Page 96 of The Player Penalty
My legs nearly give out. “You don’t know what’s happened, do you? Not at all.”
“Did you win again? You won, didn’t you?”
“Not even close. Came in twentieth.” I sit and pull her into my arms, squeezing tight. The now familiar scent of citrus and vanilla fills my nose, and my heart slows enough to hear it beat. “Something happened Saturday night that you need to knowabout. It will upset you, but I’d rather be honest and have you angry with me than keep a secret from you.”
That opening statement is eerily similar to the one I gave her several weeks earlier.
“You’re scaring me, Julian.” She pulls away and yanks her hair.
“I’m scared, too, believe me. Here goes.” Offering a silent prayer to whatever force might be listening, I tell her every last detail, right up until finding her car in my driveway.
She says nothing.
“Lily, did you hear me?”
“Yes, every word.”
She doesn’t believe me either. “I didn’t do anything. I would not do that to you. Hell, I wouldn’t do that to us.” Lily doesn’t respond with words, but her body language tells me enough. “You’re having an anxiety attack.” I might join her.
“I’ll be okay.”
“No, you’re not. Of course, I dumped all this without considering how you would take it.”
“I believe you, Julian. Listen to me. I believe you.” She yanks my hand and squeezes. “Do you hear me?”
The rising panic fades. “You believe me.” I heard that part.
“I trust you more than anyone. Throughout that horrible story, it’s the one part I never doubted. You gave me your word, and I believe it.”
Her steady voice reassures me more than her choice of words. “What part do you doubt?”
“It’s who doubted me. Us,” she corrects. “I was jealous of all those women, Julian. You were circumspect, but I knew what you did at every race or every time you met up with Matteo. Everyone did.”
I also haven’t been with another woman in months. The desire wasn’t there even before our relationship started. “You shouldn’t have been. I’m in love with you, Lily. Absolutely, desperately, completely in love with you.”
Her eyes tighten. “That’s not what I mean.”
“I don’t understand.”
“They went after you, or at least a good amount of them did. They were confident enough to put themselves out there. To ask for it. I couldn’t for the longest time. That isn’t me.”
“It is.”
“It wasn’t,” she corrects.
“Everyone thinks I’m fragile, Julian. My dad used his career to get me a safe job. Sarah was a superficial kind of friendly while she walked on tip-toes there in the beginning. You were different. We laughed when I beat you at a game and then made lunch plans.”
“You wanted their confidence.”
“I wanted my confidence recognized, like how you saw theirs. Instead, you saw our age difference, kept me in a pretty box, and labeled it off-limits.”
“Oh.” The other women. I pull her against me until she settles against my chest. “I won’t deny any of it. You were off limits, partly because of your age. I was also afraid to risk anything because it might mean losing you. You were my first real friend,Lily. I didn’t have the confidence, not like I see it in you. Other people see it, too.”
“My father doesn’t. He thinks you’ll leave me. Dad worries I’ll become such a burden, you’ll walk away. Your offer is why he’s been so pleasant, isn’t it? I wondered why he changed his opinion of you so easily, and now I know. He thought he was protecting me. Again.”
“He loves you. You’re his daughter; he’ll always look out for you. That’s what parents do.” Not mine, but Pete Webb does. Boone and Sarah’s parents did the same.RMSexists to give them a future.
“Maybe. I’m still angry about it. You think he isn’t giving us a chance because of your past relationships when it’s about me. My dad thinks I can’t do it. Everyone thinks our relationship is so weak, we can’t make it a single weekend apart without you going wandering.”
