Page 116 of Wicked Spite
Reagan snorts above me, but there’s a quiver in her breath that tells me she’s moved. My hands caress her sides as I continue to talk to our unborn child.
“You know, your mom and me? We’re gonna make sure you have one hell of a life. We’ll do football Sundays with me, obviously. Your uncles will probably fucking be there also. I’m annoyed I’ll have to share you with them. I’ll teach you all the plays and scream at the TV like a lunatic. And video games? We’ll dominate those together. But don’t worry; we’ll break up all that chaos with some art time with mommy. She’s got this incredible talent you’ll get to learn from.”
I press another kiss to Reagan’s stomach and chuckle softly. “Halloween will be our thing, kiddo. Your mom and I are big on it—we’re talking scary costumes, haunted houses, and pranking your uncles until they lose their shit. Literally.”
Reagan lets out a low laugh at that, her fingers threading through my hair as she looks down at me.
“We’ll start planning pranks early,” I say conspiratorially to the bump that’s barely there yet. “Uncle Jerry’s first on the list. We’re gonna fill his room with fake spiders or some shit. Uncle Linky won’t see it coming either—maybe put some cling wrap over the toilet seat or something classic. And Uncle Grammy? Trust me, I’ve got ideas for days.”
She gives me a small smile and places her hand over mine on her stomach.
I rise to my feet slowly, never breaking eye contact with her. The reality of it all is sinking in deeper with each passingsecond. Our future is no longer just about us; it’s about this tiny life we’ve created together.
“Alright, we gotta go tell the circus,” I say, pulling away from Reagan and clapping my hands together. The look she gives me is full of exasperation and amusement, but there’s a flicker that tells me she’s just as excited as I am.
“Lead the way, you joker,” she mutters, rolling her eyes but following close behind as I stride out of the bedroom, making our way down the stairs.
As soon as we step into the kitchen, all eyes are on us.
“Listen up, fuckers!” I announce as I strut into the room, my arm draped possessively around Reagan’s waist. “Got an announcement to make.”
“What’s this about now?” Lincoln asks, his voice dripping with sarcasm. His dark eyes scan me, already bracing for whatever shitstorm I’m about to unleash.
“Like I just said, I have an announcement to make,” I declare, chest puffed out like a goddamned peacock. The collective groan that follows is music to my ears.
“Please tell me it’s not another marriage,” Jeremiah quips, leaning back against the counter with a weary expression. “One was more than enough.”
“Don’t worry, Jerry,” I shoot back, narrowing my eyes at him. “It’s nothing you have to worry your pretty little head about. But just so you know, I was fucking real good on your birthday.” I thrust my hips forward in a crude imitation, drawing disgusted and amused reactions from the room.
“Goddamn it, Penn,” Lincoln mutters, shaking his head while trying and failing not to laugh.
“Yeah, suck it, Uncle Jerry,” I add for good measure, flashing a wicked grin as I revel in the chaos I’ve sown, but no one catches on to me calling him Uncle.
“Real mature, Penn,” Iris chimes in, her tone dripping with sarcasm.
“Helloooooo, maturity is overrated. My dick is mature, and that’s all I care about,” I retort, strutting over to the table and pull the little slippers out and put them on the table for everyone to see.
“Anyway, enough about Jerry’s birthday being my sex fest,” I continue, ignoring the murderous look Jeremiah shoots my way. “So, listen up, because shit’s about to change around here in about six months.”
It takes a minute before everyone freezes, their eyes darting toward Reagan standing there with her arms crossed, looking at me like she’s both amused and annoyed.
“Right about now, things are starting to click for you,” I say, grinning like a madman. “I got the biggest dick, first one to get married, first one to knock up my wife. I’m three for three, motherfuckers.”
There’s a collective gasp, followed by stunned silence. You could hear a pin drop in this godforsaken room. Iris breaks the tension, rolling her eyes so hard I think they might get stuck. “Oh, dear fucking god... it’s going to be a Scorpio,” she mutters, voice dripping with exasperation.
“Yeah, yeah,” I cackle, the sound echoing off the kitchen walls as I reach into my pocket. “A little hellion just like their old man.”
“Jesus Christ, Penn,” Lincoln groans.
“Everyone better get used to this,” I declare, my eyes scanning the room. “Because this little family of ours? It’s just getting started.”
Oakley and Iris get up and move to hug my wife in congratulations and I feel my lips pulling back and my teeth baring at the thought of anyone touching her right now. Fuck,she’s going to have my balls if I try to keep the girls away from her.
I turn back to my brothers and we’re not a sappy fucking family, but genuine smiles are on each of their faces. It’s getting a bit too emotional for me.
“Always thought you’d be the first to drop the kids off and have them take hold with your damn breeding kink Jerry, but once again, I have one-upped you just like I kicked your ass on Soul Suckers 2000. I know you’re just heartbroken that I stole this spotlight from you, man.”
“Penn, I swear to God if you don’t shut the fuck up, I’m going to choke you with the baby’s slippers and leave Reagan as a damn widow.” Harsh, I wish a motherfucker would.
No man, woman, entity will pull me from her side. Where I go, she will follow and vice versa.
Here’s to the next generation of Blackwoods…
Now I just have to figure out how to get rid of Robert, once and for all.
