Page 48 of The Player Penalty
“Thank you, and please stop.”
Lily notices Matteo and glances my way again, but there’s no smile this time.
She believes I rejected her. How much courage did it take her to ask me? She probably practiced the question in her head, over and over, the entire way home. She put off asking the whole time while the butterflies took over her stomach. Lily’s bold request threw me off when I wanted to give her an immediate yes.
She trusted me, and I want her.
I reach her first. “Let’s go.”
“Where?”
“Home. With me.”
19-Lily
“Is that big house yours, too?” It has a minivan and sedan out front, and Julian would never willingly drive either of them. The brick home is dark, with only a single outside light.
Julian opens his front door and beckons me inside. He glances back at the larger home and shrugs. “Both of these are mine. An older couple took a short lease, which is fine. They go to bed early and have no interest in me. It’s a perfect relationship.”
I glance around. It’s small, and the number of doors reveals only a single bedroom. It’s also impersonal, not much different from a hotel room. “You planned for someone else to live here,” I guess.
He clears his throat. “My mother.” Julian’s jaw stiffens with tension. He moves into the narrow kitchen and opens the fridge. “Do you want something to drink?”
Sarah and Maddie gave me several pieces of expert advice earlier today. One of them is to get drunk with the girlfriends and stay sober with the men. “A cup of water is fine. No ice.”
Julian hands me a glass of water, and I take a sip. He guzzles almost half a bottle at once.
He’s nervous, and I get it because so am I. Another suggestion my friends gave me was to spend the eveningignoring Julian. Also, I should pretend to enjoy myself no matter what. It may all be good advice, but it was difficult to follow, partly because I’m unsure of its purpose. My mind was busy with worry the entire night. Julian rejected me, and that could mean he was angry or disappointed. It doesn’t make sense that he would, but it’s possible he does.
Then, if Matteo chose to flirt with me, what would I do? I would fail again, except with an audience this time. My anxiety moved on to school next. There’s a paper due at the end of the week, and after spending the previous evening working on it, I managed three sentences. My brain wouldn’t let me write, and none of my usual hacks helped either.
“I don’t know why you asked me here,” I say and hear the warble in my voice. I suck in a breath and try again. “You need to tell me.” His jaw tightens, and he glances away. “What do you want?”
“Excellent question. Who picked out that dress you’re wearing?”
“It’s borrowed from Sarah.” Innocent, she said, while I thought it was virginal. Childish. “You don’t like it.”
Julian shakes his head. “That was my guess. Come here.” He grabs my hips, moving us both until I bump against a table. “If we do this, you realize I’ll take all of your firsts. You get that, right?”
An entire drive home was spent gathering the courage to ask, only for him to say no. “You refused.”
“You surprised me, Lily, although you shouldn’t have. You put your hands on my dick the night before; it makes sense we ended up here.”
“It wasn’t like that,” I hiss. He makes me sound like some anonymous woman asking for an hour’s worth of a good time. In hindsight, perhaps I am. This is the next step to getting what else I want, isn’t it? Julian isn’t a man who can stay monogamous, as he’s often said. He doesn’t want a relationship, but he is my friend, and I trust him.
I trusted him enough to ask.
“Yes, it was. It was exactly like that.” Julian licks his lips, and it’s not from nerves. “I’ll always do what you ask of me, Lily. Haven’t I so far?”
“Yes.”
“Then what’s different about this?”
“Nothing.” Everything.
“My answer was yes from the very moment you asked. It took a minute for me to catch up with you, but that isn’t a refusal.” Julian steps between my thighs. He bites the inside of his cheek, accentuating his square jaw. “I’m possessive of you. Our friendship is more than that to me, and I think you feel the same. It’s between us, and now we get each other, plus extra.” He winces and pulls back. “My point is, everything you ask of me, I find myself wanting it to.”
Worry springs up like it always does. Medication provides tools to handle it, but it doesn’t always go away. The more personal and fragile the issue, the more it takes center stage. “If you aren’t attracted to me or you change your mind, I’ll understand.” That’s not even about tonight; it’s all the things that could happen after. I know Julian’s preferences; a single woman, even me, isn’t one of them. I’ll mourn him when that time comes, like I’ve done before.
