Page 150 of Beneath the Mountain Sky
And so many times, I lied and said I was fine. Maybe as much as I was honest with him and said I wasn’t.
The last several weeks have been a never-ending rollercoaster of emotions, nightmares, memories, and struggles I wasn’t sure I could get through.
But I don’t have the luxury of not being good right now.
Not when we’re this close to what could be ultimate answers, not when it feels like I’m finally going to get what I’ve been seeking this whole time.
Instead of letting my own head drag me into a dark place, I nod to Killian and try to pull away. “I’m good.”
Have to be.
He gives me a second to get steady on my feet again and slowly releases his hold. But I can feel the reluctance in his action. His desire to keep me wrapped up in his arms, where I’m safe.
It would be easier to stay there and allow myself to get lost in his calming presence, but this might be my only chance to resolve all the uncertainties and answer all the questions.
I glance back at him and offer what I hope is a believable smile, even though I don’t feel it. But this man knows me too well, knows all my tells, and can always read me like an open book.
Like he is now.
His brow furrows over concerned eyes as he watches me move forward up the trail Connor and Liam follow, made by the wildlife coming through the gorge and down onto this side of McBride Mountain.
In the distance, above the towering treetops, the massive rock formation that houses the gorge appears, looming out of the mist. Seeing it again sends a chill through me.
As the sun comes up behind us, it starts to burn off the fog, exposing the thing I saw so vividly in my dreams that I so confidently recalled, even though there’s no reason I should have been up here. But unlike the first time I came with Killian, this time, I know that answers lie on the other side of it.
That allows me to keep going.
To keep pushing past the sense of unease threatening to make the few bites of my breakfast I managed to eat reappear.
By the time we reach the edge of the formation, I’m practically vibrating in anticipation, barely able to contain the anxiety and excitement mixing in my system.
This is it.
Liam and Connor wait for us, their packs lowered on the ground for a quick break before we push onward.
Connor looks at Killian as he stops beside me. “How much farther is it?”
“Another two miles through the gorge. And on the other side, based on the old maps, the logging trail appears to go for another five. The cabin could be anywhere along there.”
Which means it could take us all day, or even longer, to find what we’re searching for.
If we even find it.
That confidence I had when staring at the map in the office and during our climb yesterday, that I clung to even a few minutes ago, starts to fade. This is a massive mountain, filled with any number of dangers beyond the man we seek. Anything could happen to interfere with finding the cabin where I was held—and the person responsible.
Or I could be completely wrong about all of this.
Doubt creeps into my mind. That same darkness that often threatens to swallow me whole, but I’m not going to give in to the desire to break down right now or give in to the negative thoughts.
I release a long, slow breath, staring up at the entrance to the gorge. “Let’s keep going.”
Liam pulls a long drink from his canteen, then wipes his mouth on the back of his hand. “Are you sure you don’t want to take a break?”
The look Connor and Killian both give me suggests they are wondering the same.
I shake my head. “No, I’m good.”
Because if I stop, I don’t know that I’ll be able to get myself going again.
