Page 55 of The Night Ride
“Beth, if things were different, if I was different—”
I placed a hand over his on my arm.“If you were different, I wouldn’t love you.I understand you feel you need to do this.”
“Fuck, Beth,” Aiden tugged me into his arms.I went willingly, ignoring the food on the stove.
He surrounded me and I inhaled him.I would miss the way he smelled.He wasn’t fancy, just soap and him.He had this deeply masculine scent that smelled like home.When I smelled him, I never wanted to move away.
And in his arms, I was at peace.There was a level of comfort, a sense of finally coming home after being on the road for years that made me just want to sink into him.
He pressed his lips against my forehead.“I wish things were different and that I could stay.But I have to finish this mission.I loved your brother.He was one of my best friends.I crossed a line with you five years ago and blew that line up this time around.It’s what I need to do to honor my brother from another mother.”
“I understand.Even though I wish things were different and that you would stay until you had to report back to base.Be with me tonight.”
“There’s no place I would rather be.”
The scent of scorched bread filled the kitchen as smoke billowed from the stove.
“Oh shit.”I jolted from his arms and turned to find smoke rising from the pan with the grilled cheeses.I’d burned dinner.I couldn’t believe it.I shut off the burner and tossed the blackened grilled cheeses into the trash.“I’m gonna have to start from scratch.Hope you’re not starving.”
“I’m not that hungry for food right now.You?”The look in his eyes said it all.He was hungry for me.
“I can wait to eat.”I knew what he was asking.He wanted me.
I put the pan in the sink to soak.When I turned, he was there, his hand outstretched.There was no hesitation on my part.Nothing could drag me from this moment and this man.Nothing short of the nuclear apocalypse and I feared not even then.Because in the dark recesses of my heart, I feared he had ruined me for all others.
No other man I’d ever met or dated had even made me feel one tenth of what I feel for Aiden.The love I held inside me for this man was deeper than any ocean and more timeless than the moon.I could live a hundred lifetimes and in each one I would recognize him as my other half.As the one man, the one soul I was destined to love in every lifetime.
And in all versions, I knew I would never find another who made me feel the depths of emotion I did but him.
Aiden was it for me.He was the love of my life regardless of whether it was temporary in nature.
In my room he closed the door.The shades were already lowered.And he didn’t turn the lights on.We had the low ambient light from the nightlight in the bathroom shining in.It was enough for both of us to see the other.
My hands went to the hem of my shirt.But he put his hands over mine.“Let me.I want to remember this night when I’m in some hellhole.”
I dropped my hands, giving myself over to him.I gazed at him, committing his face to memory.The hard, blunt angles.The way his nose was slightly crook.The intensity in his steel blue gaze darkened with lust.
He gripped the hem and drew it up my torso.“Lift your arms for me.”
I complied without question, aching for him and his touch.He wasn’t the only one who wanted to remember this night.Even though he didn’t choose me, I understood it even as my heart was breaking.Because I seemed destined to love people who didn’t love me back, who never stuck.
It was my cross to bear.And there was a hope inside me that one day he would come back.Once he finished his mission and left the military.Until then, I would take what I could get because I would rather have him in my life.
He lifted the shirt off over my head and tossed it on the chair in the corner.His fingers traced the slope of my bra covered breasts, down over the soft line of my abdomen to my jeans.He undid the clasp and drew the zipper down.
He knelt and removed my shoes one at a time, before drawing the jeans down my legs and removing them until I stood in only my bra and panties.He pressed his lips against my thighs as he rose.His fingertips lightly traced my body.Until he cupped my face in his hands and stared.
“You’re so fucking beautiful, Beth.”
And under his heated stare I felt beautiful.He lowered his lips, brushed his mouth lightly over mine.So light at first it felt like butterfly wings.His shadow beard scraped against my lips and cheeks.He deepened the kiss.Kissing me slowly, languidly, as if we had all the time in the world.
Even though our time was fleeting.I sighed into his embrace.Needing him in ways even I didn’t fully understand.It felt like he was the key to my happiness.And I knew all the self-love talk about finding the key within yourself, yada, yada.It wasn’t that I didn’t believe in that because I did.
But everything with Aiden felt fated, as if he was the man I was always supposed to love.I didn’t know how to rectify my need to hold him close, to cleave to him and never let him go.While knowing come morning, I would watch him walk out of my life again and perhaps this time for good.
Tears that I’d been holding back overflowed the dam, bathing my cheeks.The salt of my tears mingled with our kiss as one bled into another.He kissed me like I mattered, like were he to die on some distant battlefield it would be my name on his lips he would utter with his final breath.
It was enough.It had to be enough.
