Page 58 of Whirlwind
“What if I don’t want to waste any more of it? I’ve lost so much already.”
“What does that mean?”
“What those other women have…what Isla has, or even Willa…I want that. I want their confidence. To be able to stand by your side and not be the strange girl, but the accomplished woman. I don’t want to see myself as less than them.”
“You aren’t, Kit.” He rubs his hand along my thigh. “Not even close.”
“In some ways, I am. I don’t want to fear that anymore.” What I don’t say is that I don’t want to be a project for him, or something he works for. Those words stay sealed behind my lips, because I know enough of him to know he’ll take that as me wanting to have sex for him.
That’s not what I’m doing.
This is for me. He’s the first man who’s made me feel safe going there, and I don’t want to waste that, either. Even if we don’t work out, if this crashes and burns, at least I’ll have had that.
“What are you saying?”
“Results of studies vary, depending on age and region, but most current data shows sexlessness is on the rise. I don’t want to be in that statistic,” I say, dropping my forehead to rest on his. “I don’t want to wait anymore.”
“That is not what I expected to happen tonight,” he says, his eyes wide with shock.
“Welcome to my brain,” I say.
“It goes from nervously jealous to confidently horny in a matter of minutes?” His lips twitch before he smiles.
“It does tonight, I guess,” I say sardonically.
“Can I make a confession?”
“I’d love to not be the only one.”
“You being jealous is sexy as fuck. I mean, I’m sorry it overwhelmed you, but it’s a God damned turn-on.”
“So, we’re both horny?”
“I always am around you. I do my best not to show it,” he says, scooting closer and wrapping his arms around me so his hands rest on my lower back.
“Could you maybe start showing it? I think I’d like that. It would help.”
“You’ll tell me if it isn’t helpful, yeah?” Again, I nod. “And you’ll tell me if things go too fast, or too far?”
“I will.” It’s my turn to press a kiss on him. I place one on the corner of his mouth, then the center. Slowly but chaste.
“Can I propose an idea?”
“Of course. This is a group project, after all,” I answer, and he laughs.
“I propose that we don’t set expectations for tonight. Maybe we start with getting naked and we see where that takes us.”
“By us, you mean me?”
“I do.”
“Start with a naked play date,” I muse. “Without the expectation of fornication. But with the hope.”
“Definitely with hope,” he agrees, before grasping the nape of my neck and pushing his tongue between my lips.
Fuck, he tastes amazing.
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