Page 44 of Moonlight & Matrimony
“Luca, I’m sorry,” she says, her voice barely more than a whisper as she places her palm on the ring box, closing it with a snap. “I didn’t know how to tell you. I’ve been offered a job in Calgary. It’s given me a lot of time to think things over. I know we talked about what our future would look like, and I realized that it’s changed for me. I don’t want marriage or kids. I care about you, Luca. Truly. But this isn’t what I see for my future. Not anymore.”
The words hit me like a sudden downpour, washing away everything I thought I knew. “I thought we were on the same page. We talked about this.”
Her eyes fill with a mix of regret and resignation. “Things change. People change.”
We sit in silence for a while, the reality of her words sinking in; the celebratory mood replaced by a sudden suffocating emptiness.
“I should go,” she says. “My flight leaves in a week. I’ll stay at a hotel tonight, but I need to come by in a few days to pack up the apartment.”
I don’t speak — I’m not even sure I can. Sienna takes my silence for what it is — goodbye — leaving me and the shattered pieces of our future in her rearview.
Ivy
I almost slipped up, letting temporary insanity lead me to believe that I could have something more than friendship with my fake husband. Lunch had been pleasant — more than, if I’mbeing honest — but the moment I saw the way he looked at my daughter, I knew I couldn’t let myself get tangled up in my growing feelings for this man. What we did last night was —fuck— it was the best sex of my life, but that’s all it can ever be.
Luca follows me to my SUV, carefully buckling a sleeping Rylin into her car seat. I watch as he smooths her favorite blanket over her lap, anticipating my need to blast the AC in the summertime. His thoughtfulness fills me with longing, but I tamp it back down. I can’t afford to fall for this man. “Thanks. I’ll see you at home.” He nods, retreating back onto the sidewalk without a second glance.It would be so easy to fall.
I drive around for thirty minutes, giving Ry just enough of a nap to get her second wind. She’s been talking about the Beans and Brews adoption day at Chapters all week. I pull up to the curb outside of the cozy bookshop on main street. The windows are painted with the signature book quotes they change up for every season; at present it’s adorned with popular beach-read quotes. I walk into my happy place, breathing in the familiar scent of coffee and books. This place has been a safe haven for me for as long as I can remember.
“Hey Ivy,” Morgan calls from behind the register. Their chin length hair is split dyed, though the usual blue is replaced with pink today, contrasting perfectly with the stark black on the opposite side. Morgan owns Chapters and Brews. When they found out I was an artist, they offered me a showcase in the empty loft space upstairs. I was so proud that day. I remember racing home to tell Austin about it, but instead of being happy for me, he tried to convince me to cancel, insisting nobody would come to an art showcase for an artist they’d never heard of. I cried myself to sleep that night, and many nights after. A pang of sadness washes over me at the memory.
“Hey Mo. How’s it going?”
“Same old, same old.” They round the counter, holding out a hand for Rylin to take. “I suppose you’re here to see some kitties?”
“YES!” Rylin shouts, the look of utter joy on her face reminding me why I choose to push through all the terrible things that come my way. It’s all for her.
The adoption event is set up in its usual spot towards the back of the main reading space, just across from the cafe, leaving enough distance so that there’s no concern of contaminating the baked goods. The cats are contained in an enclosure filled with toys, tunnels, and various comfortable places for them to curl up. There’s a new litter ready to find homes today, and Rylin seems to have noticed, too.
“Mommy look! Babies!”
“I see that, love. Come here so I can clean your hands before we go in.”
I retrieve a pack of wet wipes from my purse, carefully wiping off whatever foreign substance has glued itself to my kid this time. Rylin is practically bouncing up and down with excitement, just itching to get in there and see the kittens. “Just remember, we have to be very gentle, right? Those babies have very sharp claws and they might try to swat at you, but they don't mean it. They just don’t know any better.” I recap the same lesson we go through every time we volunteer for these events. Rylin is basically a professional now. She’ll inevitably go home with a couple of little scratches here and there, the result of trying to love a little too hard, but it doesn’t faze her.
“Can I go now? Pleeeeease?” I laugh, taking in her pleading expression as her entire body vibrates with excitement.
“Ok. You can go.” She starts to rush forward, but I cut her off, “Slowly, Ry Ry.”
“It might be time to take home a kitten, Ivy,” Morgan says.
“Ha.” I snort. “I’m not sure my husband would approve.”
“Husband?” Mo eyes me curiously before a look of horror washes over her face. “Please tell me you didn’t take him back!”
“Oh, hell no! It’s not Austin. I honestly thought you would’ve heard through the grapevine by now. I married Paige’s brother, Luca.”
“How the fuck did that happen? I didn’t even know you were seeing anyone.”
“It’s a long story,” I sigh.
They give me an assessing stare for a moment until they seem to reach some sort of favorable conclusion. “Is he good to you?”
The question gives me pause, unsure how to answer, but ultimately I decide to go with the truth. “The best.”
“Good. I expect nothing less. After everything that piece of shit put you through, don’t you dare settle for anything else, you hear me?”
“Yep.”
