Page 77 of 2 Books in One Bundle
‘We agreed on honesty from the start, so that is what you’re going to get. I am sure you have noticed that I tend to rebel against this institution...’ He waved his hands through the air, to indicate the palace and everything in it. Helia smiled, as if to say obviously she’d noticed. ‘My philandering was nothing more than rebellion against how I was supposed to act as Prince. And it was effective. But I don’t need it. It was simply an act meant to serve me.’
‘That may be...but never is a very long time, Vasili. To say that you won’t miss the company of women or won’t want children...’
‘I can say that I won’t want children, and I am not saying I will have no company. There is chemistry between us Helia, I’m certain you feel it.’
He could tell by the way she swallowed that she did. It was impossible not to.
‘What I am proposing is a marriage with no sex, but one in which we explore this thing between us. One with passion and pleasure. Helia, I will never love you—I am not capable of it—but I will remain faithful to you and expect the same from you. This marriage isn’t about love. It’s about duty. But why should we deprive ourselves because of it? However, you have to make the choice.’
Helia was dumbstruck. It irked her that he was dictating to her, but the truth of the matter was that she was married to Vasili. She doubted anyone else would turn her head ever again. Besides him, no one had since her first and only relationship.
She didn’t understand why he would want passion without sex. It had been a big part of his life before. Was it her? Was this some sort of unfortunate attraction for him and he didn’t truly want her?
Helia didn’t want to admit how much that stung, but she was a realist, and just because she was extremely attracted to him it didn’t mean he had to reciprocate. But to go through a whole life without love would be lonely. Especially without children. Without family.
Except she hadn’t had love since she was orphaned, and she had survived. Why did she think her life now would be any different? Besides, it wasn’t as if she would be without distraction. The prospect of experiencing pleasure at the hands of Vasili was exciting. So exciting, in fact, that her thighs squeezed together under the table.
So maybe she would be lonely, but she would also have passion unlike anything she had ever experienced.
And maybe it was a blessing that he was so set against having heirs. It was by far a better choice than having children he didn’t want and would regret having. Children who might possibly be abandoned or bear the emotional scars of not being wanted—or, worse, children who would be left alone if something were to happen to her and Vasili.
But could he really manage a lifetime without sex?
‘Tell me what you’re thinking,’ he said.
Helia wasn’t sure she wanted to. It was evident that Vasili had had to deal with a lot of doubt when it came to who he was and what he could do, so she didn’t want to speak hers aloud and add to the voices.
‘Tell me,’ Vasili insisted.
‘I don’t know if you would be able to turn off such a big part of yourself. You admitted that was who you had to be for a long time, and it doesn’t seem possible to me for you to just switch off those urges.’
‘If it was that important to me we wouldn’t be having this discussion now. I would do as I pleased. As I have always done. I don’t need it, Helia.’
Helia thought about it. His words didn’t feel much like reassurance at all. And there was still the issue of children. She hadn’t thought about having her own. Not when all her life she had been focused on surviving. When she had been alone. She hadn’t even thought about children when she was in a relationship, and that had been doomed to fail.
‘I need time to think about it,’ she said.
‘About what?’
‘All of it.’
‘Fine. I will give it to you.’ Vasili sat back in his chair and took a sip of his now cooled coffee. ‘We will have to make a public appearance—our first official appearance—when we return from our honeymoon.’
‘Honeymoon?’
That caught Helia off guard. She hadn’t known there would be one, but she realised she had been ridiculous not to think of it. Naturally there would have to be, for appearances’ sake.
‘Yes, Helia, a honeymoon. You can take all the time you need to consider what we have discussed here while we are away. I know what it is I have just proposed, and we will not be physical in any way until you come to a decision.’ He placed his cup down and in a gentler voice said, ‘I think we both need to come to terms with all that has changed.’
He was right. She definitely did.
‘When do we leave?’ she asked.
‘Today.’
She nodded, not bothering to ask where they were going. It didn’t really matter.
‘Now, about our first appearance... I want you to pick what we do. I realise it will take you some time to get used to your new life, so choose something that will make you comfortable and Andreas will arrange it.’
