Page 35 of The Night Ride
“No.You don’t get to pretend like that didn’t happen.Instead of manning up and standing shoulder to shoulder with me, you walked away.”
“Your brother was my commander.He pulled rank.You were there and saw him do it.Our team has an unwritten code that you don’t mess with each other’s family.You were off limits.I don’t know how to explain that any more fully.”
My heart clenched at all the time I had spent mooning over him.“Aiden, by leaving me that night, walking away like you did, you ensured that instead of my first time being with a guy I found interesting, with loads of chemistry, who would have made my first time enjoyable, it was a nightmare instead.”
His anger deflated like a burst balloon.He wrapped control around himself like a blanket.Gone was the passionate potential lover and in its place was the soldier who had seen too much to ever fully be okay.
“What do you mean a nightmare?”He asked, those steel-blue eyes calm on the surface but spoke volumes of anger beneath.
Because he knew.He understood with perfect clarity what had happened to me but wanted it spelled out.
“Because instead of my first time being with you that night, a year later I was raped at a college frat party.”
“Fuck.Beth.”He reached for me, to pull me into his arms and hold me again.
Yet I backed away.I didn’t want the comfort he offered laced with pity.“I can’t do this with you, Aiden.I want you.I won’t deny that.But I don’t know if I will ever be able to trust you because you’re not the sticking type.And I could never be with a man I can’t trust.”
His face shuttered every bit of emotion.
My heart ached.If he had stood at my side, things might have been different.But he left me to face dragons alone.
“I’m going to go take a long bath and will clean this all up later.”
“Beth, I’m so sorry I messed up back then.I want to do right by you.But I don’t know that I can give you what you deserve.I have to go back to Norfolk and finish out my twenty.Until then, I can’t do the dating thing.Relationships are too damn hard when you’re overseas half the time.”
I saw his remorse mixed with his desire for me.My heart broke a little more.Because I understood what he was saying.If I chose to be with him while he was here, that was all it would be.There would be no promises of tomorrow.And I didn’t know if I would ever be okay with only breadcrumbs from him.“I know.But the thing is, I’d had a crush on you since I was fifteen.That night meant something to me.Yet I would have just been another notch on your bedpost that night.Another women you wouldn’t remember come morning.If I’m understanding you correctly, that hasn’t changed in five years.But what’s different this time is me.And I deserve better.”
And this time, I walked away.
Chapter twelve
5YearsAgo
It’s really happening.Oh my god!
Aiden Miller, the object of all my affections and daydreams, the man I’d been crushing on since I was fifteen was flirting with me.Me!
Inside I was doing back flips.While outside I was playing it cool.Sexy even.
He’s such a dreamboat.I could stare at him for hours.Days even.Secretly I had stared at the picture of him with my brother for hours on end.He’s even more handsome now.A little rough around the edges but it was a damn good look on him.
When I looked him in the eyes, I was home in a way I’d never been before.And I could only thank my lucky stars I’d been sitting when he approached me because my legs had turned to limp noodles and didn’t want to work.
And he was laying the charm on thick.I’d never felt so beautiful in all my life.
I hadn’t realized he would be here tonight.Nor that my brother would stand me up.He said he would be late and to not wait for him.My brother skipping out on our night at the bar together wound up being a godsend.
Because Aiden Miller was hitting on me and slathering it on.I knew he was a guy’s guy.He had to be, or he never would have become a Navy SEAL.
God, he smelled good too.Just sandalwood soap and him, not covered up by cologne.
I knew he was trouble the moment he started talking.But it wasn’t just his words, it was the way he looked at me.Like a woman grown, and one he would like to know in the biblical sense.
I couldn’t think of a man more fitting to give my virginity.He was a hero, defending our country and putting his life on the line every day.He was one of the guys in my brother’s unit.I sent them care packages with homemade cookies.I knew each guy’s favorite and always made sure to bake the ones they liked.I’d even learned to package them appropriately to ship them halfway around the world so that they remained fresh.
My brother loved my snickerdoodle.Lucas enjoyed my chocolate chip.Wyatt was all about my lemon cookies.And Aiden, he adored my peanut butter.
Never in a million years had I ever believed Aiden would look at me with such startling heat.My skin sizzled beneath his forthright gaze.As the night progressed, my heart turned over in my chest.
