Page 27 of Purgatory
“What the FUCK were you thinking? Why were you out there?” His hands reach up to touch my face, my arms, practically anywhere he can reach. Anywhere he can grab ahold of enough skin to wrench me back and forth, trying to shake my apparent insanity out of me. “What could possibly be so damn important that you needed to be in the woods instead of inside the perimeter? Berries? Fucking BERRIES??? Is that what you’d die for? Did you even bring a weapon with you? Where’s your bat? Did you get a knife? What the he--”
His rant stops, suddenly, when I slap my hand across his cheek. The loudWHAPcould’ve probably been heard back at the house. Not like I care. He needed to stop.
“Sheesh! Shut the hell up and let a girl speak for crying out loud. I thought it was ok because you all said that the property was all fenced in and I didn’t go through, under or over any fences so what rules was I breaking? I didn’t have a weapon because I was just coming back from going fishing with Hawk and I was about to go find Cole when I came across some berries. Being a good houseguest, I thought it might be nice for me to pick some fresh berries for you guys seeing as how nice you all have been to me, or, well, at leasttheyhave. School’s still out on you, Mr. Broodypants.” I point in his direction, ending on a huff with my arms crossed in front of me.
He just stands there, staring at me, with a face completely void of emotion. He doesn’t speak, doesn’t react, just stern eyes, like lasers burning through mine. I suddenly feel lessI am woman, hear me roarand moreah fuck, I brokethe raging bastard.After what seems like an hour, but probably more like 2 minutes of heavy breathing for both of us, he speaks.
“Finished?” That’s it. Almost silent. No outward emotion. No yelling. No massive cosmic eruption of impending doom because I poked the bear. Just one curt word and a cocked eyebrow. My heart stops. Dead. I’m more terrified now than I was surrounded by zombies just minutes ago. I fucked up. Oh, I fucked up. My silence is taken as my answer. He rushes me, pushing my back up against a large tree and pins both of my hands above my head in just one of his giant mitts.
Holy shit on a shingle, I’m gonna die.
I never really noticed it before but this man is enormous in comparison to me. I bet if anyone were to look at us from behind his massive body, they wouldn’t even know I was there. Even straining to look up at him is almost impossible given our proximity. He’s close. So close that I when I finally crane my neck back far enough, I can see the vein in his neck throbbing with restrained chaos. I can see him lick his lips and hear, even with the ever-present noise in the forest, the sound his tongue makes as it returns to his mouth. I can feel the angry vibrations coming off his skin even if his face is devoid of it. It’s overpowering… intense… terrifying, but for some reason, fucking irresistible.I don’t understand it.
“Let’s take this... one thing at a time, ok?” He says calmly, too calmly. My spine zips with a shiver at the low timber in his voice and how it vibrates against me. He waits for a response. When I give none, he squeezes my wrists until I nod. “Good girl. First of all, did I hit you?” Learning my lesson after the first question, I answer quickly and shake my headno. “Did I hurt you in any way just now?” I shake again. “Did I give you the impression of wanting to hurt you?”No again. If anything, it was the opposite, he was super protective. Saving me back there when I could have easily become zombie food.
He takes a deep breath and starts again. His voice holding that calm demeanor. I almost wish he’d yell or scream or do anything but what he’s doing right now. For some reason, it makes me feel more like a child being reprimanded than if he would just yell at me. I immediately feel bad about how I reacted to him.
“Then why did you hit me?” He waits for a response, a reason for my meager physical attempt against him. I have none, I just want him to stop judging me for my errors instead of me owning up to them. He’s right, though. I was out of line.
“I’m sorry...” my voice is barely there but I know he heard it by the way he loosens his grip on my wrists but still keeping them up above my head with one of his. I don’t know how, but he manages to step even closer. His one hand moves to my waist with a protectiveness I’m beginning to see more of. His eyes, still staring into the depths of my soul. The voice that follows is equally tame and controlled. Deep and dark with a sense of urgency for me to listen and comprehend.
“If I raised my voice to you, it’s because you did something that was incredibly reckless, and you needed to understand the severity of it. You scared the shit out of me back there. I’m sorry if my reaction triggered that response from you, as well, but I need you to take this seriously. Yes, you were correct, there was no fence there. But that was because I was taking a break from replacing a section from a fallen tree. If you remember, you said your orders from Hawk were to go find Cole in the garden. Instead of doing that, you wandered away from your directive, putting yourself at risk, not only from outside dangers but because we wouldn’t know where you were to help you if you needed it. Straying from what we are supposed to do creates open ended scenarios that haven’t been prepared for.” He looks away and to the ground, lowering his voice, “People have died doing so.”
I take a second to fully take in what he was telling me.He’s right. I wandered off to an area I’ve never been to, without telling anyone, without any protection, nothing but frolicking headspace. Stupid. That’s what it was. He put his life at risk out there to save me. He didn’t have to.
As I look up at this man, my third savior, I start to see him.Reallysee him. The passion he has for keeping those around him safe is ingrained in him. Like a dark knight with an ironclad purpose. My breath hitches at the thought as well as the feeling of his thumb, which is now drawing soft, delicate circles on my waist. My fingers move to link with his above my head.
His face turns back toward me, his brows dipped, studying my face. He has the most gorgeous eyes. Some people say that brown eyes are the boring ones out of the bunch. Not his. Swirls of chocolate and caramel form his sinful gaze. Simply put, they can be described with one word: captivating. His eyes captured your stare and held it. Caressed it. Inevitably rendering me to putty in his hands.
It’s my submission to his lingering movements that spurs something dark in him. His pupils turn almost completely black in the span of an instant. It’s like a demon takes over. The atmosphere around us electrifies with anticipation as the question in his eyes is answered.
All of a sudden, his lips crash against mine with a passion unrivaled. Completely different from the one I had a little while ago. Hawk’s kiss was caring, like one you would expect Prince Charming to deliver. Kissing Jax is like kissing the devil. Hot, dark, protective and with the promise of vengeance to anyone who would do any of us harm. Jax groans as we open our mouths, tangling our tongues together. I respond with a breathy moan, pushing my body further into his, leaving no room for even the shadows to cling to. The world around us vanishes, our want and need and craving for something bigger than ourselves, concealing us fromeverything else. We ride the high of it until...
The air shifts. A gust of wind screams through the trees, crashing our lusty cloud of fog to the ground. The spell is broken. Jax freezes his movements and then takes a quick step back, running his hands roughly through his hair, pulling at the roots. His eyes begin darting this way and that. Frantic in their movements. My own emotions begin to twist the chaos, embarrassing inadequacy taking a front seat to whatever it is going on between us.
“What the hell did I do this time?”my inner self questions.
He must have heard my inner monologue because he rushes back over to me, taking my face between his hands. He runs one softly through my hair, soothing me and my panicked thoughts. His eyes return to mine, misty and frantic as he speaks softly. As if he hardly has the breath to make the words come to life in the first place.
“We can’t.Ican’t. I can’t do this again. It hurt too much last time. It will kill me this time. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I keep doing this to you. You don’t deserve this. You are so beautiful and sweet and stubborn as hell and...fuck...”He turns away slightly, seemingly talking to himself. “Just likeher...”
Her?
He looks back to me, his eyes glassy now. He looks so sad and I feel as if I missed the bar completely.... Did he lose someone? My mind begins running circles around itself to rival Olympic track stars but before I could go careening off to the left, he speaks again, his eyes vacant, as if he was reliving a dream.
“I was in a relationship, not long ago. Just after all of this started, she was here. With me. Before the guys came. It was still early on, but the virus came through like a plague and wiped out most of the town. A week or so came and went and the new horde of soul-less bodies left. Or so we thought. Wewere going to scope out the town. See if there were any others that survived and stayed after. She wanted to make a quick trip down to the grocery store, find some chips or whatever other shit she wanted to help take her mind off of everything. I watched her go into the store while I stayed in the truck. Like it was any other normal day. Like an idiot. I should’ve followed her. I should’ve paid more attention. I didn’t even see her leave the store to go across the street. Within minutes, I heard the screams, and I immediately recognized them as hers. I raced in the direction they came from as fast as I could, but it was too late. The bites were evidence enough. Jagged, red and gnarly running down her neck. The light in her eyes was there one second, and the next, I could see it starting to fade. Replacing vitality with vile, repulsive death.”
He blinks the nightmare out of his eyes and focuses on me again. “The ironic part about both of your stories.... she left the supermarket, to run to the bookstore, probably to get me a new book to add to my collection. She always knew how much I loved to read. I only got a glimpse of its red cover before I needed to get the hell out of there. A simple gift, from her to me. Just like you, it seems. Trying to run off and gather your little red gifts for us.”
Chapter 20
Alessandra
Jax turns and leaves me with my jaw gaping at his confession as he walks back towards the opening in the fence. You could say that at times like these I shouldn’t be shocked that he lost someone close to him but I was all the same. His story was heartbreaking. Is heartbreaking. Like someone ripped open my chest, stabbed the beating thing with a skewer and slammed my chest back together. I feel horrible for the guy.
His words sink in, however. They all make sense and I now realize that I’ve been entirely too flippant with everything. I’ve had my close calls these past few months. I know I should know better. I guess it’s just been my coping mechanism to act as if everything is normal still.
You forget that it’s the ditsy, flying with their heads in the clouds, blondes that end up dead first in horror flicks....
