Page 100 of The Player Penalty
“No, but I still worried. It’s hard not to worry. I’m also not afraid of race tracks or the ocean anymore. I’m not afraid of my future either, and we both know that wasn’t true a year ago.”
Dad’s eyes brighten. “There’s still a job here, Lily Flower. There’s no reason to worry about that.”
“I’m going to work with kids like me. NASCAR and motorsports are your calling, not mine. I’ll go to races to cheer on Julian and everyone else I care about, but that’s it. I’d rather fail than not try.”
“Yes, but-“
What was it Julian said? There is no ‘but.’ “There’s someone to catch me if I fall.”
Dad removes his worn trucker hat, placing it on the desk rather than back on his head. His features soften, and pain appears. “I used to say that to your mother.”
“What?” We rarely talk about her. Growing up, I always wondered what it would be like if she were around. “Julian says that to me.”
“She was like you, Lily. She’d spend half the day reorganizing the junk drawer and then get upset because the dishes weren’t finished. We had a cordless home phone, which would always go missing. I used to go ask our neighbors to call us so we could find it. She’d worry over everything, like whether dinner was burnt or getting a movie start time wrong. She called it her nervous personality.”
My phone was missing, too. I also don’t use Bluetooth earbuds after losing my third pair. “I never knew that.” It’s difficult to miss what you never had, but sometimes I wondered if having a mother growing up would have meant an easier childhood or if she’d help me understand how to get better. It’s been me muddling along and figuring out how to get better on my own. Julian’s comment two years ago was the spark for medication. Would I have started earlier if she was around? It doesn’t matter because all I can do is go forward. Dr. Lambert has repeatedly said all I can do is solve the problems before me, and I’m slowly realizing how true that is. “Well, it should be why you understand Julian and I fit so well together.”
“Lily, Julian Murphy isn’t the sort of man you can expect the devotion you deserve. If you knew his history more, you’d understand. I loved your mother more than I have words to express. Be careful with him. I don’t want you to be hurt.”
“He’s not the one hurting me, Dad.” You are.
“I love Lily more than there are words to express.”
I jump at the sound behind me. “When did you get here?” More, how much of the conversation did he hear?
“Long enough.” Julian’s attention stays on Pete. “Lily and I aren’t married. Yet.” That snaps me to attention. “I fall asleep thinking of her and wake up thinking of her. You were probably the same with your wife. Racing and NASCAR are your calling in life, right? It’s exhausting and a commitment most will never understand, but you also ached from loneliness when she couldn’t be with you. We have that in common. I’ll bet she apologized for her struggles, didn’t she?” Dad looks away, which answers Julian’s question. “Every time, you explained how grateful you were that she trusted you enough to share.
“I’m in love with your daughter, Pete. She’s funny, brave, and curious about everything. We’re both better because she’s in our lives. We told you we were friends, and you might feel lied to, but it was the truth. We went to some movies and hiked through a nearby park once. We also got to know each other, and I fell in love. If you want to know when it started for me, I would say almost from the beginning, except I didn’t understand it for a long time. This is the first relationship for both of us, and we don’t have much experience. My parents’s marriage isn’t one to emulate, but it sounds like yours is. We belong together the same way you two did.”
“Dad?” My stomach is in knots. It’s for the best my hair is up to, or I’d be yanking strands right out of my scalp.
“Boone and I met this morning about a promise you once made to me,” he says to Julian, and now I have heart palpitations. “It’s our shared belief you should spend the rest of your career here, as I have.”
Relief fills me as I release some of the anger simmering in me. “Good. That means the dumb agreement between you two isofficially voided.” My next statement is a leap. Oh, well. “We’ve eaten together as a family, only you and I, many times over the years. I’ve invited Julian to join us tonight because he’s my family, too.”
“I’m cooking,” Julian says.
Dad doesn’t immediately respond. “I’m looking forward to it,” he finally says.
Is my little family growing? Is that what this is?
36-Julian
Daytona International Speedway
This week’s car is particularly stunning. It’s all black with blood-red accents, in keeping with the sponsor’s branding. It even intimidates me. With luck, it’ll do the same to every driver on the track.
The pit crew pushes down the track as the race’s start gets closer.
“It’s driver introductions. I need to go.”
“Go be famous,” Lily says.
“We aren’t famous. Popular within our sport, sure. Maybe a little famous.” I chuckle and kiss her cheek before taking off. I get recognized every so often, usually closer to team headquarters. There are large portions of the country that doesn’t recognize me at all.
“Be ready to give everyone a nice show,” Jake says.
Outside, the announcer shouts out the name of one driver after another. Most names are greeted with loud cheers, though some draw boos. Every sport needs its villains, and NASCAR is no exception.
