Page 144 of Dark Flame
When we approach the mountains, I pull him to a stop. “Could we find a cave or something instead of using Morgan’s basement. It’ll be right before sunrise when we arrive and won't have time to fully explain everything like they’ll want. I’d rather avoid them until necessary.”
No doubt, Morgan’s worried, based on Alec’s story about what happened after the sun set and he realized I wasn’t with her. But she deserves the time to ask what she needs to and not be rushed through that shocking conversation within minutes.
He leads me into another direction, seemingly knowing where he’s going, and we reach a large cave in the side of a mountain.
“It goes far back enough that sunlight never reaches far inside.”
I head to the very back as he recommends, taking a seat on the ground that no longer feels hard. Alec settles beside me, leaning against the cave wall.
“You should rest. Your body went through a lot with the transformation. The first couple days as a vampire are the most difficult.” He pulls me close, his body a perfect fit against mine. “I think I will too. Dying really takes it out of a person.”
Maybe but sleep feels like the furthest thing in my abilities.
“I don’t know if I’m able to.” I straighten off of him, inching to the side. “But you feel free to. No need to hold me.”
Abruptly, he yanks me on top of him, my legs around his thighs like I slept last night in Morgan’s basement.
From now on, you’ll sleep in my arms.
Possessive.But I’m okay with it.
I have something to be possessive over.
I love you too.
He stares at me, murmuring in a wondrous tone, “How have I gone so long without you?”
“How long exactly would that be?’
He lightly slaps my ass.Nice try.
I had to give it an honest effort. What happens tomorrow?
What do you want to happen?
When I first rejoined the coven, it felt right to be home. But now…
You’re still a witch. You still belong there.
I’m in-between. Vampires won’t want me around because I’m the enemy. Witches will be scared of me.
He tightens his arm around my waist, but it doesn’t do anything to my despondent mood. “Iwant you, so fuck everyone else.”
“They’re my coven, Alec; it’s not that easy. Even if I was raised away, my magick recognizes them. SinclairsmadeHighridge, so it’s like my legacy. Since I’ll never have kids, I’ll forever be the remaining Sinclair. Feels wrong to leave.”
He stiffens. “Did you want kids?”
I shake my head into his side, answering in his head rather than pushing the words from my tight throat.Not really, but I can’t say where the future would have ended up. Did you want kids in your human life?
They were expected of me. Wants did not matter. I was heir to my father and would have been arranged to wed a woman, a princess from another kingdom most likely. She would have become my queen and bore my children. At least one son, one spare, and then however many more she wanted.
When Alec speaks of his past, it always strikes me how strange the differences between history and now is. His explanation seems so cold and impersonal, but normal for his time.
It’s the life he would have had, if my ancestor made different choices. If the vampires who hunted him didn’t turn them. If his father didn’t give Cora to the coven.
“Do you wish that was the life you had instead of being a vampire?”
Silence stretches between us like an uncomfortable band that’s too tight around my sternum. When he finally answers, it seems to be with the weight of all his choices. “The transition freed me. Then, yes, I believed I’d miss my old life, but I soon realized being beneath my father’s reign was a set of unbreakable shackles. As vampires, Cora and I were free, and while it may have taken a bit to get used to the idea of drinking blood and living forever, I much preferred it. If you’re asking if I wished I stayed human to take a wife and have a brood of children…” Abruptly, the angle changes as I’m flipped onto my back, Alec coming over me. “Then no. Not the kids, not the wife. They were all part of the role expected of me. When I met you, I officially woke up. Like my immortal life had meaning.”
