Page 83 of Deception & Daylight
A tear cascades down my cheek as I carefully close the book. “You knew my mom?”
Lucy nods solemnly. “Briefly. That was the last time I saw her. She was so excited about you, Maggie. She cried happy tears the moment the stick turned blue. I would’ve told you sooner, but I didn’t put it together until recently, and I wasn’t sure how to tell you. She loved you so much.”
“Th - thank you. That means the world to me. I always wondered.”
“You’re a lot like her, you know? Soft-hearted but fierce. You’ve come such a long way in the short time I’ve known you, and it has been an absolute privilege.” The tears are flowing freely now as she comes around the desk and kisses my forehead. “You keep in touch and visit again as soon as you can, alright?”
“I promise.” The words come out on a strangled sob, and she immediately rounds the desk and pulls me into her arms. I sink into her embrace, and we stay like that for a while — minutes, maybe hours — all I know is I don’t want to let go. When we finally part, I whisper, “Thank you for everything, Lucy. I never —”
I pause, unable to get the words out through my grief. Somehow, I feel like I’m mourning a life that never existed in the first place. I inhale shakily, steadying myself. “I never knew what it was like to have a family until I came here. Until I met you.”
“You are so very loved, sweet girl. And you have a home here whenever you are ready.”
God, how I want to believe her.
It takes me a few more minutes before I finally peel myself away from Lucy and leave the inn in my rearview, but with each mile that passes, the pit in my stomach only grows. Am I making a mistake?
The flight to Toronto passes in a blur — no flirty flight attendants or free cookies to stash in my purse. Only the relentless ache in my heart, and a myriad of questions swirling around in my head.
Victoria is waiting for me as soon as I touch down, and I can’t even muster the enthusiasm to return her smile. The book signing is in two days, and she’s graciously offered her spare bedroom, so I don’t have to stay at the old house by the beaches. I’m grateful, but I still feel such a sense of loss. When I left, I thought I’d be coming back; I thought I’d heal and everything would go back to normal. My entire life is still here, stuck in a purgatory that looks eerily like hell.
Despite our falling out, my father’s assistant has been in touch to let me know the house has been cleaned and all traces of my former roommate have been removed. It’s like he never existed. The last email sits unanswered — I’m not sure what I want to do yet. Dad’s giving me the option to pack it up myself, or hire a company to pack for me. One way or another, he’s selling the house. I’m well and truly on my own. Reduced to nothing but a stray begging for scraps of affection.
“Are you okay?” Tori asks, glancing over at me from the driver’s seat as she navigates through rush hour traffic on the 401.
“Yeah. Just a lot on my mind with the signing.”
“Don’t bullshit me, Mags. I know it’s more than that.” She reaches out a hand and squeezes my thigh. “You can talk to me, you know. About the house. About him.” My gaze snaps to hers and she laughs. “You think I don’t know that Max from your book is some real guy you’re head over heels in love with? It’s plain as day — in every word of every sentence. We write what we know — and what I know is that somebody back in that quaint small town has you all twisted up inside, and I suspect you’re being a big fucking idiot about it.”
I toss out a lighthearted “fuck you”, but she’s not wrong. I am being a big fucking idiot. I just don’t know what to do about it — about us. I’ve never had a home or a family. I don’t know how to adapt to permanence, but I want to, and that terrifies me. I feel irrevocably changed, and there’s still a tether tying me to Oak Ridge — to Miles — drawing me back.Calling me home.
Miles
She’s gone — not a single physical trace left behind. But she’s in my fucking bones and etched on my goddamn heart like a brand. And I was too much of a coward to say goodbye.
On my way to work, I stop by the inn to check in with my mom. She’s been going through a lot lately with Matty in jail and Maggie leaving. I know it’s taking a toll, and if I’m honest, I’m not handling things well myself. I could use a little Lucy Barlow wisdom to get me through.
As soon as I walk through the foyer, a heaviness settles in my chest. I glance into the sitting room, at the now empty window seat that used to be so full of light and life andher. I guess I expected to still feel her here — some part of herlingering after she left.
Ma’s not at the desk, so I follow my usual path to the kitchen, but she’s not there either; not fixing a tea tray or teaching Maggie how to make pancakes. Her room is empty, too, and before I can think twice, my feet are carrying me up the creaky staircase I never got around to fixing, and down the hallway to room six.Her room.It will always be her room, even if she never comes back.
That’s where I find her, sitting near the floor to ceiling windows with a book in her lap. “How are you holding up?”
Her eyes are red-rimmed and glassy when she meets my gaze, a familiar ache settling in my chest. “Sit with me? I have a few things to say.”
I sink into one of the plush armchairs, leaning forward to rest my elbows on my knees, fixing my gaze on the lake.
“I’m sorry, Miles. I never acknowledged my complicity in what you went through as a child. Your father was a hard man; cruel on his worst days and absent on his best.”
“Ma, I —” she holds up a hand to stop me, gently patting my forearm before continuing.
“I did my best to shield you from it, but as time went on, it became harder, and you boys were the only thing worth living for. I won’t make excuses for myself, and god knowshedoesn’t deserve it. Walking away is the only kind thing that man ever did for us. I only wish I’d had the courage to do the leaving.”
I can't bring myself to look at her for fear that I might fall apart, but I reach out and grasp her hand in mine, lending her my strength.
“Your brother is a product of your father’s hatred, and I regret that I didn’t treat him fairly growing up.” The profoundly tragic confession shocks me to my core, and the overwhelming urge to track down my father and make him pay for his sins claws at my chest.
Strong as hell, my mother’s words never falter as she continues to speak. “You protected him at every turn, and I’m afraid that has affected you much more than you realize. Your worth isn’t tied to your ability to protect those you love from harm. Youarea protector, Miles, but with that, you’ve also shielded yourself from all the good life has to offer. Maggie is the good.”
