Page 36 of Monster
I take another step forward, and another. And another, until I’m in the room and the window at the back wall comes into view—and with it, the moonlight.
Moonlight which illuminates the room just enough for me to see.
And what I see is the bed. A bed my baby doll is sleeping peacefully in.
With another fucking man.
Everything around me blurs as I stare at them, wrapped up in each other, their slight breathing permeating the air, fucking suffocating me.
Fuck the moon.
And fuck the light.
I much prefer the darkness.
I don’t know what happens next—everything is hazy.
I remember slamming into the wall in the hallway, clutching my chest. My heart palpitates and sharp pains zing through my torso with lightning speed. My heart is going to explode and obliterate me entirely.
Maybe that wouldn’t be the worst thing.
I remember falling into my car and blindly shoving my keys into the ignition, starting it and peeling away, the fog surrounding me only growing more dense by the minute.
I vaguely remember driving, but somehow, I made it here—to this bar I’m now parked in front of.
My hands are white-knuckling the steering wheel and I swear I can feel it bending from the pressure. My eyes burn, but no tears fall. My entire body is shaking—from anger or something else, I’m not sure.All I am sure of is the pain. Of how fuckingconsumingit is.
I step out of the car, albeit unsteady as my entire body continues to shake uncontrollably. I leave everything except my wallet inside of it and slam the door. I yank open the matte black metal door to the bar and once I step over the threshold, “Living Dead Girl” by Rob Zombie assaults my eardrums. The intense bass vibrates everything around me. The room is dimly lit, but not enough to where I can’t see what’s in front of me, even through my distorted vision.
I shuffle over to the closest bar stool and drop my ass onto it, smacking the bar with my palm. The bartender—a short, young looking guy—comes over, a rag tossed over his shoulder.
“What can I get ya?”
“Bourbon—neat. Give me your most expensive bottle and leave it,” I snap as I dig out my wallet and smack down two one hundred dollar bills.
“You got it,” he nods his head and grabs a fresh bottle from the top shelf. He sets it next to me—unopened—along with a glass. He takes the money and goes about doing whatever the fuck he was doing before I got here. I don’t care.
All I care about right now is getting so fucking drunk I can’t hear myself think.Or feel.
* * *
I’m half a bottle in.The music around me is pumping and the bar is packed—though I have no fucking idea what time it is. My body feels hotter with every glass I consume, but for some reason, I still fucking feel… whatever the fuck it is I’m feeling.
My entire fucking chest is aching—actually, my whole fucking body is.
I rub at my chest again as I down another glass. I slam it down and reach to grab the bottle to fill it up to the brim when a tall brunette swipes it before I can. My reflexes are slow from how much I’ve drank, but I can’t bring myself to care, even though I know I’m being irresponsible.
“Feel like sharing, big boy?” she purrs right into my ear as she runs the tip of her tongue along the outer shell of my ear.
“I don’t fucking care,” I grunt out, not bothering to even glance at her again besides an initial first glance.
“Thanks,” she whispers as she pulls away. My eyes follow her movement without my permission, and I observe as she puts the bottle to her bright red lips and takes a few drinks. Her throat moves slightly with her swallows, and I can’t help but to think of Essa’s throat. Of her tied to my fucking bed, bleeding. Desperate to fucking come.
Goddamnit!
I roll my eyes into the back of my head and clutch the glass in my hand with a death grip. The girl next to me is oblivious of the fact I’m about to fucking strangle her—or cut her fucking heart out.
She sets the bottle back down on the bar before leaning across it, angled towards me to give me a direct view of her ample tits. “So… Wanna get out of here?” she asks, trying to keep the fake sultry tone to her words.
