Page 167 of Red Zone
He steps aside, and I peel my coat off as I follow him into the kitchen. Of course, it smells like coffee and whatever his girlfriend baked this morning. There’s already a plate of lemon bars on the counter.
We sit at the table like we always used to, and he makes me a cup of tea without asking.
He leans back in his chair, eyeing me for a beat. “How’s everything going? You ready for the new term?”
I nod, curling my hands around the mug. “Yeah. Just…trying to get back in the swing of things.”
“Madison okay?” he asks gently.
I hesitate before answering. “She’s…getting there, maybe. It’s been rough.”
He nods, quiet for a second. Then he clears his throat.
“Are you coming for dinner this weekend? Nicole wanted to know if we could celebrate your birthday Sunday before they head out to see her mom for the week.”
Something in my chest twists at the mention of them.
I set my cup down carefully, moving my hands to my lap.
“Dad…” I start, my voice softer than I expect.
He looks at me, waiting.
“I feel like…”
The words stick in my throat, and I have to press my lips together and look down at the table for a second before I can finish.
My dad waits, his brow furrowed, patient but concerned.
I inhale slowly and force it out.
“Like you’ve been trying to replace me. And Mom.”
His eyebrows lift, his mouth parting like he wants to interrupt—but I hold up my hand and keep going, because if I stop now, I’ll never say the rest.
“It feels like…like you’re building this whole new family without me in it. You’ve got Nicole, and her daughter, and her friends, and all these new traditions, and I…” My voice catches, my throat burning. “I just feel like a guest in your life now. Like I’m just…visiting. Like I don’t really belong here anymore.”
I bite my lip and shake my head, staring down at my hands.
“And I know it’s not fair. I know you deserve to be happy. I really do want that for you. But every time I come here and see how easily you’ve moved on, how easily you’ve built something with them…it feels like me and Mom were just…placeholders. Like we were just the family you settled for before you found the one you really wanted.”
The confession leaves me shaky and raw, my fingers tightening around the edge of my teacup just to keep them from trembling.
“I know you don’t mean to make me feel that way,” I add quietly, barely above a whisper. “But you do. And I don’t know how to stop feeling like I’m not enough. Like I’m already gone to you.”
He stares at me for another moment, before getting up and coming to my side of the table, reaching for my hand, and pulling me up from my chair. His arms wrap around me and bring me into a tight hug.
“You’re never, ever not good enough,” he says quietly, his thumb brushing over my knuckles.
His voice cracks just a little, enough that it makes my chest ache.
“You’ll always be my little girl,” he continues, his gaze locking on mine, earnest and heavy with feeling. “Always. And I’m sorry, Ly. I’m so damn sorry I ever made you feel like you weren’t a part of this…like you weren’t the most important part. That was never my intention.”
He pauses, drawing in a shaky breath of his own.
“I’ve watched you grow into this…this incredible young woman. You’re strong, and smart, and you care so much about everyone around you. You’ve accomplished more than I ever dreamed for you, and I know you’re just getting started. I’m proud of you, Lyla. So proud of everything you’ve done and everything you’re going to do. Your mom would be so, so proud of you too.”
The lump in my throat swells until it feels impossible to swallow. My eyes sting, but I manage a small nod anyway, my lips pressed together tight.
