Page 45 of Fragmented Illusions
“What the hell!” I shout as I stand, forcing myself away from the woman. I whip my head around to glare at both of them, anger flowing through my veins. Anger at myself for wanting what I want, so in return, because they’re the ones doing this to me—making me fuckingcrack—I take it out on them.
“Why is she here?”
“You ask a lot of questions for someone who doesn’t have the right to ask questions,” Creepy deadpans, and I grit my teeth.
“Well, what am I supposed to do?” I can feel myself slipping, overwhelmed and simply tired of fighting it. These urgesandthese men.
“What do you want to do?” Silent asks, his voice monotone and seemingly bored.
“What do I—What the fuck does it matter what I want to do?” My voice rises to an even higher octave. “I want you to let her go.”
“Do you?” This time it’s Silent who deadpans.
“Yes, I do!” I scream, my voice cracking from the strain.
Creepy begins walking around the room in a circle. Literally, in a fucking circle. I follow him with my eyes until he walks behind me then I turn my head to keep following his movements. Silent doesn’t move an inch when he walks behind him. All the while the girl in the middle of the floor remains asleep—or knocked out. Probably the latter.
My thoughts swirl and warp as I try to conclude the point to any of this. I know with the amount of time I’ve been here, I’m way past late for class. I should be panicking I’m breaking my perfect streak of class attendance, but honestly what the fuck does it matter when this is my life.
What does any of it matter?
What isthe fucking pointof it all? What do I get out of it? Constant stress and worry which in turn only adds to my problems?
All I have ever wanted was to be free—which is why I almost jumped that night. Standing on that bridge was utterly euphoric. The wind whipping my hair across my face, stinging my skin. The moon was bright and iridescent. The stars, shining vividly against the black sky.
No cars, no noise—in my head or otherwise.
It was only me and the darkness.
And then my phone rang—shattering my tranquility and my resolve.
That is my biggest regret, bringing my phone when I planned to end my life. Who the hell does that?
It was honestly a lack of thinking on my part, but once it rang, I couldn’t get it back; the peace I felt. ThefreedomI felt.
I lost it and I haven’t been able to feel it since.
Maybe the reason I strive for this perfection is because I think if I force myself to be like the perfectly created humans, I’ll get the feeling back permanently, like they all seem to have.
Everyone seems happy all of the time, with smiles plastered on their faces and boisterous laughs spilling from their lips.
I want that—happiness.
But more so, I want freedom. I want to let go and be me. If that means the voices are with me, then so be it. At least with them, I know I’ll never be alone in the dark.
“Tell us something—and be honest—and we’ll consider letting her go,” Creepy tells me, and my heart peaks before it sinks. Honestly. I don’t think I can be honest, but maybe if it will save this girl’s life, I can do it. Just this once.
I take a deep breath, pondering while I stare down at the woman. She really is beautiful. I can see a few similarities between us but not much more. “What do you want?” I ask, my tone desolate.
“What were you thinking that made you want to touch her hair?” Silent speaks this time, and my gaze shifts to him, still standing by the doorway into the room. His arms hang by his side, but he still radiates this calm, collected energy. He quite literally screams deadly.
His brother on the other hand stops next to him and crosses his arms across his chest. A glint catches my eye and I see his knife—the very one he cut me with last night—is resting between his fingers. I squint my eyes to get a better look and I think I can see small traces of my blood still clinging to the silver of the blade.
My stomach flutters as memories of last night flash through my head. I push them away, determined not to let them get under my skin any more than they already have.
Why are you always lying to yourself?
It doesn’t do anyone any good, you know.
