Page 31 of Purgatory
“I said what I said.” Jax grinds his jaw, still not looking at either of us. That’s not good. He can talk to us about anything. Usually does. Why’s he hiding now? Is he ashamed? Embarrassed? No. Jax doesn’t get that way. This doesn’t make any sense. I think it’s time to break down the fortress he's built around himself so we can help him work through this. Time to loosen him up a bit...
“Erm...well, in that case...Jax and Aly kissing in a tree, K.I.S.S.I--”Jax jumps up faster than if he was on hot coals and powerbombs my ass on the couch.
“Fuck off, asshole,” he grunts as we wrestle off the couch and fall to the floor, sparring a little to let go of whatever is bugging him. After a few minutes, and a noticeably calmer Jax, we separate and Cole comes and falls down across both of us perpendicularly, his legs on Jax and his head on my waist looking up at both of us, a sly look on his face.
“Hell, I don’t care who she kisses, I just hope she gives me some kisses too.” I raise my eyebrows at that. “Oh, don’t look at me like you don’t want some too. We can see how you were staring at her all night, just like the rest of us.” Jax stiffens at Cole’s words. So, he does like her, after all. Interesting.
What’s concerning, however, is that we all like her. If that’s the case, then, who gets her? Who would she choose. Does she like all of us? We kissed at the lake earlier, but that doesn’t mean much in the way of exclusivity when she kissed Jax also. We’ve never talked about sharing anyone before. We’ve always had our own interests but for some reason with her, she seems to tick all of our boxes. It could work if we were all on the same page. That way, no one loses. I nod to myself. It could work. But how do I possibly think to even begin to broach that option? I look to Cole and then to Jax, nodding my agreement.
“She’s beautiful, in every way. Even if she gave me a sliver of herself, I'd be a happy man. I haven’t smiled so muchin ages.” And it’s true. While I haven’t been a celibate little monk over the years, no one has come close to giving me the feelings that Aly does. It’s simple, and effortless. She just fits. I look to Jax and Cole, “I guess this is where we say, ‘may the best man win?” Cole furrows his eyebrows at that, making me question what he’s thinking about. Hoping we’re on the same page.
“Look... I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t want to fight with y’all over her. I also can’t see myself backing out of any possibilities of being with her either. We, obviously, are all attracted to her in some way, shape or form and if we fight over her it’ll just cause a rift and we don’t need that right now. It’s tough times as it is.” Cole seems to process his words for a second before speaking again. “Ok. Hear me out. What about, if she was with all three of us. You know, together? Not needing to choose. Obviously, she’d have to be ok with that but... I think I can see that working.”
For a second neither Jax nor myself answers. I don’t even think either of us moves or even takes in a breath waiting to see how the other would react. Before I voice my opinion though…
“Are you out of your goddamn mind?! How could she possibly be ok with that? You’re proposing she be romantically and intimately involved with three guys. Three fucking guys, Cole? Are you fucking serious? That doesn’t happen in real life!” Jax erupts, to which Cole responds. “You never know if you don’t try.”
He looks over to me for my answer. I take a second. Could I share her with them? I’ve known them for years. They’re my best friends. I trust them with anything. With everything. Could I trust them with the girl I could see myself potentially falling in love with? The answer is immediate. Yes. Yes, I could. They would keep her safe. They would protect her. Comfort her when I’m not around. God forbid if anything happened to me,they would be there for her in my place. The solution seems so easy. Leave it to Cole to find a way to broach the subject, make us all happy and keep us all together.
Go, Alfred, Go!
“I think I could work with that.” I nod. “If it were any other bastards I’d say fuck no, but you guys are my brothers and I’d trust you with my life. If Aly is down and wants all of us, then I say, yes.”
Cole and I look to each other, silently agreeing on a partnership and look to Jax. He puts his hands up in the air in a surrender.
“Don’t look at me guys, it's not happening. I can’t do it, so have fun.” I jerk my head back at that.
“What do you mean you can’t do it? The possible sharing or do you just not like her and didn’t mean to kiss her?”
“Nah, man, the sharing doesn’t bother me. You guys mean a lot to me and if we could make it work, I'd say go for it. Fuck, I’ve seen each of your dicks enough throughout the years it’s not like it would be weird. And it’s not that I don’t like her. She’s gorgeous and fearless and... shit, everything.” He stares off as he continues. “She’s just too much like...her...I can’t do it again... it’s too close... the nightmares are back too...” He shakes his head in embarrassment, wiping his hands down his face. He looks back at each of us. “I can’t go through that again...”
Cole looks at me and I nod back. We both know what happened just before we got here. That whole situation was fucked up but it wasn’t his fault and he ended up doing the right thing in the end. When he told us what had happened it was like I was living it through his story. We’ve all seen death and destruction through work and it never gets easier. But losing your partner to such bullshit is soul wrecking.
He had nightmares for a while after losing her, relivingthe horrors, never really able to run away from reality. After a while they lessened and then left completely. I think that was about the time we got into our daily work. Organization, schedules, regiment. It helped him overcome the darkness. But if the nightmares are back…
"Hey man, if you think we should stay away from her, that’s fine with us. We’re a team. I’m not going to do anything you’re not comfortable with, OK?” I say to Jax. It might kill me to refrain from moving forward with her if she was up for it, but Jax is important. I wouldn’t jeopardize his sanity. Not if I could help it. Cole nods his agreement with me. Jax looks to both of us.
“Look, I’m not telling you guys you can’t be with her because of my past. I’m not gonna do that. Go... have fun.” He emphasizes. “Please. Believe me. I want to. But I can’t get close, develop feelings for her and potentially lose her too. I just can’t do it. If I did, and I lost her too I wouldn’t be able to cope. It would be my fault all over again. And I don’t know what I'd do....” Cole and I look to each other, taking in the severity of Jax’s words and understanding his concerns. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I’ll still hang out with her and all but that will be it, totally platonic and that’s ok with me.” He ends with a small smile.
On that note he pats his knees, gets up and walks to the door to the kitchen looking back at us, his grin widening. “She really is something though...” He, then, turns back around and saunters away, leaving Cole and myself to ponder the possibilities.
My mind floods with the thought of both Cole and myself worshiping her body together over and over again until she feels so loved she’s paralyzed by it. Fuck there goes my dick again. Shit, and his face is right there.Sonofabitch. Fuck... uh...zombies... gross, flesh-eating zombies... eating... eating out... eating out Aly...shit! He slowly turns his head towardsme, a knowing grin on his face.
“Well, hello, Clarece...,”Cole says, laughing after. “Can’t possibly imagine what you could be thinking of...,” he says sarcastically. I roll the asshole off of me, jump up and then turn to look down at him still lying on the floor.
“Shit, probably thinking about the same thing you are with that tent you’re pitching, ya damn horse!” I flip him off with a smile and run away to his fleeting laughter behind me.
Chapter 22
Alessandra
A person could get spoiled living here. Between the picturesque backdrop surrounding the lake and the sexy man meat in permanent residence, I don’t think I'll ever want to leave. Not that I really have anywhere else to go.
I’m starting to understand how things work around here, to a point. Everyone has their assigned tasks they’re responsible for and they go about doing them, everyday, without any hesitation, no questions needed. I just wonder where I might be able to fit in to their routine.
Fishing with Hawk the other day was fun, especially that kiss. Oh my gravy, that was hot as hell. And I loved picking apples with Cole. He has this soothing way about him that just makes me melt into a pile of goo. It makes me want to curl up next to him and steal some of that Zen-like calm that seems to radiate out of him. I could see myself falling asleep in his arms every night and never have to worry about nightmares.
Speaking of, I don’t know what to say about Jax. He seems better since our raspberry encounter, although distant and prickly. He reminds me of those little decorative cacti with a little pink flower that you get for your desk. Really nice to look at, but don’t get too close or you might get pricked. I don’t know. He’s definitely got something more going on. More than what he’s already revealed to me. And my curious ass just can’t seem to stay away from the allure of discovering his secrets. Unraveling his mystery like a detective on a case. I always didlike those mystery escape rooms. You know the ones where they lock you in a little closet surrounded with seemingly meaningless items and you’re tasked with piecing together bits and pieces to get released? Jax is my mystery. I want to unravel him, twist in his clues and piece him back together, make him whole and marvel at the beauty of his entirety.
