Page 65 of Ethan
Ethan
The clinic wasquiet that morning, quieter than it had been in weeks.
No patients calling for me. No enforcer showing up at the door with a partner limping at their side.
No endless chime from my computer reminding me of all the things I hadn’t done yet. Just silence.
For the first time in a long while, I could breathe.
So why did it feel so empty? Why couldn’t Dean have walked through the door today instead?
The thought caught me off guard. I pressed my lips together, trying to shake it, but the truth was plain. I’d wanted him to come by yesterday.
The moment I laid eyes on him, I’d wanted to drop everything and just go to him.
Dean hadn’t said much, but the look in his eyes had been enough. Concern, plain as day.
And yet, all I could do was keep my head down and drown myself in work.
My mind was a mess, crowded with everything I hadn’t done and every failure I couldn’t stop replaying.
I didn’t want to face Dean like that, not when all I could think about was how I still wasn’t the healer I was supposed to be, even after all these years.
With Devon around these past few days, I hadn’t had to think. I’d been grateful for it, honestly.
Just slipping back into old patterns, letting him take the lead while I moved through the motions. Being numb was easier than facing how unprepared I really was.
So when Dean came by, coffee in hand, I had nothing to give him. Not even the decency to explain why I hadn’t been replying to his messages.
I didn’t know what to say or how to explain myself. In a way, I was relieved the clinic had been so busy yesterday. Too busy to stop, too busy to slip away.
Devon had kept me pinned down, drilling me with more detailed instructions than before, making sure I wouldn’t let things pile up again the moment he left.
And now he had left again.
The silence pressed in, and for the first time, I really looked at the work around me.
The neat stacks of files Devon had sorted. The charts organized by priority. The absence of chaos that I’d gotten so used to.
How had I never noticed before?
I’d been working at this clinic with Devon for over a year, following his lead, doing what I was told, never once stopping to think about what it meant to be the one in charge.
Devon had carried so much of this on his own, and I’d let myself coast behind him.
Guilt twisted in my gut. All the times I’d left early, thinking my shift was done, Devon had been the one picking up the rest.
He’d trusted me, though. Trusted me enough to hand over the clinic when he left. He’d thought I was ready.
And I’d nearly proven him wrong.
The memory of Nick and Ben still lingered sharp in my chest, proof of how badly things could slip when I wasn’t paying attention. That was on me.
But Devon hadn’t taken the clinic back. He hadn’t decided I wasn’t good enough.
He’d left it to me again, he still believed I could handle it. Like maybe he knew something I didn’t.
Maybe I had been relying on him too much, or maybe I’d just been avoiding the truth of what this role demanded.
