Page 47 of Overeager
By the time he got to the front door, Noah was already back inside, bare-chested in his underwear, carrying a box of … Well, a box of plants.
Eli was no less confused than before. “What—?”
Noah grinned, still panting from his sprint. “I forgot to bring them in last night. They’re herbs.”
“Herbs?”
“Yeah.” Noah nodded, petting a basil leaf as he somehow managed to peer at Eli from under his lashes while looming a head higher than him. “I keep looking at the ones in your kitchenwindowsill. They’re definitely past the point of no return. I thought we could try again.”
Right. The herbs in Eli’s kitchen. They’d been a half-assed approach at a hobby he’d tried in the wake of his separation—one of several failed attempts at opening his life up to new interests when all he’d felt like doing was shutting down. He’d either underwatered them or overwatered them or not said the right magical incantation or whatever, and they’d all died within weeks.
And Noah had noticed. Noticed and bought him new ones. Eli spotted basil and thyme and parsley and what he thought might be chives.
Eli needed to kiss him. Needed to tell him how thoughtful he was. How perfect and sweet he was being when Eli had done nothing to deserve it.
“I don’t want children!” he blurted out instead.
Noah stopped petting the basil plant, raising his brows. “Um … not even plant children?”
“It was— That was a huge reason Richard and I fell apart,” Eli told him, tying his robe shut because he could no longer stand being mostly naked for this conversation, the words escaping no matter how hard he tried to keep them back. “We’d agreed, in the beginning. But I guess he thought … He wanted me to change my mind, but I—I—”
He was having trouble making any sort of sense, and he couldn’t stop twisting his hands in the fabric of his robe.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Noah set the box down carefully on the floor and gathered Eli in his arms, running his warm hands over Eli’s shoulders, blasting calming pheromones while he soothed him with his touch. “Did I—” He gave a strangled half laugh. “Were the herbs that big of a mistake?”
“No.” Eli gave in to his instincts and buried his nose in Noah’s chest, inhaling breath after breath of his pacifying scentuntil he could speak again. “They were perfect. It was sweet.You’resweet. But most alphas—”
Noah wrapped his arms around Eli’s shoulders, pressing him closer. “I don’t want kids either.”
“You can’t justsaythat,” Eli groused. “Not if you don’t mean it.”
And now his eyes were stinging. Oh god, was he crying?
Noah looked down at him in alarm. “Okay. Um. Fuck. How about— Let’s get you coffee. You need coffee, don’t you? I can’t just be springing surprise gifts on you when you’re undercaffeinated. That was my bad, for sure.”
Eli wiped his eyes and let himself be led into the kitchen and supplied with a perfect cup of coffee. Noah babied him all the while with soft touches and softer pheromones, like it really was Noah’s fault and not just Eli having a meltdown for no reason.
He was being way too nice. Eli was definitely going to start crying again if Noah kept being so nice to him.
Once Eli was tucked securely under a blanket on the couch, mug in hand, Noah settled next to him with a water. He slid a bent knee under himself and rested his arm on the back of the couch, placing his head on his fist. “Okay,” he said softly. “So. No rugrats.”
Right. They were having this conversation. Because Eli had started it out of nowhere, like an idiot.
He took a deep breath. Let it out. Took a sip of coffee. Noah waited him out patiently.
“I’ve always known,” Eli finally said. “I just … never felt the pull. I like my time to bemine, you know?” Noah nodded his understanding, and Eli continued, “And I— My parents were great. Good. Fine. But I don’t think they really wanted kids. They just had us because they thought they should? And I know what that feels like. How it pushes you toward any scrap of affection,no matter if the source is … flawed.” He stared down at his mug. “I don’t want to be that kind of parent.”
“You don’t have to justify it, you know,” Noah told him, his gaze steady and his tone even. “It’s enough that you don’t want to.”
Eli let out a bitter laugh. “Well, my ex felt otherwise. He started pushing for it, and I just—Iknewhow that would go. It would have beenmeleaving my career behind to care for them, not him. Me giving up everything I’d worked for. But somehow I was still the selfish one for not wanting it.”
Noah’s tone was slightly less even as he said, “He sounds like a fucking asshole.”
Eli shrugged. Faith held the same sentiment when it came to Richard, but it had been hard for Eli to see it. “He changed his mind. He wanted me to do the same. People do change their minds.”
As if sensing the pointed nature of that statement, Noah met Eli’s gaze square on and told him, “I’ve known since I was a teenager that I don’t want kids.” He waited until Eli gave him a stilted nod of acknowledgment before continuing, “I’ve done it all already. Changed the diapers. Cleaned the spit up. Said no to hangouts and pickup games of soccer because I had to pick my little siblings up from daycare. I want any relationship I have to be something that’s just … mine.” He bit at his lower lip, gaze glancing off Eli to land on the wall behind him. “Something intimate and … quiet, I guess? And I don’t care if that’s selfish.” His hand landed on Eli’s knee as he met his eyes again. “Iwantto be selfish, as a couple. To have time for friends and hobbies and travel. I want to be able to decide we’re doing takeout all week, or we’re going away for a month in the summer, and not worry about anyone else but ourselves.”
“Oh,” Eli said dumbly.
