Page 86 of Moonlight & Matrimony
She winces, her brows knitted together, lips pulling into a slight, empathetic frown. She leans in just a bit, as though trying to offer comfort without words. “Did he tell you why?”
“I… didn’t stick around to find out.”
“Ivy Jo Roberts! Are you telling me you’re over here spiraling over a fucking miscommunication?”
I recoil at her outburst, pulling my hands free from her grasp, my fingers tingling from where her grip had tightened slightly.I toss my hands in the air, frustration bubbling over. “What possible reason could there be for him to have left after the best sex of my fucking life, only to sleep alone on the couch?”
Her features soften as she takes in my disheveled appearance and the hurt that’s clearly written all over my face. “OK, I’ll admit it doesn’t look good. But you won’t know his reasons unless you talk to him. Go home, Ivy. Find out what really happened so you can stop looking like somebody kicked your dog.”
“Hey, you leave Sage out of this.”
She rolls her eyes, but the sympathy still lingers in her voice. “Seriously. Grab Rylin and go home, hun.”
Pulling to a stop in the driveway, I immediately spot Luca sitting on the porch steps. His posture is slumped, elbows resting on his knees, his face drawn with a look of utter resignation — like someone who’s already given up before the conversation even starts. The sight hits me harder than I expected, a tight knot forming in my chest.
I slowly step around to the passenger side and help Rylin out of her car seat, she’s barely got her feet on the ground before she’s rushing over to the house, wrapping herself around Luca like a koala bear, burying her face in his chest. “I missed you!” she squeals.
“Missed you, too, Bug.” he replies.
I allow them a moment to savor the reunion before sending Rylin up to her room. She nods and heads inside, leaving mealone on the porch with my husband and a million unanswered questions.
“Hey,” I say, taking a seat beside him on the steps, a little farther apart than is normal for us, knowing that if he touches me, I might fall apart. Every atom in my body is vibrating with the need to reach out and pull him to me, but I know it’ll only crumble what little confidence I have left for the difficult confrontation to come.
“Hey you.” His lips tug up at the corners in a placating smile, but it feels like a slight. I had planned to take things slow and ease into the conversation, but the moment I saw him sitting out here, I knew that wasn’t going to happen.
“Wanna tell me why you weren’t in bed this morning?”
Luca sighs, raking his hand through his hair, his eyes still not meeting mine. If they did, he’d see just how much his abandonment affected me. Every one of his movements feels like a jab; every unspoken word lending another crushing blow to my already battered heart.
“What happened, Luca?” I whisper, clinging to every ounce of conviction I can muster. I know I’m about to be dealt the final blow, and I’m helpless against it. I never should’ve let my guard down. Not for Luca. Not for anyone.
“Youhappened, Ivy. You and this marriage, and that amazing little girl, and this fucking beautiful life that I didn’task for.” I suck in a sharp breath, the sting of his words hitting me like a dagger to the heart. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean... this is hard for me, Ivy. I —”
I choke back a sob that’s threatening to escape, straightening my posture as I prepare to rebuild every barrier he meticulously tore down, brick by brick. “This was all a huge mistake. I should go. Rylin and I can move to the ranch and… we’ll be ok,” the moment the words are out, I know they hold no truth. How could they? Before Luca, we were barely surviving. Without him— without him I might not be able to breathe. And isn’t that the most sobering thought?
“Stay,” he pleads, his hand reaching for mine, finding only air as I pull away. His face falls into his palms. “I’m not doing a very good job of explaining myself.”
Standing from the stairs, I inhale a steadying breath, wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans as I prepare to walk away. “I think you’ve made yourself pretty clear, Luca.”
He stands, his chest to my back as he continues to speak. “No. I haven’t. I’m fucking it all up. Last night was… fuck. Ivy… when you came knocking at my door, you flipped my entire world on its axis. I didn’t know what to make of you. Then I met Rylin, and it was like the first drop of rain after a scorching hot summer; she breathed life back into me. I didn’t know what any of it meant — but something told me I needed to protect you — something innate and essential. To the world, I wrote it off as some duty to my sister’s friend, but it wasneverthat. From the very beginning I told myself I wouldn’t — couldn’t — do this,” he rests his forehead against my shoulder, hesitating for a breath.
I don’t pull away. I don’t move at all, allowing his presence to consume me one last time as his pinky finger winds around mine. “Do what, Luca?”
“I didn’t mean to fall for you. In the end, everybody leaves.”
His words crack me wide open, shattering the last of my resolve. Every fiber of my being is telling me to wrap him in my arms — to prove him wrong — but I can’t. And I don’t. Instead, I do the only thing I can do. Run.
Luca
I feel her absence like a suffocating weight pressing down on my chest, and I can’t stand my own presence any longer, so I go tothe only place I can think of to make sense of what I’ve done. It isn’t lost on me how spectacularly I’ve fucked up.
“What are you doing here, big brother?” Paige’s face is indignant, cold fury radiating off her waves. Despite her small stature, I’m almost afraid of her like this. “Come to explain why you hurt my best friend?”
“Kind of? I don’t know, Paige.” I sigh, posture deflating as I step through the front door. The house is quiet as she motions for me to follow her out to the back deck, waving to Cade as we pass him in the den, gently rocking Sofia in his arms.
Once we’re away from the sleeping infant, she rounds on me. “Spill,” she says, sinking down onto the plush, oversized sectional. The view of the lake is stunning this time of year, hues of oranges and yellows reflecting off the surface, as the frigid water ripples along the shore. The peacefulness of the scene is a stark contrast to the torrent of emotions coursing through my chest.
I take a seat beside her, considering my next words carefully. Everything seems insufficient to explain what happened between us except for one simple truth — “I love her.”
