Page 2 of Monster
Essa
Six months ago
Beep Beep Beep!
Ugh, someone shut that fucking beeping up.
I attempt to peel my eyes open but they refuse. My eyelids feel like they weigh a thousand pounds and the exertion it takes me to open them is too much, so I give up. My entire body feels like it got hit by a fucking car.
Wait.
Where the fuck is Holley?
Thinking about her is enough to give me the willpower to force my lids open. The first thing I see is the blinding fluorescent lights, flickering above me. I drag my eyes over to the machine which is beeping next to me. There are multiple wires running from it and when I trace them with my eyes, I see they lead to me.
Okay, so I’m in a hospital. Is Holley here too?
I push my hands into the hard hospital bed beneath me and attempt to sit up to get a better look around, but an unbearable pain shoots through my entire body and it causes me to flop back onto the bed, a weakened cry leaving my mouth. I close my eyes and breathe out huffs of air as I try to handle the pain coursing through me, but it’s not working. Tears leak from my eyes and burn their way down my face. I want to wipe them away, remembering I can’t choose weakness, but I can’t. I can’t move a single muscle without my entire body screaming in protest.
As I continue to breathe through the pain, the door to the room slides open quietly before closing again. I still, not a single breath leaving me as I strain my ears to hear who the fuck is in my room. It could be a nurse, but for some reason, I have a feeling it’s not and I’ve learned to trust my gut.
I remain frozen and the sound of blood rushing through my ears is almost deafening. The scrape of a chair across the linoleum floor has me flinching slightly and I hope whoever is in here didn’t catch it. I feel the presence of this person next to me as they pull the chair up right next to my bed and take a seat.
My heart is pounding in my chest, and I swear on everything they can hear it. My hand is suddenly gripped between two cold, calloused hands and the second contact is made against my skin, my eyes shoot open, and I swing my stare to the person sitting beside me.
My movement must startle him because the moment I jerk, he darts his eyes to my face, and they bulge when he sees me staring back at him. He shoots up from his chair, the movement knocking it back behind him and it hits the ground with a loud clatter. He moves closer to me with my hand still gripped between both of his. I don’t know what to do, or how to react, and my body remains frozen. I don’t recognize this man, but he must recognize me because he starts spewing words at a million miles a minute.
“Essa! Oh my god, Essa! You’re awake! Fuck, I was so scared. I’m so glad you’re okay.” He leans down and gives me a light, side hug before moving back to grab his chair. Once he’s seated, he leans forward and rests his head on the bed next to me. I observe as his shoulders lightly shake and little puffs of breath leave his mouth.
“Who are you?” I finally manage to spit out.
“Do—” He cuts himself off with a cough before continuing. “Do you not remember me?” I must have a crazy look on my face because he peers at me with so much sorrow in his eyes, I can feel the pain radiating from him.
“I, um, I’m the one who pulled you from the car after your accident and…” He trails off, not wanting to continue, but he doesn’t have to. The second he says this, all the memories hit me like a fucking brick to the face.
The memories of the wreck and this man—Dominik, I think—talking to me as he tried to help me. But I remember him saying something about Holley not being okay. He said Holley didn’t make it, but that can’t be right. I shake my head fervently as my brows draw together. My brain must still be foggy from the accident, and I don’t remember what exactly happened because there’s nothing wrong with Holley. She’s okay, and she’s just in another room.
When I bring my gaze back to him, he meets my eyes, and he has tears brimming in his own.No, please don’t look at me like that. I don’t like that.
“Essa, I need you to know I did everything I could to help Holley, I truly did, but by the time I got to you both, it was too late. I think… I think she died from the impact of the accident because the car which hit you, struck her side. But the doctors won’t tell me anything because I’m not family. The only reason I can be in here with you is because the nurses said I could since you don’t have any other family.
“I’ve been here with you every day for the last two weeks. I didn’t want you to be alone. I wanted you to know you’ve got someone here for you.”
His words don’t register with me as I stare at him with a blank expression on my face. Everything is distorted, nothing makes sense. This is the worst nightmare of my life and I wish for nothing more than to just wake the fuck up. So that’s what I try to do.
I let out a deep, guttural scream as I launch myself from the bed. The pain in my body is nothing compared to the pain I feel in my heart. Dominik shoots up from his chair and attempts to grab a hold of me, probably to calm me down, but I don’t let him. I thrash around and his grip slips from me as the tubes connected to me tangle. I shove the machine and it clatters to the ground while ripping my IV out of my hand at the same time. Dominik is trying his best to calm me down. I can vaguely hear the soothing words which are leaving his mouth, but my own thoughts are consuming me.
Holley is gone. Fuckingdead.Right as I was about to get everything I had ever wanted, some fucking car came and ruined it for me and now I’m all alone. She was my entire reason for existing, and now that she’s gone, I have no reason to be here anymore. I don’twantto live in a world where she doesn’t exist.
The cruel darkness of this world is already beginning to surround me again without her light. The same light that kept me from falling into the deepest pits of hell has now been snuffed out, and I’m falling faster than I ever have before.
I know what I must do, but before I get the chance, the door is sliding open with a bang and in comes a team of nurses with a doctor. They rush over and grab a hold of me, trying to bring me back to the bed.
“No! Let me go! I need to be with Holley! I have to fucking die too! I can’t live in this world without her!” I scream, but they ignore me. They manage to get me back to the bed and something pokes my upper arm as a nurse with dark brown hair holds me in place. She gives me a pained smile, the pity clear as day on her face. I don’t fucking want anyone’s pity. I just want to fucking die.
My body sags down onto the bed as every limb feels heavier by the second. My eyelids droop as I fight the sudden drowsiness I feel. The nurses surrounding me back up as Dominik moves closer. He sits next to me on the bed and grabs my face between both of his hands. His calloused hands feel warm against my icy skin and his lips feel even warmer when he presses them to my forehead. My eyes close at the contact, and when I try to reopen them, I can’t.
“Get some sleep, baby girl. I’ll be right here when you wake up,” Dominik whispers before sleep overtakes me.
