Page 93 of Moonlight & Matrimony
I linger for a while, thinking everything over until the sun sinks below the horizon, and I can no longer ignore the inevitable.
I leave the ranch a swirling mess of emotions and questions. Could I leave it all behind? Could I leavehim? Despite every challenge we’ve faced since everything happened, I never thought for a second Luca might leave me, and I don’t know if I can bring myself to do that to him, but I’m certain he would never come with me. He wouldn’t leave Paige, not when they’ve just started to heal their relationship.
After tucking Rylin into bed that night, I contemplate retreating to my old room but ultimately decide to sink back into the familiar comfort of Luca’s bed. I’m not sure when I started spending my nights here, but it felt right. And even though he won’t be there, his scent still lingers on the sheets, and if that’s all I can have, I’ll cling to it. But I’m utterly shocked when I step through the door to find him standing near the floor to ceiling windows in nothing but a pair of low slung gray sweatpants.
“Luca?” My voice seems to startle him out of his thoughts. His eyes darken as he takes in my figure, illuminated by the dim light of the hallway. The longer his gaze lingers, the more self-conscious I feel. Does he still see the woman I was before the scars? Before the pain that’s etched itself into my skin like a brand?Damaged.
He takes several cautious steps in my direction, the air thickening as he closes the distance between our bodies. A heartbeat later, he’s standing in front of me, his focus locked in on my face, studying my features. My breath hitches as his hand comes to rest along the side of my neck, sweeping my hair away from my skin as his thumb trails along my chin. He finds the small scar below my lip, laying a gentle kiss along itsjagged edge, his tenderness fraying my nerves. My breath fans over his hair as his lips trace a path along my jaw and down my neck, before returning to my lips in a featherlight touch. “Is this okay?” he whispers.
“Yes,” I breathe, soaking in the warmth of his skin. I’ve been aching for him, starved of his touch for weeks despite our proximity.
His teeth nip at my bottom lip playfully as our kiss deepens. I sweep my tongue into his mouth, tasting him for what feels like the first time all over again, and it shatters the last of my resolve. I throw my arms around his shoulders, pulling his body against mine in a silent plea. He lifts me up, my legs instinctively wrapping around his waist as he walks us towards the bed.
“Tell me you don’t want this and I’ll stop,” he says, a little breathlessly.
I search his face for the answer to an unknown question. “I want you, Luca. I’ve always wanted you,” I confess. He closes his eyes and, for a moment, I wonder if I said the wrong thing.
“Ineedyou,” he whispers. His voice is dejected, almost mournful, and it threatens to destroy what's left of me in the aftermath.
“Youhaveme.”
His movements are slow and deliberate as he removes his pants and crawls over me. His hands find the hem of my t-shirt, tossing it over the bed before doing the same to my pants. “You’re so goddamn beautiful,” he mutters, his fingertips tracing over the scar along my hip bone.
Tears start to gather as he worships every inch of my body with his hands and his mouth, stopping to lay heartbreaking kisses along every scar from the wreck that broke us all those weeks ago. “I’m sorry,” he chokes, and in that moment, I’m certain there’s no coming back from this. Every time he looks atme, he’ll be reminded of the woman I once was — the one that died in that creek bed.This feels like goodbye.
Chapter 26
Luca
? Beautiful Things - Benson Boone
We pull up to the airport drop off area, Rylin asleep in the backseat of my truck, cocooned in her unicorn blanket. Ivy reaches for the door, not sparing me a glance. It’s been three days since I made love to Ivy, and two days since she decided to leave me.
I’m not sure why her revelation took me by surprise. After all, I’ve known for a long time that everyone leaves, eventually. I always knew I could never be enough to make her stay, no matter how much I willed it. Oak Ridge is irreparably tainted by the monumental grief of her past, and for that reason, I couldn’t bring myself to ask her to stay. Instead, I offered to drive her to the airport, though the words tasted like acid on my tongue.
Hanging my head, hands clutching the steering wheel, I steel myself before stepping out of the truck. The lead in my boots keeps me rooted to the spot, begging me to ask her to stay. Shaking myself out of the fog, I round the truck to set up the stroller for Rylin.
“Here, let me,” I say, nudging Ivy out of the open passenger door to carefully scoop Rylin into my arms. Stroking a hand over her curls, I hold her tight to my chest for a moment, soaking in the warmth of her sleeping form and doing everything in my power to keep the tears at bay. I didn’t cry when Ivy told me she wanted to leave. I didn’t cry when I loaded their bags into the truck. Not even when we pulled up to the airport. But this… this might break me.
Once she’s settled in her stroller, I tuck the blanket around her, placing a soft kiss on her forehead as I struggle to keep my emotions from spilling over. I can’t imagine living without them. The hollowness in Ivy’s eyes breaks me. “Don’t go,” I plead.
She doesn’t respond, but I can see the tears gathered along her lashes as she steps closer, wrapping her arms around my waist. I lean my head down, inhaling her familiar scent, but she’s gone before I can commit her to memory.
“Luca, I can’t…” Her words trail off as she clings to the handle of Rylin’s rainbow suitcase. Her face is streaked with mascara and her posture slumped in resignation. It’s selfish to try and keep her here, and I know that. I inhale a shaky breath, steadying myself to do the only thing I can do now. Let them go.
“Go, Ivy Jo. Chase your peace, then come back to me when you’ve found it. And while you’re gone, I’ll keep right on loving you.”
Ivy gasps, eyes shining with something like sympathy, telling me everything I need to know. She turns on her heel, grasping the handle of Rylin’s stroller as my girls disappear into the terminal, leaving me a broken shell of a man, once again.
Once I’m back in the driver’s seat, I let myself break. The agonizing sounds are muffled as I cry out my hurt and frustration, slamming my hands on the steering wheel as I stare out at the runway.
“It’ll never be over for me, Ivy Jo Roberts. Not in this lifetime or the next.” I whisper to no one in particular. “I’ll wait for you.”
When Sienna left me, I thought I understood what loss felt like; thought I understood how my mother felt when my dad abandoned us — but it was nothing like the feeling of losing Ivy and Rylin. It’s like having the whole world at your fingertips one minute and the next it’s being washed away by the tide, like it was never within reach in the first place.
It’s a tragedy of my own making. I spent so much time trying to keep Ivy at arm’s length, and now all I want is to hold her and never let her go. But it’s too late. I pull out my phone, not for the first time, watching the blinking green dot near Boulder, Colorado, before I place it back in my pocket.
“You okay?” Miles asks.
