Page 16 of Creep
His hands on my legs.
He breath fanning my face as he moves on top of me.
The pain.
The agonizing, brutal pain.
No. I can’t.
I suck as much air into my mouth as I can, but none of it enters my lungs. My chest heaves as my lungs burn with the need for oxygen. Heat floods my cheeks as a cold sweat breaks out across my forehead.
I can’t pass out.I have to fight this. I have to fight him.
I don’t know what he would do to me if I lost consciousness and that’s a risk I can’t take, not again. Never again.
I somehow convince myself to take deeper breaths to calm my racing mind and my racing heart, but it becomes impossible when I see him pick up the whip in my peripheral.A fucking whip. All previous thoughts forgotten, the panic comes surging back into the forefront of my mind and black dots dance around the edge of my vision. A loud ringing sounds in my ears and my skin heats. I feel like I’m on fire.
Fire.
Pain.
I need to cut. It’s the only way I have ever been able to erase the thoughts of my father from my mind, or anything I can’t deal with. Ironic, I know. Masking one pain with another, but it’s the only thing that works and I’m not about to start changing it now. In my desperation for the one thing I know will save me, I resort to the lowest of lows—begging.
“Please, get me my knife. I need it!” I sob. He keeps his gaze locked on mine, but his expression remains stoic. His eyes now blank as well.
“Please, Vincent, I’m begging you! I need you to untie me. I can’t fucking do this!” Tears stream down my face, leaving a trail in their wake. Vincent moves until he’s standing right beside me, never taking his eyes off of me. I don’t even think he’s blinked one time. It sets chills bone deep, but a dark cloud settles over me and exhaustion sets in.
7
Essa
I rousefor the second time that night, or was it early into the next day? That’s one of my fucking problems. I don’t know what day it is or even what time it is because I’ve been unconscious most of the fucking time.
I yank on my arms, but they’re still tied to the fucking bed frame and my body is lying sideways. My arms are stretched to my right and they ache from having been stuck in the same position for so long. I’m uncomfortable as fuck.
While shuffling my body into a sitting position the best I can, I inspect the room for Vincent, but I don’t see him, which means he probably stepped out for a few before coming back for me. I need to hurry up and find some way to get out of this hell hole. I don’t know what I expected, but this is a whole other level of fucked up.
But Holley. Fuck. I can’t be sure if my dad was bluffing about her or not. He has never laid a finger on her our entire lives—only lucky ‘ol me—so it makes me question him. He’s never laid a finger on her because she’s actually his biological daughter and I’m not, but it’s not like it matters at this point.
Her life and her freedom are a risk I’m not willing to take. My one purpose in life is to protect her at all costs. With that in mind, I know I can’t leave, but I at least have to get out of these fucking ropes. I pull against them, testing the strength of the knots. Naturally, they don’t budge, but I try a few more times anyway becausewhy the hell not. It’s a start at least.
I shuffle myself around on the bed, being as quiet as I can so I don’t alert Vincent I’m awake, wherever he may be. I manage to maneuver myself to the bedside table and use my toes to grip onto the handle. I pull it open but snort when I realize it’s empty.Of fucking course it’s empty. Why would I assume he would leave a fucking knife or something sharp lying around where I could reach it?Sometimes my own stupidity makes me want to scream. I slam the drawer shut, pissed off. If that’s not my luck, I don’t know what is. There’s nothing else I can reach while tied to this damn bed.
I scooch to the other side of the bed, the side nearest to the door, while moving slowly and deliberately. I think I can flick the lock on the door if I can stretch far enough. It won’t do much, but when he comes back, maybe it’ll buy me enough time to figure something else out.
Stretching my body with my arms raised high above my head, I lay my body across the end of the bed, stretching my foot to reach the door handle a few feet away. My limbs scream in protest, but I fight against the urge to give them relief.
Once I get my toes on the lock, I curl them and twist my foot to turn the lock but my foot slips. I humph out an exasperated breath and try it again. On the third try—third time's a charm—I miraculously manage to wiggle my toes enough to turn the lock. Satisfied, I finally bring my screaming body back to the edge of the bed. I bite my tongue to stifle the cry which almost slips past my lips when my body is finally settled back onto the bed.
I lie back on the bed, attempting to get comfortable in my compromised position as my thoughts overrun my brain. I have no fucking clue what to do. I don’t think I can stay with this man, but at the same time, I know I don’t have a choice. I never fucking did. Even though Holley’s gone to college, I don’t know if it will stop Ben from bringing her back here to pay his debt. He’s a druggie for fucks sake. He’s never given a shit about anyone or anything but his next fix.
But for some reason, he has had a soft spot for Holl a time or two, or as much of a soft spot someone like him could have. It’s never been anything big by any means, and almost nonexistent to the point I would’ve never noticed if I didn’t see it for myself once before. Don’t get me wrong, we were both neglected plenty, but he kept the physical shit to me and me alone.
We were at the park playing one day because Ben had brought us. We were probably only at the park because he was buying drugs, but I guess ignorance is bliss, especially being a child. Holley was probably eight, and I was seven. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining down, warming everyone and everything in its path. A few clouds could be spotted throughout the sky making it look as if they were painted on.
We decided to slide down the giant metal slide together because it was always more fun that way. On our way down, Holley burnt her legs causing blisters to instantly pop up against her skin. The heat from the sun turned the metal so hot it burned to the touch, but we didn’t realize it before it was too late.
She started crying in pain the second we jumped off and when she realized what happened, she ran to our father. She ran right up to him and jumped into his arms without hesitation. I stayed by the slide, watching it all, but not saying a word. For one, I thought it was strange as hell she sought him out in a moment of pain when all our mother and father had ever brought us was a life full of suffering, but Holley was always a forgive and forget type of person from the time she was a little girl.
