Page 35 of Monster
Vincent
Three months ago
A few agonizing hours later,I’m finally pulling into the parking lot of the mental health facility Essa is in and I swear my heart is going to beat out of my chest. I had to stop on the way and buy a carton of cigarettes because I couldn’t stop smoking. I probably smoked three whole fucking packs—maybe more. And I feel just as jittery.
And I probably reek of smoke.
I’m fucking nervous, but at the same time, a sense of peace has come over me.
I’m about to see my baby doll. And bring her little ass home with me where she belongs.
I step out of the car and shut the door behind me. Now that the sun has begun to set, the chill in the air is more pronounced, so I pull my hood over my head and shove my hands in my pockets. I take a deep breath and stroll towards the front door, my steps sure and confident—though I’m feeling anything but.
I step through the revolving door and when I step onto the linoleum floor of the lobby, there is no nurse at the front desk—in fact, there’s no one I can see.
Odd. But it’s not going to stop me from getting Essa.
I stroll right past the desk and begin my search for her. This place only has one floor, so it shouldn’t take me too long to find her. The fluorescent lights overhead are bright in contrast to the darkness coming from the windows now the sun has set. They flicker occasionally as I walk down the long hall, trying to peek into the windows of every door as casually as I can.
After making it through the entire hallway of rooms, I feel my irritation growing.
She has to fucking be here.
She has to be.
I turn right and start down the next hallway, and it seems this place is one big fucking square. I clench my fists tighter with every room I pass that doesn’t have her in it.
I hear a door bang shut and I slip into the closet I’m in front of, avoiding being seen. I push myself to the side, away from the tiny window located right above the door handle. I slouch over and cock my head to the right slightly to glance out of the window when I see a nurse with blonde hair tied into a tight bun and dark blue scrubs walking past, a handful of papers in her grasp. She also has her cell phone wedged between her head and left shoulder, talking loudly to someone on the other end.
“Yeah, it’s been a long day. My shift ends in ten and then I’m headed for home, babe.” Her conversation continues, but she turns the corner and I miss what she’s saying. I straighten my head and rest it against the wall behind me. The darkness of the closet feels almost comforting, and I take a minute to breathe. I’ll find Essa and everything will go back to normal.
I take one last, shuddering deep breath and check to make sure I don’t see anyone before exiting the closet and heading the way I was going.
Room fifty-four.
For some reason when I get to the pale wooden door of room fifty-four, I get chills. Goosebumps slither their way up my arms and towards my neck. My heart rate instantly kicks up—as if my body knows she’s fucking nearby.
This is it.It has to be.
For some reason, I feel tense, so I roll my shoulders a couple of times and raise my hand to the door handle. I grip it between my fingers, but I don’t turn it.
I’m frozen.
Fuck.
What if she doesn’t want me anymore? What if I broke her and I can’t find the pieces I need to put her back together—my little doll. My baby doll. What if I ruined her?
No. I don’t need to find pieces to put her back together. If I have to, I’ll cut the skin off of my very own fucking body and sew it onto her if that’s what it takes to fix her.
I’ll fucking kill myself for her. Whatever it takes.
I’d… I’d do anything for my baby doll.
My tears burn my eyes and when I blink, they fall, burning a path down to my neck before absorbing into the collar of my sweatshirt. A shuddering, weak breath leaves my lips and I bite my bottom lip as I close my eyes and turn the knob, pushing the door open as quietly as I can.
The room is dark and small, but I know she’s in here. I can fuckingfeelher.
There is a tiny hallway about five feet long before you get into the room itself, so I take a few steps and let the door fall shut behind me. Her minty-orange scent assaults my senses as I step into the room and I take a deep breath, wallowing in it. The door slows right before it latches shut and the light from the hall is gone, blanketing the room in darkness—but I don’t need the light. I’ll always find my baby doll and it seems I’m always finding her in the darkest places.
