I’ve come to love it, though. It feels like my own private claim on her—something only we know the origins of.
“Dimitri?”
Remembering her previous question, I finally manage, “It’s nothing.”
She doesn’t need to know how depressing my thoughts have become lately; that around me, she’ll never be able to fully embrace who she deserves to be. Having a relationship with a mobster isn’t easy. Death and pain are the norm, and for someone who comes from a regular family, it’s unfair.
These irritating, headache-inducing thoughts have been plaguing me more often, considering we’re a week from graduation. We have a couple months of summer before she heads off to Moscow State University, chasing her dream of becoming a teacher.
I applied to the school as well, for criminology, and was accepted. Papa ripped the letter up and laughed in my face.
“You truly think you can continue faking normality forher? Dimitri, higher education isn’t in your future.”
Katya understands our paths are paved to take us in different directions. She claims to not care, but it’s terrifying to wonder if it’ll eventually bother her. At university, she’ll be spending time with other people—other guys—who are pursuing normal dreams and a better future…one that matches her own. Eventually, she’ll get a job as a teacher, working during the daytime, while mine keeps me up late, deep within the underbelly of the city, where the shadows come out to play.
I’m scared of everything after graduation. One day, she’ll wake up and realize she wants more than I can give her—a man who works a nine-to-five career and only ever hears the screams of dying people in horror movies, who’ll never come home with blood on his hands or a trunk full of drugs to drop off.
“Ready?” I gesture towards the car for her to slide in. She does, and as I’m walking around to my side, my phone vibrates. I glance at it, suspecting who the sender is even before reading the contact.
Papa
Where the fuck are you?
Ursin called a last-minute meeting about an hour ago, but I ignored it and headed to Katya’s house because we had plans. No doubt by now, he’s realized I’m not in attendance.
Papa
Do not ignore me. Get your ass here NOW.
“All good?” Katya’s staring at my phone, nibbling on her bottom lip.
I slide the device back into my pocket and reply, “Yeah,” even though it’s really not.
The second myfoot crosses the threshold of the Bratva mansion, a heavy hand slams me against the doorframe. His grip clenched around my throat renders me immobile. I’m already taller than him with nearly the same build, and fighting could mean winning. Doing so angers him more, though, so I remain compliant.
“Where the fuck were you tonight? When your Pakhan calls, you come.Then.In the time given. Not five hours later.”
Despite the private deal with myself to remain yielding, submissiveness isn’t instinctual for me. I twist my neck, loosening his hold. “Out. Not my fault Ursin calls last-minute meetings.”
Papa seethes, his teeth pressing together, because I dared to speak against our leader. “It is when it’s your motherfucking job. You were withher, weren’t you?”
There’s no point denying it. He knows the only place I’d be is with Katya. Besides, he’d probably see through any attempt to lie.
When Vanessa was home for the holidays from boarding school a year ago, she said I’m too obvious with my feelings for Katya, and one day my love for her will get me in trouble if I wasn’t careful.
At the time, I saw it as a compliment. Now, I realize it’s a weakness. A sign of my vulnerability. The closer I get to being sworn in, the more my kill count increases, and thus, my enemy count. People would love to take out the Pakhan’s nephew, which places Katya in danger; there are more people who know about her, and she could be used against me.
“And?” I shove him off and push from the doorframe to head for the grand staircase and end this conversation.
He trails me, his steps heavy in his attempt to make a point. “Your fondness for her needs to end, Dimitri. I understand you care about her, but the moment you chose her over Bratva business is the day she’s become an issue.”
She’ll never be an issue.
My heel squeaks on the step as I spin around, glaring. “You don’t understand. If you did, you’d respect her and my decision. Besides, I got caught up on what the meeting was about. Ursin fears invasion, but never said from whom, and wants the borders better defended.”
Papa frowns, unimpressed I found my own way of staying on top of things. “Lev told you, I assume?”
Lev Petrov is the son of one of Ursin’s Elite members—his inner circle of top-ranking soldiers. Generals, really. Like me, Lev is training to be sworn into the Bratva and eventually continue the legacy we’ve been bred into. Over the years, we’ve gotten close, often running deals together and bitching about the shit our fathers force onto us. There’s stuff he’s hidden, though—things having to do with his twin sister, Anastasia, I’m sure—and I’ve respected his privacy. Likewise, he respects my desire for a relationship with Katya enough to catch me up on Bratva details I miss out on when with her.