Page 13 of Whirlwind
“You’re here! Now, all my favorite players are on the same team,” she says, her tiny hands landing on my cheeks.
“What about Ryan Nugent-Hopkins?” I ask in disbelief. She used to say she was going to marry him.
“I’ve outgrown him.”
“It’s about time,” I say.
Laughter behind her catches my attention. It’s Isla, I’d know her laugh anywhere, like a permanent tattoo on my skin.
“That’s what my dad says, too,” Sadie says.
“He’s a smart man,” I say, finally looking past her shoulder to nod at her mother. Isla smiles at me, and my heart clenches.
“I’ve missed you,” Sadie says, mustering a stern tone. “You never visit anymore.”
“I know, sweetheart,” I say, setting her on her feet and kneeling in front of her. “I’m sorry about that. I’ve been real busy trying to find my way here.”
The words mean more than she’ll understand. Maybe more than even I understand just now. One glance at Isla and I know I’m not over her. Or, at least, not over the idea I had of her and me. The dream of starting my own hockey family dynasty.
“Well,” Sadie says, biting her bottom lip and scrunching her brow in thought. “I guess it’s okay, because you’re here now. And part of the best team ever.”
“Yes, I am. You’ll see me lots more now, more than before, even.”
“That’s good. You’re the only one who doesn’t let me win pancake eating contests.”
She releases a heavy sigh and rolls her eyes.
“Everyone else lets you win?” I pretend to be aghast.
“Yeah, it’s so re...rid...”
“Were you going for ridiculous?”
“Yeah, that.”
“All right, next time we’re around pancakes, I’ll make sure I win. Again.”
“It’s a deal!” She runs off to say hello to some others and I’m left face-to-face with her mom.
Isla, it pains me to say, is more beautiful now than she was when we dated. There’s a happy glow to her that wasn’t there before. Fuck me, I love that for her. Even as I hate that I wasn’t the one to put it there.
“Hey, Freckles.”
“Hi, Tyson,” she says, taking a step closer. “Thanks for that, she’s been dying to see you since the trade was announced. Well, before that, but you know…”
“She doesn’t understand the dynamics, I get it. It’s good seeing her. And you…you look happy.”
“I am,” she says.
“I’m glad. I mean that.”
“I know you do.” She smiles crookedly and it feels like the goodbye I never got before. “I hope you find it, too. You deserve that, Ty.”
Do I? Am I a good enough man for that? It’s easy to feel undeserving. Easier than feeling worthy, for sure. Is it enough to simply exist? To live each day in an unfulfilled rut waiting for a cosmic event or divine intervention to put the love of my life in front of me? No, that doesn’t make me deserving. Surely there’s more for me to do. Maybe I should ask Cillian, since he seems to have figured it all out.
“Thanks, Isla.”
“You’re welcome. Good game, tonight.”
