The steam rises, fogging the glass shower door. I force myself to quickly shower instead of simply standing under the boiling water, and letting it seep into my bones. It will only make me more tired, and I can’t have that.
When I’m exhausted, I make mistakes and I have already made way too many of those lately.
I step out and wrap my body with a white, fluffy towel, tucking the corner underneath my arm to secure it. I then wrap my hair in a clean cotton T-shirt to prevent frizz—another measure I take to perfect my appearance. Avoiding my reflection in the mirror, I make my way to my room and shut and lock my door behind me. Leaning against the door, I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths.
