Page 46 of Monster
I make it the rest of the way without issue and turn left. This hallway is darker than the one I was just down—probably because this one actually has patients and the other didn’t, but either way, it doesn’t affect me any.
I step up to room fifty-four and hold my breath. Like last time, I canphysicallyfucking feel her influence over me, urging me to enter. To pull her into my arms and take her away from this place. To bring her back home—where she fucking belongs. Not in the arms of another fucking man.
Fuck.
Just like that, the rage is back. I swear to fucking God, no one else haseverhad this kind of influence over me and I hate it so goddamn much. I’m no longer in control and the mayhem festering inside of my head isso. Fucking. Loud.Without her. I never realized until after I lost her how much she helped me. How much she…saved me.
She fucking saved me.
And I saved her.
And now we’re… this. Separated and utterly fucking broken. I broke her even worse when she was mine to break. But then she turned the fucking tables. She ruined me and fuck me if I didn’t deserve it. I deserved so much worse than the bullet she put in me, and for so long, I was angry. Hurt. I still am, but now I… understand? Maybe that’s the word. Fuck if I know. All Idoknow, is I need her—no matter what.
The fact she’s fucking another man is something I’ll deal with when we’re home and I no longer have to worry about losing her again.
As slowly and quietly as I can, I turn the doorknob to her room and push it open. The door is silent as it moves, and I let out the breath I was holding in anticipation. My heart is pounding now—not because I’m frightened, but because I’m about to see her. Not seeing her for a few days has fucked with me now that I’ve laid eyes on her again.
I never realized how fucking obsessed with her I really am, but fuck. I don’t care. She’s my obsession. My baby doll. My fucking creep. No matter what I call her, it doesn’t change the way I feel because my fucking monster wants her and who am I to deny him what he wants?
I shut the door behind me with a click and watch as the already very dim light is shut out completely. Essa must have her curtains shut tonight, which is unusual for her. She always loved to stare out at the night sky.
I amble down the very short walkway until I step into the main part of her room—then I stop moving completely. My eyes are now beginning to adjust to the dark and I can barely make out Essa’s sleeping figure. I stand there for a few moments, simply staring at her. She looks so ethereal when she’s sleeping. Her long, black hair is sprawled out across the pillow and her hands are up by her face, tucked underneath her chin as she sleeps on her side.
Her skin appears even more ghastly in the darkness and her scars… Fuck, her scars. The paleness of her skin makes them stand out even more than normal and my dick swells at the sight—but they only make her more beautiful. Seeing her sleeping so peacefully reminds me of the nights I watched her sleep—months ago…
That seems like forever ago, except with the memories playing so vividly in my head, it only feels like yesterday. What I would do to have that again… I take a deep breath and hold it as I take the few steps over to where she’s sleeping. I can feel blood rushing through my ears as my heart pounds brutally, almost painfully.
My palms are clammy as I reach out to touch her and I resist the urge to wipe them on my clothes.Why the fuck am I so nervous?I’ve touched her thousands of times, so many of those were to cause pain, but I touched her nonetheless. And now I’m nervous like a fucking teenage boy about to kiss a girl for the first time, except I don’t even know what the fuck that’s like.
Essa was my first and only kiss. I’ve never wanted to kiss another soul until her. She dug her claws into me and made me break so many of my own fucking rules, now I have no fucking idea what they were. Kissing her is euphoric and I crave to do it again.
Thoughts of her plump lips on mine causes me to lean down and squat next to her bed. This is the closest I’ve been to her in months and having her skin so fucking close to mine makes me crave to run a blade across it—to make her fucking bleed and then lap up every drop of her blood like it’s the last thing I’ll ever taste.
Resisting the urge to pull my knife—well, her knife—out of my pocket and cut her is almost too strong to resist. I squat down and lean to the left, pulling it out of my right pocket when she moans in her sleep. I hesitate and shift my gaze to her face. Her lips are parted as she breathes deeply and she rolls onto her back, causing the blanket to fall down to her hips and tangle around her legs.
I suck in a breath at the sight of her. She’s wearing a white T-shirt, but it doesn’t do much to hide what’s underneath. In the dim light, I can see her nipples are pebbled and her breasts are moving slightly with every breath she takes. I almost groan at the sight but I bite my fist to stifle the compulsion.
It’s been too fucking long since I’ve had her and it’s killing me. The desire I have coursing through my bloodstream is almost too much. My cock throbs painfully in my pants and I swear all the blood in my body rushes to that one appendage, leaving me dizzy and unsteady on my feet.
She sighs before settling again and I quickly stand before I do something stupid and wake her up. Once she sees me, it’s over. And Ihaveto resist. I have to let her receive the help she needs—as much as it kills me. But my little baby doll will get what’s coming to her. I’ll make her fucking see just how much she ruined me.
Now standing over her again, she appears so small. Like a bug I could fucking squish with my shoe. The thought makes me smile. She has no fucking idea what she’s in for when I can finally have her in my arms again. I turn to move across the room to a chair located in the corner of the room, but something catches my eye.
Is that?...
I lean down until I’m less than six inches away from her face and peer at what caught my eye. My eyes widen slightly when I realize it’s the fucking note I left her. I know she doesn’t know it’s from me, but the fact she even kept it does something to me I’m not sure I like. I find myself smiling and the smile stays as I lean away from her—but not before running my nose through her hair which is sprawled across her pillow.
Fuck, she still smells the same—like minty oranges. I resist the desire to run my fingers through her long black hair and grip it so fucking tight tears spring to her eyes. Thinking about being able to do it soon makes me feel better about not being able to do it right now.
I step away from her and saunter to the chair in the corner of the room. My eyes have long adjusted to the darkness, and I find my way to it easily enough. Sitting and watching her sleep brings back so many fucking memories of our first week together. Me breaking her down, hurting her, and making her fuckingbleed.My dick is so fucking hard, it’s painful and I can’t help but to reach down and cup myself over my clothes, attempting to ease the ache as best I can.
I bring my gaze back to Essa’s sleeping figure—which was abad fucking idea.Seeing her little nipples still hard has precum leaking from my dick and I can’t fucking take it anymore. I grip the waistband of my pants and boxers and push them both far enough down to release my throbbing cock. It flops against my stomach, but I quickly grasp it and jack myself a few times, spreading my fingers around the head and spreading my precum around to give me some lubrication.
I don’t fucking care how weird it is I’m sitting in the dark, jacking off to my sleeping… whatever the fuck she is. But I don’t care. I need this, right fucking now. I lean back as far as I can and spread my legs wider, getting more comfortable. I keep my gaze pinned on Essa and her tiny body. She always appears so fucking little when she’s underneath me—like I’m capable of swallowing her whole.
I pump my fist faster while squeezing to the point of pain which makes a groan slip through my lips, but I don’t stop. Right now, I’m so fucking close, I don’t give a fuck if she were to wake up and see me fucking my hand. In fact, I think a part of me wishes she would. For her to make the decision to speed this shit up.
She rolls to her right side—facing me—and seeing her face does me in. I groan again as I spill into my hand, catching most of it, but some lands on my stomach. I hastily wipe my hand on the cheap fabric of the chair—getting most of my cum off—and stand, pulling my boxers and pants back up simultaneously. My shirt underneath my sweatshirt sticks to my stomach, but I ignore it. I feel too fucking good right now to give a shit about it.
This entire thing did not go how the fuck I planned it to—not that I really had a plan to begin with—but I’m not complaining.I feel good, for now.
I stalk silently over to Essa again and brush my now sticky hand across her cheek, smearing a small amount of my cum across her cheekbone. I grin at the sight. She’s got my cum on her and she doesn’t even fucking know it.
I turn away from her and leave the room before I change my mind and ruin my plan that’s not really a plan.
Patience. Fucking patience, Vincent.
I make it out of the building quickly and efficiently. I jump back in my car and start it before pulling away from the building. I swear, the further I force myself away from Essa, the stronger her pull over me becomes.
“Hemorrhage (In My Hands)” by Fuel begins and I crank up the radio as I make the short drive to my hotel.
