Page 22 of Creep
Ever the defiant little girl.
I ignore her and move to the guest chairs, taking a seat where I can see Essa perfectly. I keep my eyes focused on her the entire time. Through her walking across the stage and after, when she’s watching everyone else receive their diplomas. I notice after a while her parents didn’t show up, probably too high to fucking move.
After everyone has received their diplomas, someone makes some stupid speech about how there are greater things to come, blah, blah, blah.I’m fucking bored.
Suddenly, everyone is screaming and there is confetti and hats flying in every direction.Finally, it’s fucking over.
Amidst all the chaos, Essa makes her way over to me, diploma in hand and a scowl on her face.
“Can we please go now?” she clips out, her teeth clenched.
“Fuck yes, let’s go.” I walk out the doors, her fast on my heels. Unlocking the car, we both jump in. She lets out a deep breath and turns her head to gaze at me.
“Do you mind if I call Holley? She’s been calling me all night and I don’t want her to worry.”
“Sure thing. You know not to be stupid about it.” I quirk my brow at her, reiterating what I have told her probably a hundred fucking times by now. I feel like a broken record, even annoying myself at this point, but I never know when she’s going to decide to listen and when she’s going to be a defiant little brat so I have to stay on my toes.
“Yes, I’m well aware. I’m not stupid,” she mutters as she dials her sister, putting the phone to her ear.
“That’s fucking debatable,” I retort and she glares at me but her sister must answer because the biggest smile stretches across her face. Her eyes even crinkle slightly from the sheer force of it.
She begins yapping away to her sister as I pull out of the parking lot, heading back to my house. The sun has long set, my headlights casting shadows along the road as I drive.
“So Far Away” by Staind plays on the radio in the background and I turn it up, attempting to drown out the sound of her voice as I lose myself in the lyrics.
9
Essa
We pullup outside of his house a little while later. I talked to Holley for the first ten-ish minutes of the drive, but she had to get off the phone because she apparently has to wake up early for work, but before she did, she had to tell me about her new boss and how nice and accommodating he’s been. I’ve missed talking to her, but I’m glad she’s happy—it’s what she deserves.
He puts the car into park and we sit in silence. Normally silence is a comfort to me, but my brain is all over the place tonight and nerves wrack my body. It doesn’t help every shift of my weight on the seat causes pain to shoot across my ass, reminding me I let this man spank me in averypublic bathroom at my old fucking high school.Andhe fuckingwhippedme.
I fidget with my fingers as I feel heat crawl up my neck and onto my face when I remember what he did to me. It’s a nervous habit I’ve developed over the years and I don’t even notice when I do it most of the time. But tonight I’m staring directly into my lap to avoid Vincent’s eyes boring into me. He reaches across the center console, gripping my hands in his to halt my movement.
“Would you fucking stop? It’s annoying the hell out of me. You’ve been doing it sporadically since earlier. What the fuck do you have to be so nervous about?”
Is he really fucking serious asking me that right now? ButI stay quiet, ignoring his question.
At first, I was fidgeting all night because I was nervous to see my parents at graduation. It’s only been over a day since I’ve seen them, but honest to God it seems like a whole lifetime ago already. Knowing I would see Benjamin caused my nerves to skyrocket and not being able to cut all night has caused all of my feelings to build and now I feel them boiling over.
When Vincent gave me my things earlier and told me to get dressed, the first thing I did was search for the knife I have hidden in my bag but the motherfucker must have gone through it with a fine tooth comb because I couldn’t find the damn thing.Anywhere.I guess he was serious when he said he didn’t want me to cut myself.
I haven’t the slightest damn clue as how to deal with emotions of any kind. The only time I truly feel anything anymore is when it’s in relation to Holley. I feel her love and I have love for her. I make sure she knows and I try to show it as well as I can, but it’s fuckin’ hard sometimes. I have to fight with myself tooth and nail because it’s been a long time since I’ve had to rely on myself to work through shit instead of going straight to cutting to solve my problems for me.
I fucking hate it.
But now we’re back at his house and I’m annoyed with everything. For one, Ben and Sierra didn’t even bother to make an appearance tonight. I kept my eyes peeled for them, but nope. Of course they didn’t show and now I’m stuck with their drug dealer, but I’m out from underneath their roof so they’re probably having the time of their life with no kids and no responsibilities—not that they made us ones to begin with. I can’t help but wonder if things are going to change now with my visits to Vincent’s. Ben was pretty pissed off about the whole situation and I know he’s dying to take it out on me.
I exit the car and walk along the path leading to the front door, kicking small stones out of the way with the tip of my shoe. There are small lights along the edge of the walkway, illuminating the path and making it easier to see in the black of the night. Though, out here, there are no lights from the city to pollute the sky therefore I can see every star. The moon shines bright and heavy in the sky, illuminating everything around me, but still keeping everything dark enough to have a sinister feel to it.
Glancing up from the ground, I peer through the trees surrounding us for miles, their depth exceptional.
I halt my steps to stare into the woods, hypnotized and lost in my thoughts.
I wonder what it would be like to run through the trees, the wind rushing past me as I push my legs faster and deeper into the dirt, propelling myself forward. Every sense heightened with only your basic instinct to guide you.
Wolves are majestic animals. They’re highly intelligent and loyal to a fault. They bond with their pack and take care of each other—even fighting to the death to protect one another if it comes to it. And a lot of the times it does.
