Page 56 of Finding Haven
Our seven-year age difference was only brought up once when Quinn was watching Leah’s kids run around in the backyard. Leah asked Quinn if she wanted children, which resulted in Quinn’s cheeks flushing a deep pink as her gaze found mine. We haven’t discussed marriage or children—or living together, for that matter–but the idea of Quinn being pregnant with my child sent a rush through my body unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.
It’s just after ten o’clock in the evening when we say our goodbyes for the night, after promising to come back at some point tomorrow. We’re only here for the weekend, and even though I’d been hesitant to make the trip, I want to get as much time in with them all as I can.
“You know we can always come back out here,” Quinn says, her voice soft as I slip into the driver’s seat.
“You wouldn’t mind?”
She shrugs her shoulders as she meets my gaze in the dark. “You’re mine,” she says simply. “I’ll go wherever you go.”
We’ve exchanged the sentiment several times before, but this time, they burrow into my heart and dig their way down to my soul, settling into a deep place of permanence. I’ve spent years thinking that I’ll never find myself again. That I’ll never find love or a safe place to land. But with Quinn, I have found all of that and more. I’ve finally found my haven.
It’s strange how much can change in five years and how much stays the same. The coffee shop that Quinn and I stop at on the way to Tessa’s house still looks and smells the way I remember. Walking through the doors and hearing the bell chime as we enter has a sense of nostalgia wrapping around me. Ryan and I started most of our early morning shifts grabbing coffee from this place and making small talk with the few elderly locals who were always up before the rising sun.
“What kind of donuts do you think he likes?” I ask, fighting back the quake in my voice as I scan the display case of freshly made pastries.
“He’s a little kid, babe. He’ll probably devour anything that’s either chocolate or coated in sprinkles.” Quinn laughs, slipping her arm around my waist. Having her by my side has made this weekend much more endurable. I know she thinks I would’ve made the trip with or without her, but she’s wrong. If I hadn’t met Quinn, I’d likely still be holed up in my office while the rest of the world continued to spin without me.
It’s just past eight a.m. when we make it to Tessa’s, but she has assured me that Jake is an early riser and is usually up with the sun. The car quietsas I turn off the ignition and place my hands back on the steering wheel, my grip tightening until my knuckles turn white.
Five years. It’s been five fucking years since I’ve been here, since I’ve seen Tessa. The last time I saw her was at Ryan’s funeral service, and now I’m about to meet their son. A little boy who will never get to meet his father or know what an incredible man he was.
“Hey.” Quinn’s hand rubs soothing circles over my back as she speaks. “I’ve got you, babe.”
Grief rises in my chest like a tsunami, tears welling in my eyes. “I’m not ready for this,” I choke out.
“I think you are. Whatever happens today, I’m here. I’m with you. You aren’t alone, Zack,” she says softly.
Releasing my grip from the steering wheel, I lean back in my seat and drop my head back against the headrest. My eyes close as I take a deep breath and reach for her hand, drawing strength from her love. “Okay,” I say on an exhale. “Let’s go.”
She takes my hand as we walk slowly towards the front door, giving me a few extra moments to push away the emotion threatening to break free. The door swings open as we’re nearing the porch steps, and a small boy with sandy blond hair and brown eyes appears in the doorway. “Uncle Zack!” he shouts, his voice ringing with excitement as his momappears behind him.
Tessa shakes her head, laughing as she follows after him. “I’m sorry. I tried to tell him to wait until you got to the door, but he’s been sitting on the couch watching through the window.”
I don’t have it in me to respond. Every ounce of strength that I possess is focused on not falling apart as he runs towards me.
“Don’t worry about it,” Quinn says with a gentle laugh, slipping her hand from mine just as Jake stops in front of me.
“Hey, buddy,” I murmur, not bothering to fight back the tears rising to the surface as I crouch down to make myself eye-level with him. His bright brown eyes meet mine, and they remind me so much of his father’s. Jake jumps forward and leans up onto his tip-toes, throwing his arms around my neck. I wrap my arms around him as a few tears slip free. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get here.”
I’ve been drowning in grief for years, struggling to breathe and fighting to breach the surface. With the woman I love by my side and this little boy’s arms around me, I can finally begin to heal.
Epilogue - Zack
Oneyearlater
There was a time when I didn’t think I would ever come back to Hartridge. Too much had happened here. The town held a wealth of dark memories, though none darker than the ones that clung to Willowbend Bridge. But I didn’t know that the taint on my soul would lead me towards a light brighter than anything else I’ve ever known.
I didn’t know that it would lead me to Quinn.
Falling in love and opening myself up to her has been the single greatest thing that’s happened to me, and none of it would’ve been possible without first having to fight my way through the shadows.
Which is why this bridge is the perfect place for another life-changing moment.
It’s been a long time since I’ve felt the nervous swell of nerves in my stomach and an even longer time since I’ve done something with no expectation as to what the outcome might be.
The past year with Quinn has been an incredible journey. She has helped me heal in a way I never thought possible simply by being there for me at every turn. Because of her, I’ve clawed my way out of the nightmare-infested trenches and have finally allowed myself to bask in the light. Because of her, I have a relationship with my family again andfriendships that go beyond The Phoenix Legion and the assignments we handle.
Because of her, I’m ready to take this next step.
