Page 108 of Restless Hawke
“I didn’t get the impression anyone is disappointed in you. In fact, it seems like you’re pretty invaluable to them, and there is no denying how much they all love you.”
Nothing I said was particularly radical, but Coen’s jaw still hardens as he looks at me.
“They wanted me to become my father, both Isaac and me. Imagine having two loaded guns willing to walk into any courtroom, any meeting, any situation, and defend what the family has built without any reservation.”
“That’s what your dad and Isaac do?”
He nods. “But it never felt right to me, sitting in that courtroom with Dad. I was just…” His shoulders lift and sag, but given the topic of conversation, I know the shrug is anything but nonchalant. “I was restless, always have been, doing any one thing, staying in any one place too long, it just”—he shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair—“isn’t for me. That’s part of why I play in so many tournaments. I love New Orleans, but I need to not be there all the time. It will always be home. I’ll always go back to it, to them, but I like to travel. I like seeing the world.”
“You likewinning.”
A slow grin spreads across his lips, and he slides his hands to my hips, gripping them tightly. “I do, and I get very frustrated when little temptresses like you try to distract me from it—and succeed.”
I return his grin. “Still, I don’t think they’re disappointed in you. They just want you to be happy. It seems like that’s all they want from anyone around that table, and maybe they don’t think that you are…”
Something darkens his gaze, fear or regret. Maybe a bit of both. “I’ve given them reason to believe that.”
I raise a brow. “How so?”
He scrubs a hand over his cheek, breaking eye contact in a way that makes my heart clench. “I made a few really, really bad decisions last year. Managed to lose a lot of money at the tables.”
“Really?”
He nods. “A lot.”
“I…wouldn’t have expected that. You’re a very controlled player.”
“Normally, I am, but I was out of sorts. There was a lot happening at home with the family, and I let things spin out of control. And then, to try to fix things, I did something even worse.”
My chest tightens at the pain in his voice, so much so that it actually hurts to take a breath. I lean forward and brush my thumb across his lips, silencing him. “It couldn’t have been that bad. You don’t have it in you.”
He snorts. “It was that bad.” His jaw hardens as he debates how much to reveal. The struggle between wanting to end this topic of conversation or revealing something sorealto me that he likely really needs to with someone dances across his gaze. “I betrayed Atlas and the rest of my family.”
“He’s the cousin who wasn’t at dinner? The boxer? I’ve seen a few of his fights on television.” I give him a half-grin. “That title fight was something else.”
His hand tightens on my hip, the other sliding to my opposing thigh. “It sure was. And it’s the reason I said what I did that first night we met, the reason I know they’re disappointed, the reason I know I can never make it up to them.”
“I don’t believe that. You can forgive just aboutanythingwhen it’s someone youlove.”
* * *
COEN
Allegra saysthe words so emphatically that it’s evident she knows from personal experience and isn’t just waxing poetic or trying to boost me up when she thinks I need some sort of reassurance.
I tunnel my hand through her hair, dragging her down until our faces are so close I could move a fraction of a centimeter and kiss her, but I don’t. “I appreciate the pep talk.”
She grins. “That isn’t what this is, Coen. I just want to understand you better, understand the Hawkes…”
“Why?”
Searching her gaze, I try to find her angle. What game she might be playing, even though we promised that part of our relationship was over. But the only thing looking back at me is sincerity. The kind that makes the last several hours we spent together feel even more meaningful.
She shrugs. “Because now that the game is over, maybe I don’t want a rematch. The next dinner could be less awkward…and I might actually stand a chance if I understood that family dynamic.”
“Before…when you said anything can be forgiven when it’s someone you love. You sounded like you were talking from personal experience.”
Allegra tries to hide it, but she tenses slightly like she didn’t want me to pick up on that and now regrets saying it.
