Page 74 of The Player Penalty
“May I ask how long this will last?”
How long? A year of falling in love with her while denying it for most of that time isn’t a lark. It’s not temporary. Pete also loves his daughter, and he’s protective. I get it. My reputation and past acts feed into his concern. I get it while also being a little annoyed.
“Until she tires of me.”
“Or you grow tired of her. How much has Lily shared with you?”
“Everything.”
“Everything,” he repeats. “Murphy, let me be blunt. Lily has struggled to build relationships her entire life. She’s been rejected more times than I can count, right up until she quit trying.”
“She’s told me all that. I’ve been aware of it almost since the day we met.”
Pete crosses his arms again and gives another heavy sigh. There’s a trace of impatience when he speaks this time. “Murphy, is that supposed to impress me? You’ve floated from one pretty girl to another since the day you started here atRMS. You treat them like a fun distraction until you grow bored and move on. Now, you come into my office, declare you intend to date my daughter, and expect me to accept it. Boy, have you lost your damn mind?”
My father once asked me to cover up his cheating, and I refused. The act meant our company would implode, and I would lose my ride. It was a risk, and it worked because I’m driving the 33 today. I’m leading in championship points, have two wins already this season, and my sponsors love me. BooneRivers may dislike me, but he isn’t dumb. He’ll want me to stay on.
My career is also the biggest card I have, and gambling can be fun.
“You don’t believe me.”
“No, I do not.”
“My contract withRivers Motorsportsis up at the end of this season,” I say, and Pete nods in acknowledgment. “We’re close to a renewal deal. Very close, but I’ll tell you what. If anything happens, if I do or say anything that makes you believe I’m not good enough for her, I’ll leave at the end of the season.” This will be either a brilliant decision or incredibly moronic. There’s no middle ground with this one. “You get to decide my future.”
Pete smiles at me for the very first time.
27-Lily
“How are you? It’s been a couple of months, hasn’t it?”
“Two months on Monday.” Remembering to brush my teeth is a struggle, but remembering the exact date and time of an appointment isn’t? This is my life. “I’m fine.”
Dr. Lambert tucks several strands of hair behind her ear. It immediately falls back into place. She doesn’t respond immediately, choosing to review notes from our last appointment instead. “Your school term is almost over, isn’t it?”
“Next week, and then nothing until the fall. There are five classes left after this.” The idea of taking five at once is daunting. It’s been three or four, including summer terms, every year so far. Three classes aren’t full-time, but it feels like it when an essay takes you twice as long to complete as everyone else. Medication helps me focus long enough to write, but it doesn’t help me to write quickly. “It might be another full year until graduation since I also need to complete a certain number of internship hours.”
“How do you feel about that?”
I’m disappointed that it took so long to make up my mind. “A year ago, I would have been disappointed with myself because it feels like I can’t do enough. Anything less than an A was a failure. I don’t think that way anymore.”
“Are you still working every Friday?”
I perk at the mention. “Horizons Academy. It’s my favorite day of the week.” Julian would be crushed to hear that, as he would want it to be race day. He’s my favorite person to spend time with, which is something very different. “I love it there. I work with the art teacher, mostly setting up projects and helping students when they need it. She asked me to work part-time as a counselor this summer. They want extra help with field trips and the talent show.”
“Oh, wow, Lily, that’s wonderful that you were asked; that means you made a great impression.” Dr. Lambert’s voice turns eager and congratulatory, as it always does when she hears good news. She says it helps her patients remember to congratulate themselves. Seeing our failure is easy, while acknowledging wins is much more difficult. That’s true for me, at least.
“I agreed to do it since it would allow me time to travel with Julian on the weekends. Plus, my academic advisor says the job might count toward my internship requirements. I want to work with children, even if I don’t know the exact job.”
Dr. Lambert adds to her notes. “Do you want to teach?”
“I want to be with kids like me. Growing up, I always wanted to see a grown-up who could have a job and friends. It used to scare me because it meant I couldn’t fix myself.” Worrying about it led to hours and hours of online searches with personality assessments and job suggestions. Hours digging into social media as a young teen didn’t help either. For every bit of comfort, it showed more examples of failure, and that always left me even more anxious.
“You want to give others that chance. Well, that’s very admirable, Lily.”
“Maybe.”
“It is. Let’s make that an assignment for next time. Tell me more about your ideal job, and we can discuss what that looks like. What else is going on since we last spoke?”
