Page 67 of Monster
Vincent
Present
I fucking knewshe had feelings for him. I fuckingknew it.But hearing her admit it is a whole other fucking ball game. I merely wanted her honesty, but I didn’t expect it to hurt so fucking much when I got it.
I’m standing in my office, wearing a path into the fucking floor with my pacing. Such a fucking cliché, but I can’t help it. My blood is boiling, and I feel like I’m at my breaking point. The one person, theone motherfucking personwho made me fuckingfeelsomething, has feelings for someone else. She fucking tried to kill me and then ran into another man’s arms—and a fucking addict at that!
“Fuck!” I bellow as I swipe my hand across my desk, knocking everything to the floor with a huge clatter.
It’s not enough.
I curl my hands around the edge of my desk and yank up. I heave as the fucker moves and grunt when I push it the rest of the way over. The floor vibrates as it hits the ground and I hear Essa’s echoed scream from the noise.
It’s not enough.
It’s never enough.
I want to fucking kill her. She needs to pay for what she fucking did. No one fucks with the Monster and gets away with it.
Without thinking, I run out of the room and down the stairs. Rushing into the kitchen, I swipe my phone off of the counter and hit redial.
When Leo picks up on the other end with a gruff, “What’s wrong,” I know I did the right thing.
“Leo. I need you—now.”
* * *
“Getthe fuck out of here, man. I’ll take care of her,” Leo reassures me for probably the hundredth time in the last ten minutes. I’m so hesitant to leave, but I have to. I need some fucking space before I kill the little bitch. As much as I want to, I can’t. I fucking need her in my life more than I need to kill her.
My obsession with her is fucking everything up and having no control over it is the hardest part.
“Are you sure?” I ask again, and Leo punches me in my left arm.
“Yes, you fucker. Stop worrying about her. I won’t let her leave my sight. You go and fucking calm down. Come back when you are feeling better—however long it takes.” Leo nods at me to get into my car. I put my hand on the handle and pull the door open. Right as I move to drop my ass into the seat, I pause, hovering mid-way.
“Oh, um. I should probably mention Essa is chained naked to her bed. She’s most likely going to be pissed. I left her there earlier and it’s been a few hours…” I trail off, looking away. My behavior with her is normal to me, but when I say it aloud, especially to someone else, I realize how fucking insane all of this is.
“Damn. You think she’ll try to shoot me?” he asks with his brow quirked in amusement and I snort.
“Fucking asshole,” I mumble as I jump into my car. I shove the key into the ignition and turn it over. My car rumbles to life underneath me and I smile. This is what I need. A long ass fucking drive blaring music to clear my head.
“You don’t care I’ll see her naked?” he shouts over the rumble of the engine, and I glare at him in return.
“Don’t you like dick now?” I retort and shift into drive, flooring it down the road. I glance in my rearview mirror and see Leo flipping me off as he shakes his head. I laugh as I step on the pedal, pushing the car to go faster.
* * *
“Headstrong”by Trapt blares through the car's speakers and I bop my head to the beat as the wind whips around me. I drive with my right hand and my left is resting on the door. It’s now pitch-black outside and only my headlights illuminate a path in front of me.
This is my favorite time to drive.When you can’t see anything other than what’s right in front of you. You don’t know what’s out there, what’s surrounding you in the dark, nothing. It’s peaceful and exactly what I needed. I know now if I hadn’t called Leo and gotten out of there when I did, I was going to fucking kill her.
I was going to take her own knife and sink it into her fucking chest, watching as she bled out in front of me. The feeling was too fucking intense, and I almost succumbed to it—almost. But somehow, I fucking fought it, making me think I have more control over the monster inside of me than I thought.
I shake my head, annoyed with myself. I reach down and grab my pack of smokes and pull one out. I light in and suck in a deep lungful of nicotine, sighing as I feel it slightly burn my lungs. The frigid air coming in through the open window would normally be enough for me to quickly finish my smoke and roll it up, but tonight, the cold only serves to remind me of Essa and how cold she feels every time my skin comes close to hers.
I clench my jaw as I stub my cigarette out in the ashtray. No matter what the fuck I do, my thoughts always turn back to her. “Believe” by Staind comes on next and I close my eyes for a brief second as the lyrics and music rush through me.
When the fuck did my life get so complicated? “Oh, yeah, when I decided it would be a great idea to take a girl as payment for fucking money owed to me. Great fucking idea, Vincent.”
