Page 56 of Creep
I take a deep breath to gather any ounce of remaining strength I might have deep down inside of me, and continue to tell Holley everything.
I tell her about wishing on the stars.
I tell her about the drugs and all of the things I witnessed.
I tell her about the things I endured almost every night for the last ten years.
But then it’s time to talk about Vincent and I clam up. It’s still so new, so fuckingraw, that it physically hurts me to talk about him. I dig my nails into my palm, giving myself a little bit of pain to keep focused and tell her some things about him, but not everything. I can’t tell her everything.
I can’t tell her how badly he hurt me and I can’t tell her how much I loved it. I made sure my entire body was covered in sweatpants and a hoodie with my long hair split down the middle to cover my neck. It’s the one thing I refuse to tell her. I don’t tell her I cut myself or anything related to it. I just can’t. I think a part of me knows she’ll be ashamed of me, or fuck, even fucking judge me and I can’t risk it.
By the time it takes me to spill every bullshit thing I can think to tell her, it’s been well over an hour into our trip. She didn’t utter a single word the entire time. She remained quiet and let me say everything I needed to. I think she knew if she were to speak and interrupt me, it would snap me out of my reverie and the conversation would have ended.
Suddenly she pulls off on an exit ramp and pulls into a McDonald’s drive thru, which is luckily open at three in the morning. She grins over at me and rolls up to the order screen, ordering every single one of our favorites—her attempt at making me feel better.
* * *
After devouring our food,we jump back onto the interstate, heading east. The sky is still dark, but I know it’s nearing dawn.
“Hey Holl, I have to ask. How the hell were you even able to come to begin with? I know I was asking a lot of you to come get me, but if I’m being honest, I didn’t think it was even possible.”
“One, I will always do everything I can to help you. And two, I have a really amazing boss. Ugh, seriously, Ess. He’s the freaking best.” She gushes over him and how amazing he is for the next two minutes straight, but she pauses when she notices me staring at her with a smirk on my face.
“What?” She draws the word out as her face begins to turn red.
“Oh my fucking god! You like him!” I squeal and her face turns a brilliant shade of red.
“Yes, I like him. We’re actually kind of… dating,” she blurts out and I jump back in my seat, shock written all over my face. My sister, my big sister, has a boyfriend and she’s happy.
Guilt threatens to consume me again because I dragged her into this mess. I took her away from her life and brought her right back. She was free and I’ve gone and fucked it up.
“Essa, stop.” Her voice has me swinging my head over to hers.
“Stop feeling guilty. I came because I love you and I want to help you anyway I can. Liam understood and helped me out. Please don’t worry, it will all be okay. And you’ll love him! He’s so sweet and kind.”
She goes on and on and I rest back in the seat as I watch her speak. It’s nice to simply listen to her talk and I appreciate more than she could ever know how she rolled over all of the bullshit I spilled and is—for the most part—pretending like it never happened because she knows I need time to process everything. And I fucking love her more for it.
She gets passionate talking about Liam and I can tell she’s falling in love with him. Her eyes light up whenever she talks about something he did or said and it makes me smile a real fucking smile. It feels weird on my face, but also like it’s supposed to be there.
A sort of weight leaves my chest and I take a deep breath as I glance out of the window again. I stare up at the stars and then close my eyes.
Thank you stars.
Thank you for finally saving me.
28
Essa
Tires screechas a loud crash rings loudly in my ears. My eyes fly open from my slumber and instantly land on Holley. The rising sun shining through the window is enough to blind me, but I fight the urge to blink when I see her. The moment I do, I notice how pale she is.
Her body gets wrenched to the side and we begin to spin around and around. Then suddenly, we’re moving in a different direction. One second, we’re upside down, and the next, we’re not. It all happens so fast, but in slow motion. I can see everything and nothing all at once.
My head smacks around from side to side, even as my seat belt holds me in place as best it can. I try to keep my eyes on Holley, but the glass being smashed out all around us forces me to close them.
Holley’s screams pierce my eardrums and I attempt to reach for her in my blind state, but the car rolls one last time and jerks to a stop. I peel my eyes open, blinking a few times to clear the haze. It doesn’t work that well, but enough to where I can tell we’re both suspended upside down but Holley isn’t moving and I can see blood dripping from her lips.
I try to scream for her, for someone to come help us, but all that comes out is a raspy whisper and my throat feels like it’s being crushed.
