Page 39 of Purgatory
Something ghosts across my side, jolting me back to the present. I spin around, expecting to see Hawk there but come up empty. It was probably a fish or something then. The thought makes me shake out my body, ridding itself of the heebie-jeebies. I turn back around to stare at the sunset once again to try and calm my rattled nerves but Hawk is right in front of me, making me nearly leap out of my skin in fright as I yelp and fall backwards into the water.
It shouldn’t have startled me. I knew he was joining me. But my self-consciousness of being naked in a lake for everyone to see, as well as trying to discern whether or not any flesh-eating fish live in the Carolinas, have made me a bit frazzled.
Hawk’s helpful hands find me splashing around under the water and help me find the surface. I gasp for air and find him smirking and laughing to himself. No doubt patting himself on his back for my scaredy cat reaction. I show him my appreciation for his candor by chopping my arm in the water towards him, sending a wall of water his direction. It does the trick to curb my snippet of anger as well as my timidness and in the end we’re both laughing together and circling each other.
He moves to come closer and I let him. Leaning into his strength to give my legs and arms a break. He pushes up to me, chest to chest, allowing his arms to circle around my back.Why does that feel…?I look down. Oh, holy shit that’s right, we’re both naked. The thought causes my muscles to freeze up and render me speechless. It’s hard to concentrate on anything else at this point since his cock isright there.
Fuck, I really need to tell him about Cole...
I will my legs to stay down and not cling around him but it’s becoming increasingly difficult the longer he stares down at me. His hands come up to the small of my back and begin drawing little tempting circles, overheating my skin.
“I should have packed us a snack, I’m sure you’re hungry after scouting all day.”
Oh, you’re packin’ something alright... and damn if you’re not right about me being hungry for it...
“Famished...” I say on a breath. I can hardly get the word out, barely able to hear anything over the pounding of my heart in my chest. I felt the same way with Cole earlier today. The thought of Cole is like a lightning strike, jolting me back to awareness and how close Hawk is. I push away slightly, needing some room to think, and gaze up at him remorsefully.
“Hawk, wait.” I lick my lips, pushing myself to be honest about this and not be the chicken shit I want to be and simply avoid it all together. But that wouldn’t be fair to anyone, myself included. “I need to tell you something. Cole and I--”
“It’s ok... I had a feeling something went down,” he interrupts, allowing me to separate myself from him a bit more. Wait, he knew me and Cole just had sex? And he was ok with being so personal with me? What if I didn’t say anything? What about Cole? Before my inner rant could ramble on, Hawk continues. “So, you like him?”
He’s wearing a look as if he’s holding back something big. Like he’s physically restraining himself from holding me and it looks like it’s hurting him, both physically and emotionally. The pain in his eyes makes me gasp. I knew Hawk liked me. We kissed and held hands and all that jazz. Telling him I like Cole is sure to hurt him more after what we’ve experienced together, but I need to be open with him.
“Yes...,” I reply. I can’t even look him in the eyes as I say the word. Hawk’s shoulders slump in defeat. Resigned to my choice, he simply nods and goes to move away, separating us even further. I don’t like that. I don’t like the distance I’ve created at all. Suddenly, the book I read comes to mind. Why should I have to choose? Why do I need to make that reserved decision when I have the chance to have everything and everyone I want? That is, if I have the courage to let it all out in the open. Fuck this. I’m gonna open Pandora’s box and surround myself in the beautiful chaos. At least it’ll be of my own doing. My choice. I take a deep breath and look up into his eyes. “But...I like you too...”
Hawk’s eyebrows lift and he lets out an audible gasp as my words hang in the air between us. I like him too. Both. All of them if I’m being honest. There’s no going back from this. It’s like a dam has been broken and I can’t take back what I’ve said. I just hope that he can look at it like I am. I don’t want to choose. Please don’t make me.
“I don’t know what to do about that...,” I say.
He licks his lips and swipes a hand through his hair, sending little droplets of water out onto the surface. When he brings up his hands to hold me again, he drifts them just a bit lower to the top of my ass. I’m not ready when he lowers his head to my neck and kisses it up to my ear, sending shivers down my spine, making my back arch.
“What if we both kept you?” he whispers. I can’t contain my gasp as I look up at him.
Did I just hear that right? “What if we both kept you?”I can see it in his eyes that he’s serious. My heart is trying its hardest to leap from my body and race directly to his because it was like he read my mind. I’m both surprisingly relaxed that he’s ok with the prospect but also anxious to see what that all means for us.
“What if... Cole was ok with both of us keeping you? Making you ours... in every way?” Hawk says as he slowly pulls away from me in order to look me in the eyes. “What if I told you we already talked about it and he is?”
I think I’ve stopped breathing. In my daze, Cole’s words from earlier in the village filter back into my head, ‘... gives me hope that anything is possible.’ And then, I remember what he said to me as we parted at the house, ‘We’ve talked and we’re ok with whatever you choose...” I was confused at first but it’s starting to make sense now. Is this what he was referring to?
My hands take their time exploring the contours of his chiseled pecs and shoulders. My chest pressed tight against his, I can feel his breaths getting heavier, my own breaths have completely stopped as I stare into his eyes and my lips part. “I think I’d like to see that happen.”
“Fuck, yes,” he says under his breath. It was as if my response made every one of his muscles relax at once. Taking one hand and bringing it to my face, he uses his fingers to move the stray strands away from my eyes and trails his hand through my hair on the way back down, making my breath stutter and my eye lids flutter.
This makes him smile and blow out a breath, our exchange heady. My arousal would be unmistakable if it wasn’t for us being in the water. I decide to give in to my desire, show him I meant what I said and take a chance, lifting my legs to wrap around his waist. The movement makes something in him break.
Within seconds, his hands lower to grab below my ass, hoisting me onto his waist, the muscles in his arms bunching with the movement. His head lowers to meet mine as he claims my lips with a lingering kiss. It’s not like Cole’s was. Cole’s kiss was like he was starving and couldn’t wait another second. Hawk’s kiss, no, this is more like pledging devotion. It's slow, erotic, our breaths and tongues intermingling in a caress thatfeels like he missed me all day. It’s like a homecoming. My soul recognizing his on a primitive basis and his is welcoming mine with open arms.
One hand leaves my ass and makes its way up my back, pushing me further into him, deepening our kiss. I am so caught up in his mouth, his hands and his body that I don’t realize he’s been moving us closer to the shore until I can feel him lower me to the ground, pushing me down onto the sand, all the while never breaking the kiss.
He moves one hand up to my jawline, his thumb pushing up, making my head go back, elongating my neck as he kisses a line down to my collarbone. Continuing down to my breasts he looks up and smirks as my hands tangle in his hair. His tongue darts out, teasing my nipple, making my back arch, my body begging for more.
His other hand trails lower, over my tummy, to the apex of my thighs to feel how ready I am for him. He looks up again.
“I’m gonna show you just how good we can be for you, sweetheart. Cole’s gonna be over the moon that you want both of us, but right now, I just need you wrapped around me in every way.” He kisses just above my collar bone. “I want to feel every inch of you.” He looks up at me, caressing just above where I’m dying to feel him.
I can’t take it anymore and nod my confirmation just before he dives two fingers in to my silken heat. He groans at how wet I am and continues his assault on my nipples. I throw my head back at how good he feels right now.
“More,” I moan as my hands seek out his dick. He’s hard and big and so ready for me. I stroke him up and down, making a corkscrewing motion at the top. The sensations make him stop sucking on my nipples as his eyes roll into the back of his head and his mouth drops open.
