Page 32 of Finding Haven
Quinn isn’t yelling at me. She’s just upset over the situation. Upset that I’ve kept her in the dark.She has every right to feel angry, to give voice to her emotions. It doesn’t mean she’s going to become violent. It doesn’t mean she’s going to tear me apart.
“There’s only so much I can tell you. I work for an organization whose sole purpose is to protect those who can’t protect themselves.” The words feel like sandpaper in my throat.
She stares at me for a moment, mulling my response over. “And this man, who’s apparently going to end up with a bullet in his head, how ishebeing protected?”
I push away from the wall, keeping my hands in my pockets as I hold her gaze. I’m doing my best not to appear as a threat to her. “He’s not the one who needs our protection,” I say. “He’s the one we’re trying to protect others from.”
Her brows furrow, the bridge of her nose scrunching. “What did he do?”
“I can’t tell you that,” I sigh. “What I can tell you is that ending his life also means we’ll be saving many more. He’s not the kind of person who deserves to continue breathing. The things he’s done would make you sick.” I let the words settle between us for a minute before I say, “We’re not the bad guys, Quinn.” I used to see the world as black and white, right and wrong. There’s no gray area when you’re the one expected to uphold the law. Being with The Phoenix Legion has not only changed my life, it’s also changed how I see the world.
There was a time when I hated the idea of death. Now, I see it as a necessary evil when it comes to ridding this world of people who don’t deserve the lives they’ve been given. While taking someone’s life might not be considered a good thing, the line between good and bad isn’t so clear when killing one person could potentially save the lives of dozens, if not hundreds, of other people.
“I’m pretty sure that’s something a bad guy would say,” she says, her tone softer than before. She’s not entirely wrong.
“I would never hurt you, Quinn. What can I do to make you see that I’m not somebody you need to be afraid of?”
“I want to believe you, Zack. I do. I just. . . I need a minute. This is a lot to take in,” she murmurs, her voice barely above a whisper. She takes a step towards me, her hand reaching out and grasping my wrist. Myhands clench into fists in my pockets, unsure of what she’s going to do. Her touch is gentle, as though in this moment, I’m the one who needs reassurance. “I’m not turning my back on you, Zack. I’m not walking away fromus.I just need a little time to process. Can you give me that?”
“Take all the time you need,” I tell her, consciously fighting back the incessant urge to call her Sugar.
She squeezes my wrist and slips out of the room. A weighted sigh escapes from my chest as soon as she’s gone. I pull my hands from my pockets and rub them over my face, taking slow, intentional breaths. My heart slowly settles, no longer pounding in my chest, but a tightness remains coiled in my gut as sparks of electricity race along my skin.
I didn’t realize how badly I needed to test her reaction. The conversation was uncomfortable for both of us, but she didn’t just shut down and sweep it under the rug. Quinn stood her ground and asked questions, showing a genuine curiosity and desire to know what I had to say. That act alone was something Tiffany never did. She never wanted to hear about my job or how my day was. She was only ever interested if it directly impacted her in some way.
Quinn had every right to lash out at me, to tell me to fuck off, to say she never wants to see me again. She didn’t do any of that. The only time her voice was even remotely raised at me was when I asked her to wait. Her emotions were at their peak, and she likely wasn’t in complete control of them. I can’t deny the sense of comfort that washes over me at the knowledge that Quinn truly is nothing like my ex.
24
Zack
StayingawayfromQuinnfor the rest of the day feels like torture. I do my best to give her the space she asked for while still keeping an eye on her to ensure that nobody is making her uncomfortable. For the most part, she has stuck beside Chelsea and Hailey. Now that almost everyone has left, I’m set on finding Quinn and getting her to talk to me. I was all for giving her time to process her thoughts and emotions, but she asked for a minute, and I’ve given her several hours.
Following the sound of feminine voices, I venture outside to find Hailey, Chelsea, and Quinn getting the catering van loaded back up with the display items from the dessert table.
Quinn looks exhausted, her movements slow and unsteady. I’m fighting an internal battle against the desire to rush to her side, to make her get off her feet and take a break. She knows her body and can be her own advocate. I want to give her the space to take care of herself, but I also find myself aching to do everything I can to make her life easier. I doubt she would want me to step in and take control in a moment like this, in front of other people. Especially when she’s made it clear that she needs time to consider whether or not she wants to be involved with me.
My stomach has been tight with tension since Quinn left me standing in the library, the feeling growing more intense with each passing minute.I’m not sure that I’m prepared to walk away from her, away from what I think we could be, but I will if that’s what she decides she wants.
“You alright there, Mercer?” Will’s gruff voice reaches me as he steps up beside me, his eyes shifting from me to everyone surrounding the van. I know enough about the Anders family to know that Chelsea has been in their lives since she was young and is practically a third child to Will and Lara. There’s a warmth behind his eyes as he watches her. “You know, son, this life can be very rewarding if you’re able to look through the dark and see the light on the other side. But it can also be extremely challenging if you don’t have the right person by your side. It’s not a life I’d ever want to walk alone.”
His words sink deep into the trenches of my mind, tugging at a familiar ache. I’m so sick and tired of being alone, of coming home at the end of every day to an empty house and an empty bed. I didn’t realize there was a void in my life until I met Quinn.
“Do you ever wish you had done something different with your life?” I ask, tearing my eyes away from Quinn and directing them at Will.
His gaze shifts to his children, the corner of his mouth tugging up into a smile as his eyes crinkle around the edges, his age shining through. “I used to,” he admits, nodding his head. “When I was closer to the action like my son is now, there were many times I thought I might lose myself to the darkness and the bloodshed. I was worried that I would forget the reason behind why we do what we do, that I’d become numb to the feeling of ending someone’s life.”
“What kept you sane?” I croak, desperately needing to hear his answer. I need to know that the shadows won’t hold me within their graspforever. Am I an idiot for thinking that Quinn could be the one to guide me into the light?
“Lara,” he says simply. “Every time I felt the darkness taking over, she was there to pull me back in, shine a light on the shadows clouding my mind, and remind me that while we may be ending one person’s life, we were also giving many others their lives back.”
We stand there quietly for a few moments until Lara comes and pulls Will away, muttering something about him needing to let the kids figure out their own paths. I’ve only been part of the inner circle with this family for a few years, but I find comfort in knowing they’ve accepted me as I am, broken pieces and all.
Hailey’s panicked voice pulls my attention back to the group, and my vision immediately hones in on Quinn, bracing herself against the van. My body is moving towards her without hesitation, blood rushing in my ears as I watch Hailey wrap her hands around Quinn’s arms and guide her to the ground.
“What happened?” The words escape me on a harsh bark as I reach them, dropping to my knees in front of Quinn. Resting one hand on her leg, I use the other to cup the side of her face and tilt her head back, trying to encourage her eyes to meet mine. She mumbles incoherently as her glossy gaze wanders, not quite catching on anything.
“We were just loading up the van when she stumbled like she was lightheaded. She’s been fine all day. She hasn’t said anything about not feeling well,” Chelsea says, concern lacing her voice.
