Page 26 of Prince She Shouldn't Crave
‘I… It’s late.’ Lena didn’t know why she said it. She should have turned and walked away, leaving him to his own thoughts, but something about tonight told her that he needed some company as much as she did.
His head shot up, flinty blue gaze fixed on her. Even in the dim light of the room she couldfeelit prickling into her.
‘Lena.’
The way he said her name. The rasp of it. The rough sound scraping like fingernails over her skin. If she hadn’t known better, she might have thought his voice was filled with need. Maybe she needed him too.
This thing between them, it seemed to have taken on a life of its own. Bigger than both of them. The way he looked at her right now, so stark, so intense and burning as if he’d branded her, let Lena know that she hadn’t imagined it.
‘Gabriel.’
He took a swig from his drink. Placed the empty glass on the mantelpiece. Looked her up and down, in a way that could have been admiring. She wasn’t sure. Tonight, she’d dressed to go out. Another wrap round dress. This one of soft, printed silk in jewelled colours, with beaded accents around the neck. Ruffles round the hem. It drifted about her as she walked and made her feel feminine. Pretty. Sure, the neck plunged a little lower than she normally wore but she’d never heard anyone complain before.
‘You’ve been out.’ The words sounded almost accusatory.
‘It’s what you do when you’re given the night off by your employer.’
He almost flinched at the word, as if he didn’t want reminding of who he was.
‘Did you have fun?’
‘Yes. Henri, Serge and I went to a little café in the old town. They wanted to continue the party. I came back here.’
‘I’m glad…’ She stiffened and the moment held, pregnant with possibility. ‘Glad that you had a good time.’
Of course he’d want her to have a good time. It wasn’t that he was glad she was back here with him. Was it?
‘What are you doing here?’ he asked.
‘I—I saw the light. I came to see how tonight went.’
His shoulders slumped. He shrugged. ‘It was a typical state dinner.’
‘Well, I’ve never been to one of those so I can only guess. Were you seated next to anyone interesting?’
‘Being the guest of honour, I sat with the King and Queen. It was a sumptuous feast with beautiful food and wine showcasing Lauritania’s finest producers. The Grand State Dinner service was used. I’m told there were over a hundred candles lit for the meal.’
The whole evening sounded incredible, but he recounted what went on as if he were reading a funeral notice.
‘No eligible princesses?’
That stark look returned. ‘There are always eligible princesses, or daughters of dukes, marquesses, earls, counts, viscounts, barons. You name it, they’re there.’
‘Sounds like a fruit salad of peerage.’
‘I’ll never think of them the same, ever again.’ Gabriel chuckled, but it wasn’t a happy kind of sound. ‘A veritablecornucopia, although many of them aren’t as colourful or sweet as fruit.’
There was that tired sound to him again. She stepped forwards, closer. Wanting to reach out, put her hand on his arm. To touch, to comfort. To…more. Say everything was going to be okay, even though she didn’t know what was wrong.
‘You don’t sound like you enjoyed yourself.’
‘Lise and Rafe are always engaging company, but… I wish you’d been there.’
As he said it, his gaze fixed on her but this wasn’t something cool and impassive. It was full of heat. That look scorched her, igniting in her core and burning outward. She shouldn’t be here. This was a mistake in every way, both on his part and on hers, and yet she couldn’t move.
She’d spent enough time thinking of others, worrying about what they thought of her. It all felt like a millstone round her neck because she had begun to realise what she might have been holding onto wasn’t a sense of responsibility, but of fear. Fear of being criticised, fear of being seen as somehow lacking. Lena was tired of it. Holding back. Being less. Her virginity, which was another thing she realised she’d clung to in an effort to protect herself. To allow someone into your body you had to trust them, and she realised she didn’t really trust much at all.
Why would she? Her parents hadn’t set great examples. Her mother choosing secrecy over the welfare of her own children and her father showing how fickle he was prepared to be. For so long she’d believed if that was how people treated each other in relationships and families then she wanted no part of it. Especially when everything in her life seemed to be secrets and lies.
