Page 95 of Monster
I felt the need to ruin the only somewhat good thing to ever happen to me. To snuff the light out of her.
“Essa,” Leo says, his tone soft and quiet as he faces her. Essa is pressed all the way against the tree and even ten or more feet away, I can clearly see the indentation of the chains around her wrists and hands as she holds them near her throat. She is still coughing hysterically, but she’s awake. She’s alive and breathing and that alone is enough for me—even though her fear, for the first timeever, hurts me more than anything ever has.
“Essa, can you hear me? You’re okay. I know you’re scared, but I promise you, you will be okay.” Leo’s voice is soothing as he tries to comfort her, and it pisses me off. That’s my fucking job.
“Baby doll,” I purr as I shift on my knees closer to her. A strangled scream escapes her throat as she presses herself further into the tree, I’m sure it’s painful.
Not any more painful than her fucking dying, you dipshit.
“Baby doll, please, listen to me.” I crawl closer to her and reach my hand out, but before I can extend my arm fully, Leo wraps his long fingers around my forearm and yanks my arm down towards him. He presses his face to the side of mine as he growls quietly in my ear.
“Go the fuck away, Vincent. You are scaring her, and it’s not doing shit to help right now. She is terrified of you and the only thing I want her to focus on is talking to me and the fucking doctor. Go. Away.” He shoves me away from him, and I land with a thud on my ass in the dirt. My jeans are already damp from the freshly wet ground, but none of that matters.
The only thing that matters is Essa’s fearful gaze locked on me. I stand on shaky legs and brace myself against the tree to keep my balance as all of the blood goes rushing to my head. With one last longful stare at Essa, I turn away from her and amble further into the trees. If I can’t be with Essa, then I can go to the one place where my memories of her aren’t tainted with my sick mind.
* * *
“Please tell me she is okay,”I plead to Leo. We’re both sitting on the steps outside as the darkness settles in around us. The dark orange and red hues have long disappeared and now it’s only us and the darkness—not even the stars are making an appearance tonight.
“The doctor said physically, she’ll be okay.”
“What does that mean?” I ask as I tilt my head to glance at him. He meets my gaze with a steely one of his own and it has the immense guilt I have been feeling every second since I realized what I did, surging forward.
“It means the man she loved fucking strangled her, Vincent. What the fuck else do you think it means?”
“I—” I sigh as I drop my eyes to the ground. “I don’t fucking know. I don’t know what happened, I fucking swear I don’t. One minute I was so fucking angry with my hands wrapped around her beautiful fucking throat and the next, I was in the darkness. Just Essa, me, and our fucking baby. It was perfect, Leo.” I flick my gaze back up to him and he stares back at me, giving nothing away with his face—his hands on the other hand and clenched as tight as can be, and I know what’s coming next.
“Just fuck—” A hard fist connects with my nose and a crack and sudden rush of blood over my lips has me feeling light-headed. My head swims as I bring my hand up to my nose to pinch it, but it doesn’t do a lot of good, so instead I grip the end of my T-shirt to help soak up some of the blood before it gets everywhere.
“I fucking deserved that,” I mumble through the fabric of my T-shirt.
“You deserve a helluva lot more, you fucking prick,” Leo spits out and the hatred in his tone throws me for a loop. He has never—and I mean never—been this mad at me before and when he yells at me, I feel like a petulant child being reprimanded for misbehaving.
“You never told me why you even showed up to begin with,” I say.
“Mike called me and told me he sent you Essa’s medical records. I knew that shit would probably set you off, so I decided to come over and check on you, just in case. Fucking glad I did. Didn’t fucking expect to walk into my best friend leaning against a tree, lost in his fucking head and his girl chained to a fucking tree, practically fucking dead.”
“I can understand why you’re pissed. I fucked up, Iknow.But you didn’t even like Essa. Why are you defending her so forcefully?” I ask. Leo’s hard gaze makes me shudder, but he still doesn’t break eye contact.
“I can understand fucking up, Vincent. What I can’t understand is strangling someone you love. You don’thurtthe people you love.” With that, he stands and makes his way back inside.
“I’m going to stay here for a while, to make sure Essa is okay. The doctor left, and she needs someone she can trust. That person isn’tyou.” He slams the door behind him, and I drop my head between my knees in defeat.
I fucked up so goddamn bad, I don’t even know what to say or do. I feel lost. My gaze falls to my mutilated left arm and the word I now loathe stares back at me, taunting me. Reminding me.
Tragic beginnings always lead to tragic ends.
And this is my tragic end.
