Page 75 of The Other Side of Paradise
Chapter 20
Stella
I was getting rejected a lot on this trip. A whole lot of people just liked to play around with me but weren’t actually interested, and I was starting to think maybe I should have laid off. Maybe I needed to quit trying—stop chasing every little bit of attention like people actually wanted to follow it up, when I should have known better.
I spent a while in the shower, grateful that Allison had left while I was there so I didn’t have to figure out how to talk to her after embarrassing myself, but eventually I had to shut it off and face reality.
I guess this was why I wasn’t afforded my own agency. I didn’t know how anything worked in the world. How could I, when my family wanted as little to do withaveragepeople as possible? If I was left to my own devices, I’d just go say something stupid and embarrass myself, and that was why I had to be kept on a short leash.
Being jealous of Ryan was the worst part of it. I didn’t want to be jealous of my big sister. That was so corny.
I turned off the water and toweled off, getting out of the shower and standing in my underwear in the room, towel inmy hair, leaning back against the couch and trying not to think about what I did last night, and I picked up my phone, checking my texts. My stomach clenched at one from Dad—telling me to go see him at the rooftop center in half an hour to talk before brunch. Under different circumstances, I’d have asked Allison to go with me, but not after I’d gone and made it awkward. I didn’t know what had compelled me to ask her to dinner, but I knew whatoh, uh, I have… plansmeant.
I guess I had to face the music. Even though it made my stomach sink and it made me want to cry a little, I opened Dad’s text and repliedokay, and I went about getting ready for the day with the attitude of somebody getting ready for the day of her own execution. Thirty minutes was too long and too short at once. I wanted to get it over with and I wanted to never do it.
Ugh. I needed coffee first. Real coffee, not the garbage from the machine in here. And probably a croissant or something too. I tugged the towel out of my hair and did my makeup, pulled on a sundress, and I was out the door before I could overthink anything, heading in the direction of the cafeteria before my stomach twisted up in a knot and my breath caught at the sight of Allison, hurrying across the pool courtyard, and I stayed out of her sight—ducked back behind the bar and waiting until she was out of sight before I drifted in the direction she’d come from, seeing exactly what I’d expected—Brooklyn, sitting at a table in the terrace corner behind the bar, setting her phone down and looking up at me when I came around the corner, pulling one foot up into the chair with her, turning to face me.
“Hello, there,” she said, giving me a quick once-over as I sat down across from her. My heart pounded uncomfortably for a second—I desperately wanted to know what Allison had been talking to her about, and I didn’t know how to say that. “How’s it going?” she said, and I put on a fake smile.
“Good,” I lied. She seemed to buy it, so I figured I had to change the subject before she figured it out—she seemed sharp. “How’s it going withyou, huh?” I said, voice dripping with innuendo as I leaned against the table. “You had a good night?”
She stared flatly before she arched an eyebrow. “Are you asking me how sex with your sister was?”
I laughed in surprise. “Don’t make it sound weird,” I snorted. “I’m just scoping out the situation. Ryan was gushing about how good you are, so I’m wondering if she’s actually secretly a disappointment.”
She raised her eyebrows higher, a smile playing on her lips. “Uh-huh… it’s terrible. Simply awful. So bad I can almost manage to keep it in my pants around her for ten whole minutes at a time.”
She had a disarming energy. I guess bartenders were good at getting people to chat. Something about her took my mind off the situation, and I grinned at her, swatting her shoulder. “You’re just as snarky and annoying as she is,” I said. “You’re kind of a match made in heaven.”
“I’m glad you’re so happy to hear how often I take your sister’s clothes off.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Okay, don’t gotoomuch into the details. I just know she’s always had the most boring relationships in the world, and I love seeing her actually enjoy herself with someone,” I said, settling back into my seat. “It’s like… maybe I do have a human being for a sister.”
She snorted. “I promise you she’s definitely enjoying herself. But that’s enough avoiding the elephant in the room. How wasyournight, huh?”
“Psh…” I felt my face prickle, and I looked away. I guess I knew what Allison had been talking about. Maybe I didn’t need to worry about the rejection too much, if she was so into last night that she had to run off to go tell BB right away. “Glad toknow you’ve already been hearing the details,” I said, and she laughed.
“Should I start sharing what Allison told me, let you know where we all stand?”
I sighed. I guess there was no point hiding things after all. “Let’s not get into where everything stands. I feel stupid for messing things up,” I said, and she gave me an incredulous look.
“Messing things up? With Allison?”
I bristled, and I put my hands up defensively. “I just got really into the attention and took it too far, and now things are awkward and she doesn’t want to hang out.”
She gave me an odd look, scoping me out. “Are you trying to get her to hang out, or tohang out?”
“It’s…” I pursed my lips, picking at my fingernails. As if I knew? I’d been hoping for some more time with her to, like… figure it out. It turned out I’d still wanted to kiss her this morning. But I should have known most people didn’t do it like Brooklyn and my sister—usually when you had a sexy little vacation thing, you just enjoyed a night and then left it at that. Not the time for experimenting and exploring and discovering and taking someone to dinner. Ugh. “I’m not, like, trying to do anything serious,” I mumbled finally. “I’m not a lesbian.”
She arched an eyebrow, a smile on one corner of her lips. “Oh yeah… Ryan did tell me you had some hangups around the concept of bisexuality.”
“Oh, god, I’m getting called up all over the place,” I groaned, looking away. “I’m sorry! I’m not a lesbian or bisexual or anything, I’m just… you know, I’m just me.”
“You watched a woman—who is very overtly into you—masturbate in your hotel room, and you let her watch you do the same.”
Yeesh. I mean, yeah, I did. “Jesus, she didn’t hold back on the details,” I mumbled.
“Sounds like you’re at leastflexible,” she said lightly. “Even if it is about enjoying the attention, it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it more. Good to admit to yourself that’s what you’re doing, though. So? Is that what you’re doing?”
