Page 32 of The Player Penalty
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“You showed,” he says, entering through the front door. Julian wipes along his cheeks and neck.
“That was quick.” Julian’s timing means he sprinted from the merch booth to his trailer. It’s only a little past thirty minutes. “You want something to drink?”
“It’s race day,” he reminds me, so I pour him some water. Energy drinks come later during the actual race. “Thanks.”
He drinks it down and removes his shoes and shirt. I’m torn between staring at the floor or ogling him. Julian had stripped naked in my presence once before, but that was months ago during Boone and Maddie’s wedding, and it was dark outside. He stayed so close to me that his chest was sealed to my back. I didn’t need to see him to imagine his naked body.
Julian’s broad shoulders and muscled arms kept me anchored to him while the waves licked and crashed against us. The black hair along his torso and down his hard stomach tickled my back. His firm hips were against my own.
“You terrified me last night,” he says. I listen for any accusation and feel the first stirrings of an apology already brewing up. “One minute, you were there and then gone. You didn’t answer my text, and it killed me to ask your father. Pete Webb begrudgingly admires my professional skills, but your father does not like me as a person.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t. Don’t do that.” Julian hooks a leg over both of my own to sit on the table opposite me. “Once the terror was gone,I grew angry and put myself in your shoes. It wasn’t what you thought.”
“You don’t owe me an explanation, Julian. I know what you do when I’m not around.” Last night was the first time I witnessed it in person, and he didn’t even do all that much. Unfortunately, knowing didn’t prepare me to see it firsthand. “Everyone knows.”
He jerks back at that last statement. “I’ve known Samantha a few years. We aren’t together or dating. We’ve had fun a few times, that’s it.”
“I understand. Next time, please tell me if you want to be with someone else. You aren’t obligated to entertain me.” I’m not a child. There are ten years between us, an entire decade. Most of the time, those years melt away into nothingness, and then there are times like now when I feel every one of them. Not because our outlooks are that different, but because he reminds me of it without even trying.
He goes on as if I never spoke. “I was telling her I was with someone else. It felt polite to give someone the brush off in private, and maybe that was a dumb idea on my part. After you disappeared, I returned here alone and sulked because you weren’t with me. I grew jealous because you were with them.”
“You wanted to spend time with Sarah and Maddie?” He’s never mentioned it, let alone expressed interest in it before.
“No. I was jealous of them because you chose their company over mine.” Julian sucks in a breath and looks away. “It turns out I have a possessive streak regarding you. You’ve become my best friend over the past year, and I do not share well with others.”
“I’ve never had a best friend before.” The sound on my tongue is foreign. There have been plenty of decent friends, butthey always drift away. Either I don’t know how to keep them, or they find someone better.
“It was your first time getting drunk. I had planned a special night out, so you’d be safe with me.”
My hackles rise. I’m back to feeling like a child again. “I’m a grown woman, Julian. I get my experiences don’t match yours, but that doesn’t make me a little kid.”
“Don’t I know it,” he says. Before I can push back on that statement, he keeps going. “You mistake my motives. I enjoy taking care of you, and not because I see you as a child. Believe me, that’s not a problem. You’re…. you. Lily. I want to be the one protecting you, and I don’t appreciate the thought of someone else stepping in and taking my place. This is why your apology isn’t necessary. It allowed me to figure myself out, and now we both know the results.”
“That’s…I didn’t know you felt this way.”
“Why would you? It’s a first for us both, and that’s why I need you to make me a promise.”
“What sort of promise?”
“If your anxiety is triggered, tell me. I know your brain works differently than mine, so if you tell me, we can find accommodations. I can’t take care of you unless I know first.”
My heart is thumping. Isn’t this the speech someone like me dreams of hearing? Dad already does so much, but he doesn’t get it. Not truly. It’s the first time anyone has cared enough to understand.
Dr. Lambert said there was nothing wrong with developing feelings for him. Is that what this is? He’s more than a friend. Julian is something special, something I don’t understand yet.
It also seems I might learn what that something is, and I’m only a little afraid.
“I can promise you that.”
“Good, then stay with me until you go to my pit box.”
“I can’t do that today. Maddie and Sarah asked me to spend the race with them. They want to learn crochet.” I’d forgotten until just now.
His expression darkens. “Stay with me until then. I’m going to win today, you know.”
